Feel like crying !!!

[mrs c f]

Last month I had a lap and dye and I had it right on ovulation. My cbfm never picked up my peak that month but I think it was down to forgetting to pee one day and the op. So I'm back to using it this month and was so excited try again as we haven't for two months. So it's calender day 17 and NO peak. When I looked at the sticks I was sure it would happen today as they have slowly faded on one side and was getting darker on the other but today still No Peak and it looks like the estrogen line is starting to darken again. I'm just so fed up. Am I just not meant to have a baby? I Feel like I'm being punished for something!!! I was so excited to start again this month. I have no cm I've been pretty dry all month and a little sore down stairs which seems to be ok now but still I have had no ewcm. What's going on?

 

[Kimiw]

Last month I had a lap and dye and I had it right on ovulation. My cbfm never picked up my peak that month but I think it was down to forgetting to pee one day and the op. So I'm back to using it this month and was so excited try again as we haven't for two months. So it's calender day 17 and NO peak. When I looked at the sticks I was sure it would happen today as they have slowly faded on one side and was getting darker on the other but today still No Peak and it looks like the estrogen line is starting to darken again. I'm just so fed up. Am I just not meant to have a baby? I Feel like I'm being punished for something!!! I was so excited to start again this month. I have no cm I've been pretty dry all month and a little sore down stairs which seems to be ok now but still I have had no ewcm. What's going on?

Oh hun, I am so, so sorry . I know how frustrating it gets and I have spend my share of nights sobbing quietly trying not to wake my husband. This TTC stuff is so hard to deal with, and every cycle is so valuable, it sucks to lose out on one. But when things like that happen, I try to rationalize it by thinking, "God has a reason for why this cycle didn't happen." Me and my husband have been trying for going on six years next month, so I completely understand the emotional roller coaster that all of us LTTTCers are one day in and day out.

I have too felt like I have been punished for something because I cannot have a baby, but reality sets in and I realize that when this does happen I am going to know that I am going to be an excellent mommy. That day I hold my baby in my arms I know all I will be able to think is, "you were worth all those years of trying and waiting." Those of us LTTTCers are going to be the best parents you know why? We completely grasp the understanding of a true "gift" and we are going to wear that pride everywhere we go. We fully understand that we were blessed to be mothers and with all those years waiting we have had plenty of time to read about parenting, watching our friends raise their children and when they say things like, "uh, being a parent is so hard, I wish I could turn back the hands of time and have waited longer" we will remember how long we waited. We are going to be so ready, that our peers will be jealous of us for once!

I know that is a lot to take in right now, but I am trying to pass on some comforting words. Just always remember, that you are going to be an excellent mom because you KNOW what it is like to wait for a long time to hold your presious baby.

Take care, and lots and lots of sticky baby dust to you!!!

 

[lah1553]

That is one of the sweetest posts I have read; and so true. I am struggling to maintain a positive attitude about this pregnancy thing. A Lot of what gets me through this is FAITH. I try to tell myself that there is a reason for everything and that God just doesn't think that I am ready yet. I will not be giving up hope anytime soon.

 

[Kimiw]

That is one of the sweetest posts I have read; and so true. I am struggling to maintain a positive attitude about this pregnancy thing. A Lot of what gets me through this is FAITH. I try to tell myself that there is a reason for everything and that God just doesn't think that I am ready yet. I will not be giving up hope anytime soon.

And you shouldn't give up! Taking a break is one thing, and trust me, it is needed once and a while. TTC is very stressful and I don't know about you, but it takes away some of the romance from the bedroom when everything has to be timed. We took a two year break, we were not trying but not preventing either and I still did not fall pregnant. So that goes to show that saying "just relax, or don't try so hard and it will happen" does not always work. I hope that you get your BFP soon. Are you taking Clomid or anything? I have PCOS and I am getting ready to start tomorrow, Clomid 200 mg with 1500 mg of Metformin. I took Clomid three years ago but it didn't work (I only did three rounds) and the third round of 150 mg I produced two follies but they were only 9mm and 14mm so they were not mature and so therefore I did not ovulate. I am keeping my fingers crossed that it will work this time around at a higher does.

I pray that this year is the year for all of us LTTTCers! Keep the faith, and don't give up on the hope that you will ever be a mother.

He gives the childless woman a family, making her a happy mother. Praise the LORD!

Psalm 113:9

 

[mrs c f]

Thanks kimiw what a lovely post. Those words were very comforting.
I'm not on clomid as I ovulate on my own (or I'm supposed to) my lap showed I'm in the unexplained category. I did have old endo but it was on my bowl and walls and wasn't active. My tubes are clear also. We are getting referred for iui next week so hopefully can start that by august. I really want to do this on my own but if that's going to help I'm all for it!! I've been trying 4 years. It stinks!!!! Could scream some days. Every now and again I hit a low point like yesterday but then I pick myself up off the floor and carrying.
Do wonder why it has happened for us and do often feel like I'm being punished.

Thanks again fipor your lovely words x

 

[Kimiw]

Thanks kimiw what a lovely post. Those words were very comforting.
I'm not on clomid as I ovulate on my own (or I'm supposed to) my lap showed I'm in the unexplained category. I did have old endo but it was on my bowl and walls and wasn't active. My tubes are clear also. We are getting referred for iui next week so hopefully can start that by august. I really want to do this on my own but if that's going to help I'm all for it!! I've been trying 4 years. It stinks!!!! Could scream some days. Every now and again I hit a low point like yesterday but then I pick myself up off the floor and carrying.
Do wonder why it has happened for us and do often feel like I'm being punished.

Thanks again fipor your lovely words x

Your welcom hun . We all hit those lows, it is perfectly normal. I still have times that I get angry and want to give up. These 6 years have been so hard but faith is what keeps me going. I believe that God will send me my baby when it is in his timing. Although I get really frustrated and say "God I am ready now" I realize that He knows what he is doing. God wants to give us the desires of our heart but again it has to be HIS timing. My husband and I were talking the other night and we were talking about when we first started for a baby six years ago. We were living in an apartment, didn't have the best jobs and we found ourselves struggling to make ends meet. As the years have gone by we noticed how much closer we have become and how much we have changed. To have a baby now verses 6 years ago is like night and day. Now, we both have very good jobs with health insurance, a nice place to live and we are much more secure in our relationship then we were back then.

Maybe this was God's way of setting us up and making sure we were more secure. I don't know, I just know that I am going to be a mommy one way or another, even if that means we adopt later on down the road. But we have not reached that stage yet, we have not let go of the hope of having our own. I am glad you are feeling better today, that is why I love this site. There is so much support and it makes it easier to go through this when there are others out there to talk to who understand the infertility journey.

I am sorry you are going through the "unexplained" infertility, that must be so hard! I will keep you in my prayers girl, we will beat this inturder they call infertility!!!

https://www.tearsandhope.com/

check out the link above, sometimes we need a good cry and even more importantly, we need to know we are NOT alone.

 

[Smee]

Hi Mrs C F,

Just to add to the support of all the love ladies above.

I know exactly how you feel, I too feel like I'm being punished and mut be sch a bad person. That someone up there has something against me to stop this happening for me. I don't knw if this comforts you to knw others feel the same but it must be a relief to finally say how you feel. I did the same as you and posted how I felt only a few days ago, I got lovely messages and even though the lovely ladies were in the same position they gave me hope and support. I offer the same to you.

Also don't hold me to it but just a thought, I think that Lap and dye sends things a bit upsy daisy for a few moths after. Worth a check and if so will put your mind at rest.

Hopefully it will happen to us all soon.

Baby dust

Smee x

 

[No Doubt]

I completely understand what you mean about feeling like you are being punished. I have felt that way for a very long time, and I finally had a horrible experience with family no less. I told my husband how I felt and thought maybe I did something wrong that night and just didn't see it, and thought maybe that's why I can't get pregnant...cause I keep doing something and don't see it so I'm being punished for it. Thank God for the supportive husband...simple put he told me "You didn't do anything wrong, and even if you did God doesn't work that way. He doesn't punish you like that." I know it seems so simple yet it's such a hard concept for us to grasp.

But it is true, God doesn't punish people like this. I called my uncle who is a pastor and a great mentor of mine and talked to him about it and he said of course that my husband was right, and that it was all in God's timing. As hard as it is to wait, and believe me I understand that too, we have too. I told my husband the other day that thanks to my OCD I like order and structure and am used to having control over things, so when I can't control when I have kids, it's hard. But I have to let go and let God.

We are actually on a break right now, and it's been one of the best things. We still bd, but all the meds, docs, testing, temping...yada, yada, yada...are on break. Way less stressful and I honestly feel like when I get back into hard core I will be refreshed, not that I'm even sure I want to go back to all of that. I forgot what it was like to do it the old fashion way...lol.

It's hard and it sucks and yes the world, fate, whatever you want to call it can be so cruel, but it will all fall into place and when it does it will be the best most rewarding experience of your life.

 

[mrs c f]

Hi Mrs C F,

Just to add to the support of all the love ladies above.

I know exactly how you feel, I too feel like I'm being punished and mut be sch a bad person. That someone up there has something against me to stop this happening for me. I don't knw if this comforts you to knw others feel the same but it must be a relief to finally say how you feel. I did the same as you and posted how I felt only a few days ago, I got lovely messages and even though the lovely ladies were in the same position they gave me hope and support. I offer the same to you.

Also don't hold me to it but just a thought, I think that Lap and dye sends things a bit upsy daisy for a few moths after. Worth a check and if so will put your mind at rest.


Hopefully it will happen to us all soon.

Baby dust

Smee x

Thanks Smee. I do feel better. I will look that up. I decided to knock my cbfm off the other day as i know my ovulation has passed and dont want to waste another ten sticks. I will knock it back on next month. Im in with the fertiltiy docotr next week so i will ask her too.

Thank you for your post and i am sending you lots of baby dust also.

 

[lah1553]

I am not on Clomid yet,but will be if not pregnant by August. Went to the Doctor yesterday and he said that research show that being on both Met and Clomid the chances of you getting pregnant are better than just being on Met alone....time will tell.