Feel like today has just been ruined!!

[dustbunny]

I also posted this in pregnancy forum but would love you ladies views etc.... today was meant to be such a special day as I was so looking forward to my V day. Last week was ruined by my sister and now today feels like it has been ruined by him.

He sent me this:

Dear Laura,

This past month has been quiet between you and i, i just thought that i needed to step back from us at the moment to stop both of us stressing out and i especially dont want you feeling that i am adding a bad if drama to the mix. also i needed to focus more on getting some work to help support you and the little bump every way i can. to let you know i have got a temporary job until after xmas, of which i told you about but didnt get a response from. it is why i didnt text back to your response because when i actually hear from you after asking how the baby are all i get is make sure you get a job that earns money, of which i found a tad out a line seeing as i told you i was working. i have been constantly searching for a job all i want is to get work to support my child and help you.
you mentioned in your last text about nursery and maintenance asking how much i would contribute. it just seems to me that your making all the decisions about our baby and i dont get a say in anything. i know that you are carrying our baby and i know that you are the one who has had to come to terms with a lot of things and i respect decisions you have made about our relationship but i have tried things, of which i dont get a response. One of the hardest things is that you dont speak to me which i find hard, i then struggle to speak to you because when i do take initiative and ask how youre doing all i get is "fine" and it is a hard to respond to that. it feels to me you only talk to me when you feel like it.
i havent been quiet because i dont care or anything, far from it, i think about you and little bump constantly from when i woke up to when i go back to sleep. im not saying i want to take back from having a baby either, i am so excited about having a little girl.
I dont want to feel like i have let you down but at times i feel that i have. i never made the decision to have a break, end things or leave you on your own to bring up our child alone, you were the one that made those choices. i know i should have been there to reassure you of things and tell you how much you mean to me. you mean the world to me and i would think you would know that already.
i know at this stage you are about to move into the 3rd trimester, how exciting and i expect its a bit nerve racking as it has come so quick. i hope everything is all well with you and bump.
i know you had your last scan and we did talk about me having a private scan with you earlier but obviously things have been strained and difficult so i am asking whether we could still book a scan in january and yes of course i will be paying, that again has been discussed. I want to be there for our daughter always and that includes being there throughout the pregnancy.
I havent written this to upset you, stress you or get you angry. I am not making excuses for anything either........ and then it goes on to say how much he loves me.


I just feel like its a giant slap in the face, full of excuses and pushing all the blame onto me. I find it childish and a bit nasty seeing as its basically made of lies.

Feel so shit now

 

[JA1988]

I obviously don't know your history but if fob wrote anything half as nice as that to me I'd be happy. Speaking as someone who is currently being dragged through courts and cafcass by fob and under huge amounts if stress, I really would say that if there is any way that you and fob could try and start afresh (I don't mean get back together), try and be as civil and friendly as possible to eachother, then your life once your little girl is here will be so much easier than if there is tension between you and fob. I would say he sounds like he is sorry and wants to step up, so why not just give him one more chance to prove he means what he says. X x

 

[xAmiixLouisex]

I agree. I'd be over the moon with that message! Even if you think he's full of crap. Have the scan in January, involve him more. I know it's not always easy.. But, Imagine if your child was ever to read that letter. At least give him a chance. xx

 

[dustbunny]

I appreciate it sounds like a lovely letter and had this been sent months ago then I would have taken it at face value. However I know his mother wrote this letter and he has had the past 2 months to book a private scan.... I left him alone at his request so he could "prove" how much he wanted to be involved and he has asked or sent me nothing.

Although I do appreciate both your view points and thank you for reading the letter, in the fresh light of morning I think the same as I did before.

 

[Laura2919]

To be honest I think you need to give credit where credit is due.. Whether you think his mum wrote it or not he still sent it which makes me think all he is saying is true. I agree if it was me in your situation I would also be happy. He's trying hard and your chucking every obstacle in his way and pushing yourself and the baby further from his reach.
It seems like he is trying here to be fair.

Anyway if you truly do not want a relationship or anything like that with him then tell him that. Make it clear for the last time and try and work towards a good relationship as friends or as mummy and daddy.

But if you want peoples honest opinion he is trying and your making it harder for him.

I'd book a scan with him, if he wants to be interested dont push him out

 

[judge12]

I appreciate it sounds like a lovely letter and had this been sent months ago then I would have taken it at face value. However I know his mother wrote this letter and he has had the past 2 months to book a private scan.... I left him alone at his request so he could "prove" how much he wanted to be involved and he has asked or sent me nothing.

Although I do appreciate both your view points and thank you for reading the letter, in the fresh light of morning I think the same as I did before.

Even if his mum wrote it, he must been there when she was writing it and he agreed for it to be sent.

He wants to be there for his child and that is a great thing!

Your baby needs a dad and if he wants to show himself stepping up, let him. Be careful of course but don't shut him out. It takes some men longer to come around and it sounds like he has finally.

 

[dustbunny]

I accept my baby needs a dad, I have never stopped him from having access or input in the baby's life whatsoever and never would. I haven't done anything to stop him or make it harder for him and I appreciate without giving the full backstory and reading the letter at face value it looks lovely.

I think I shall have to agree to disagree at this moment in time but I do appreciate your feedback.

 

[Laura2919]

Well from what you have posted on here he seems like he is trying.

 

[dustbunny]

Well from what you have posted on here he seems like he is trying.

Thank you for your feedback

 

[littlekitten8]

It sounds a bit sarcastic to me! Ive read other posts youve put and it sounds like his mum is putting him up to it. I'm not surprised you were so cross hun. I would just let him know how it made you feel. If he wants to pay for the scan then let him book it....at least you get to see your little girl again hehe. Massive hugs and congrats on 24 weeks!!

 

[dustbunny]

It sounds a bit sarcastic to me! Ive read other posts youve put and it sounds like his mum is putting him up to it. I'm not surprised you were so cross hun. I would just let him know how it made you feel. If he wants to pay for the scan then let him book it....at least you get to see your little girl again hehe. Massive hugs and congrats on 24 weeks!!

I did email him and was fair in what I said and he emailed me back with yet more excuses. He also let slip how it wasnt for his mum to pass messages from me to him to which I pointed out I like speaking to his mum and don't say anything to her to be passed on. He then said I had mistaken what he was saying and that I take everything the wrong way... but he has excuses for everything and nothing is ever his fault. He got quite nasty in his emails and very contradictory. Apparently I am also his PA and have to keep him up to date without him having to ask or actively be involved... he actually made me regret the whole situation and that made me feel so shit. I'm planning on contacting after New Year with an outline [approved by my solicitor] about visitation. But as for him being a part of my life... no. The letter made one thing clear, as did the emails, how much happier I feel without him.

But thank you!!! So nearly third tri... so excited!!!

 

[littlekitten8]

Yay! Go you! Not long now til you will be meeting that scrummy little bubba!