Feel like I'm falling behind... and not by choice!

[bostonblonde]

I always wanted to be a younger mother, having all my kids in my 20s. My DH wasn't ready for years, so I waited, thinking there'd be no problem. So when I got pregnant at 26, I was thrilled because I was still pretty young. Since then I've had 3 losses. At this rate, the youngest I'll be when I have a baby now is 28. No longer really in the "young" category anymore... more like average. Somehow I've lost two whole years. If I want more than one kid now, it's a guarantee I'll be having the next one in my 30s. My own mother had me in her early 30s, and always wished she started younger. Now suddenly I'm in her category, but not by choice! I know I'm still relatively young, but I feel like years are just slipping by. Whenever I lose a baby, another 9 months of planning goes down the drain. Then there's the horrible TTC part, which wastes even more time. This is also the prime age when suddenly everyone else around me is popping babies out left and right, effortlessly. My DH and I have been together 8 years, but have suddenly fallen behind everyone else, and not by choice. It is so frustrating!

 

[Eternal]

I know what you mean, i know im lucky that i do have a baby already but i was so pleased when i was pregnant, thinking im still young. i lost this baby on my 27th birthday and now i feel like its lost a year somewhere! now i wont be having another baby until im 28! unless im really lucky and fall right away, it just seems so unfair. i wish i knew why is was so hard for some and so easy for others.

have you had any investigations? i cant imagine how hard it must be for you, im so sorry for all your losses

 

[dannigirly]

Hi, I know what you mean. I feel the same, but at leat you are still in your 20's. I am 30 and just lost my first and starting to panic as i always thought id have one as soon as i wanted. All id say is that you are still young ansd there is plently of time. Just focus on getting back on track and dont worry too much

 

[tweedy]

Sorry for your loses, it really is hard to deal with and then you are putting pressure on yourself worrying about age too...go easy on yourself.

i was the same wanted all my kids young as my mum was 22 when she started and had 5 within 6 years, i always wondered how she coped and figured it was because she was young, i was 25 when i first concieved and 27 when i finally had my daughter (after mmc and ectopic)...way off my target, but at least i was still under 30, i found out i had another mmc 3 weeks before my 30th birthday and was gutted, i could be 31 when i get to have another baby, but at the same time i find 5 years on i am dealing with my loss better, have myself in a better situation finacially, my realtionship with my husband is stronger than ever and my daughter keeps me young every day.

having babies later on is all the rage now, and i am hoping it'll make me a better parent, after all my mum stayed at home and didn't get to live very much, even now as she looks after my neice and nephew full time, i love hearing stories of what my dad got up to when he was young, travelling with work etc, but mum never had many experiences...so take this oportunity to build a scrap book of experiences and memories, to share with your kids/grandkids rather than just wasting the time waiting for it to happen.

good luck and be good to yourself x

 

[babysimpson]

I wanted to have my two before I turned 30. I will be 30 in May so no chance of it happening but after what i've been through, I don't care now when I have them so long as I do get to be a mum. It's been over a year of unsuccessful pregnancies and I decided that if I dwell on it too much, I'm wasting time that I could use doing other things. We went on a once in a lifetime holiday to DisneyLand Florida (something we couldn't afford to do again). Don't be too hard on yourself and use what time you have between now and your pregnancy to enjoy what you do have and may be do things that would be difficult to do if you were pregnant or a mum.

Life is too short to be worrying about how old you're going to be when you become a mum. xxx

 

[mummyk2b]

i'm sorry for your losses. i have only lost one (last week - one week after my 30th birthday).

it is different for me because i only met my DH two years ago, so for me, age was never really an issue - finding my babies the perfect daddy was the important part.

12 weeks ago, i would have been adamant that i wanted my first baby at 30 but after the last week, i don't mind what age i am when they arrive... i just look forward to meeting my healthy babies one day and being a mummy to them.

whenever you become a mum you will feel so blessed and the age you are will disappear from your thoughts.

much love,

k.xx

 

[wannabe mam]

Hi hun,
Sorry for your losses, I hope you are coping ok. I know what you mean, your life changes when your pregnant and you map out the next 2 years in your head. But it all comes crashing down when you have a loss. I am 28 and should have a 4 month old baby I am going to be lucky to have a baby before I am 30 at this rate.

Good luck xx

 

[glaciergirl]

Hello, I am sorry to read about all your losses here, its really heartbreaking.

To be honest I am 35 (36 in May) and I don't regret for one minute leaving it until my mid-30's. I had my very first pregnancy last sept which ended in mmc in Nov but I think its the loss I am struggling to cope with not my age. I love my job and have had a great career the last 10 yrs or so, travelling for work and doing amazing things. For me, it only kicked in about 2 yrs ago that I wanted to have a baby. My sister is also 38, and has wanted a baby for much longer than I and is now 3 months naturally pregnant after having fertility issues...! So please don't be phased by age - its how young you feel inside and as long as you are healthy and ready to try again it will happen for all of us eventually. Hugs x

 

[Dylan]

Hi,

Sorry to hear about your losses. Completely sympathise. Went through the same thing and lost 4 in the space of 18 months. Was gutted because as you say you start envisaging so far down the line. However, we took a break for a couple of years and now have started this year with a fresh attitude. Try not to be too hung up on age. Unless they've found any reason why you can't go full term then chances are you will have your BFP in no time and all that will matter is that beautiful little baby NOT what age you are when you have it.

Plus remember people aren't rushing ahead of you - they've just been that little bit luckier. Completely unfair I know!!!!!

Fingers crossed for you. Keep your spirits up xxx

 

[SMFirst]

I understand the frustration of falling behind - some friends my age (30) have two kids by now, and two close friends are pregnant now..

My DH is 40 so he's watching the clock closer than I am, but I think we are both ok with having to wait a little longer.

And we had only ever planned to have one child (more would be fine but not necessary) so we'll just be overjoyed when it does happen.

 

[croydongirl]

I know exactly how you feel. I am so sorry. I get that panicked feeling whenever anyone else announces a pregnancy. I am really trying hard to remember that I am not racing, and when I begin to compare myself to others it only leads me to feel crappy about myself.
It's so hard to feel like you are left behind.

 

[SMFirst]

One small silver lining my husband pointed out about our circumstance is that now when we do get pregnant we won't be overshadowed by the two other close friend/ family pregnancies we know of right now, so we'll be able to be excited and talk all we want about ours without feeling like we are in competition with anyone else..