Family Support gone wrong?

[KarenLV]

My MIL is really annoying me.I know I should appreciate the fact that she wants to help take care of him but this is too much.She lives close to us and calls and texts me constantly asking me to bring him over.I usually take him over but she must return him when it's time to feed.Yesterday,my boy and I slept a little later after a hectic sleepless night. She starts calling constantly and I let the answering machine pick it up.Next thing I know she has let herself into our house with spare keys and she is standing next to the bed and says she will wait until I am finished breastfeeding and then she will take him!So I relentlesly gave him.Two hours later she returns cuz he is hungry and she says to me she wishes she has breastmilk so that she can feed him, then she wouldnt have to bring him to me! Is this normal?Am I dealing with an overpossesive MIL or should I just appreciate her wanting to help?Sometimes I just want to be alone with my boy and not feel guilty cuz his grandma wants him again!

 

[Jayden'sMummy]

I think shes gettin a little 'too' involved! you need mummy an baby time with out your MIL constantly on your back textin/ringin/lettin herself in your house. i would drop hints that you need some breathing space from her an want to have mum + son time with out interruptions an tha she can see him when you feel you want to have some 'YOU' time xx

 

[brownhairedmom]

get those keys back from her! That is way too much!

 

[Lyns]

OMG, I'd have throttled her by now and blamed it on the remaining hormones.

My MIL & I had a stand up row when my daughter was born....thankfully she doesn't live close, but she booked her ticket to see us for the the day I got home from hospital (emergency c-sec) and then sat there and expected to be waited on hand and foot.

I told her next time she WOULD wait for an invite, She said it wasn't my baby to say so....it was her grandchild and she had the right to visit when she wanted. I asked her if she was paying her sons divorce bill if thats was the case.

Some of them just take it too far....and your sounds like one! Just tell her, you need your space. Last thing you need to be worrying about now is her....you ned to spend some special time with your LO.

 

[KarenLV]

Thats what I thought, but my husband thinks it's normal because it is his firstborn (his sister already has a full grown daughter).He did think the comment was a bit weird though.How do I tell her that I dont want to take him to her place every day? I just want to kick her right now of this planet! They make me feel as if I am selfish with him.

 

[Lyns]

Now way is it you that is selfish. If she can't see that you ned time to bind with him....including some uninterrupted days, then it is she that has a problem and is selfish.

Cna you plan some days out...maybe with some other Mum's and then you can to say that there are days coming up wheh you won;t be around. If she tries to come along, then tell her it's for Mum's only....no other granny's join in.

And sorry if she makes a comment about having breastmilk again, I would just say there and then....

'But you're not his mother, I am! And thats the way it should be! And whilst I know you think you are helping, I'm sure you wouldn't have appreciated your mother or mother in law, taking your son off you and taking over, would you?

 

[TashaAndBump]

Well, MrBum's immediate response to reading this was, "Oh dear - Get the mad bitch away!" I know that's not exactly the most helpful comment, but it should go some way to answering your question of whether this is normal.

You definitely are dealing with an overbearing MIL! Sounds like she misses having small kids now that all of hers are grown up, and she sees having a grandchild as a chance to relive the wonderful experience of being a new mum! But Skyler is not hers, he's your little boy! And somehow you need to find the best way to tell her that. (Preferably in a way that won't upset the family peace!) However she does need to know that he is yours: She has had her own children, now it is your turn! And she needs to appreciate that she still has the very important role of grandma, but she can not be Skyler's second mummy.

It's not unreasonable or selfish in any way to expect to say when or where your mother in law can see her grandson, and it's certainly not selfish to want some time to bond with him, just the two of you - That's perfectly natural! And it is selfish and warped for your mother in law to expect otherwise, simply because she wishes to relive her glory days.

I hope you find a way to approach this and sort it out so everyone is happy. However it may require a harsh talking with the mother in law so that she understands, and I would also take that key off of her, too!

Take care, and whatever you do, do stand up for yourself - Don't let her pressure you into giving up your son to her x

 

[Margerle]

HA, in my situation is MY mother who's being overbearing and rude.



Mom: "I only get to see her 'ONCE A DAY!'."

My: "Well aren't you blessed since MIL hasn't seen her once!?"

:: Hmph ::

 

[PitBullMommy]

Yikes! DH's parents are like that, but luckily they live an hour away so I don't have to bring Char to see them constantly. I would tell her that he is YOUR son, not hers and maybe set up a schedule that you can both agree on. Like...maybe he can visit her 2 times a week on certain days...and maybe you could even pump or something so he can stay there a few hours so she feels like she's got him for a bit longer and you have time to do things at home or rest for more than 2 hours.

 

[hypnorm]

i'd have the locks changed.. or get some locks on the inside of the door and put a sign up saying mother and baby asleep !
That is too much especailly letting her self in to your house even my mum wouldnt do that she would phone and check it was ok to come over.

 

[leeanne]

OMG! That would drive me f**king crazy!

She's going way overboard! It's nice to have help but not obsessive help!

 

[leeanne]

I told her next time she WOULD wait for an invite, She said it wasn't my baby to say so....it was her grandchild and she had the right to visit when she wanted. I asked her if she was paying her sons divorce bill if thats was the case..

 

[Vickie]

I would be highly irritated by that kind of behavior. My MIL does plan on coming to help out (part of their culture) after the baby is born and has said that she can give Hannah a bottle so I can rest if need be and I've already said no to that. The first few weeks are MY time to bond with my baby, regardless of whether I'm breast or bottle feeding!

 

[Carolyn]

to be honest the mil might be marketing this behaviour as 'helping you out' but it's not! she needs to give you the key back and be thanked for her help this far, but it's not making you happy and you will call her when you feel ready for contact again, why does it have to be her initaiting it? i'd also get my oh to tell her this, because if i got started then i'd probably cause world war three!!!

 

[Christine33]

i suspect she means well but she isn't doing any good! i personally find her behaviour over the top.

all this 'helping out' people offer is more of a hassel than anything else in my opinion. if they want to help out STAY AWAY (okay, thats a bit harsh) but they need to give mum, dad and baby time alone to be a family and for them to bond and get used to their new life.

when my beanie is born if anyone wants to help me out they can do the housework etc - i would welcome that!

Christine
XXXX

 

[Spartacus]

oh dear.....mil from hell.....what is it with mil's as soon as they have grandchildren????

I would firstly tell her that whilst she has a key if you are in you would prefer her to knock rather than let herself in as surely that is common courtesy you could be doing anything when she walked in - personally I would hate the lack of privacy!

Secondly it isn't her god given right to have your baby every day! Remember it is your son and is up to you to decide whether or not she looks after your baby. The whole breastmilk thing is strange i mean if she is using the I am only here to help tell her that it would help if she came over to you and looked after the little one at yours so you can get some sleep or do a bit of cleaning or she can come over and help clean whilst you have baby time. I would also plan to go out more hun and tell her that you don't want to see her everyday in the nicest possible way it is far too suffocating for you hun.

Thirdly I am surprised you haven't killed her.....you obviously have the patience of a saint!!