Evil Stepmother or Confidant?

[Janesworld]

First off, Hi! First time posting in this section, and could really use some advice! Sorry, sort of long...

Not sure which approach to take with my 12 year old step daughter. I see a lot of things her father does not. Lately, it has to do with a new boy (a naughty little boy whom I really don't like). I've caught her sneaking him into the house, lying about being with him, things like that, and have been informing her father. Today she posted on facebook that she was in a relationship with him, and I again told her father (who was LIVID). Then I see that she blocked me from seeing a post on her wall about meeting up with the boy tomorrow.

I'm not sure if I should keep being the tattle-tail, or if I should try and be the one she can be honest with (without worrying about getting in trouble) so that at least someone knows what's going on. I'm really torn.... up till now, though, I have felt obligated to inform him, because frankly I'm really worried she's going to get herself in trouble.

Any advice would be really appreciated!

 

[Kitty23]

Hmmm I had step mothers and I didnt like the tattle tailing they did it just made me more secretive and less likely to tell them if I needed help about something.

Does she live with you? Personally she's 12 she's just a little girl and she's having a little relationship with a boy I don't understand why your oh is so upset?

If you talk to her about things and don't always tell your oh about silly little things she will trust you and you will have a much closer relationship. It will be nice for her to have someone to talk to

xxx

 

[Cariad_bach]

Im a step mum to a 12 year old boy (we see him alot but he doesn't live with me)

Ive known him since he was 2 years old and ive always taken the view that the best thing about being a 'step' parent is that i could always play the 'good guy'

My step son has a great mum and then my OH is a great dad ..... but im the one he asked about where babies come from and told about his girlfriend, I take the approach of keeping my mouth shut and my eyes and ears open ... that would change if i found out something really really bad then i couldn't help him with i suppose but i hope nothing like that will come up lol

 

[leeanne]

Gosh, it's a tough one. One of my stepkids moved in with us last June. She's 13.

When they came over for visitations, I truly tried not to give them heck for things and would tell my hubby who usually would take care of it. Now that she's living in the house and entering high school in a few weeks, I am torn.

However, the good thing is that for the most part she is open with my hubby about most things. But we are more strict and will be more strict with her than her mom, so eventually she will start sneaking around when we do say no to things. And I don't want to be the evil stepmom as I am trying so hard to get her to open to me as it is.

 

[samsugar7]

Very tuff one, but at 12 i would be very worried about her having boyfriends and hiding it from people. At 12 it should be holding hands in the playground rather than sneeking him into the house.

Do you want to be her friend or a step mother?? I have had to make the choice to be a step mom rather than a friend because her mum is useless and OH her dad is scared to tell her off incase she doesnt want to come here anymore or his X stops visitation.

A friend will get pally pally and help her sneek him in where as a step mom would deal with the situation or tell tales and get her dad to deal with it. Extreme examples i know but i couldnt think of a better way to put it.

Good luck and well done on noticing something is up. xx

 

[Sam9kids]

Ive always treated my stepkids the same as my own as its only fair. My stepdaughters moved in with us when they were 15 and 14. Luckily my oh felt the same as me as he treats my eldest 2 (not his) the same too

 

[Janesworld]

Thanks for all the replies!

I think about how I was as a teenager (I was sooo awful) and I would just hate to see her go down that path... She's just so interested in boys.... and to top it off, her parents had her at a very young age (mom was 16, dad was 19) so I'm afraid she might reference that when making her own decisions. And I see certain characteristics in her that lead me to believe I'm not completely off base. Her mom and dad, on the other hand, don't seem to see this at all. I see very tough years ahead of us, and I guess I'm afraid if I don't say anything, and don't push her father to do something about it, that she will get in a lot of trouble...

Oh lord, if she was to get pregnant at 16.... that would make me a 28 year old grandmother