Feeling bad... school and financial stuff

[saitiffeh]

Well my son loves school. I am so happy that he does, it's his first year of Kindergarten.

The thing is his school always has things which cost money... daily milk, hot dog/pizza days, fundraisers, book orders. And I just can't afford it all, if I did I'd be shelling out $30-$40 a month for these extras. We do pizza/hot dog days, which are 1 a month, and this month I am sending him with $3 for their Christmas bake sale... but other then that it is just not in the budget!

I feel so bad wondering if he is missing out, if the teachers think I'm a "bad mom" or what not. Financially the budget is just so tight, I can't fit in extras. The job market here is just so rough, I hate it. We have a 10.2% jobless rate.

Tonight we couldn't even afford to go to his concert... the money for transportation just wasn't there. I had to make an excuse and cite "unforeseen circumstances". I am heartbroken and humiliated. Usually things are so tight but it's Christmas and what not. On the financial side of things, I am so happy it's almost done.

Please tell me someone has felt the same! All this has me pulling my hair out wondering what those teachers are thinking of me Not to mention that my son is likely the most hyperactive child in his grade and quite a handful.

I am happy with our life, we have everything we need, but I detest feeling that other people expect me to be able to have/do more!

 

[RachA]

Sorry you are feeling this way. Maybe other parents aren't paying out for everything either. I know that for me, even if I could afford it, I wouldn't pay out for everything either. I'd pick and choose, as you have done with the hot dog/pizza thing.
Try not to feel too bad. I may be neive in saying this but at such a young age the children will just accept that not all of them get to do everything. I know that my son wouldn't even think anything of anothe child not doing all the activites that you have to pay for.

 

[saitiffeh]

I know my son doesn't care... he is such an appreciative child... but I guess anxiety gets the better of me sometimes.

 

[JASMAK]

Oh gosh...I know, the extra costs with school are CRAZY! When I was on maternity leave, I had some of my son's hot lunches subsidized, because otherwise, he wouldn't get any. I felt bad for doing that, as I am not poor, poor. I am the working poor, but broke nontheless. Things are better now that I am back to work, but I don't buy everything. We do hot lunches, photos at Wal-Mart instead of the overpriced packages, and I don't do other fundraiser things. The kids are only in Sparks and Scouts, because they are CHEAP, and we car pool with other parents. There is lots of free things out there, and you should check with the PAC to see if hot lunches can be at least partially subsidized. It's embarassing, but it does help. I pay full now that I am back at work, but I still don't do photos and fundraising things...I just can't afford it. I have three kids, and I need to choose wisely where my dollars go. Nothing wrong with that.

 

[Tilliepink]

Don't feel bad, I don't get it all for my DS either if I did it would cost me $60 a month that's for milk each day, warm meal every Tuesday, pizza every Friday and popcorn every Friday as well a subway once a month. It's just too much. I only do pizza every Friday and the one subway day. I feel bad for those with more than one child would cost a fortune!

 

[Bex84]

Im sure the teachers dont think any thing of it. I am a teacher and I know lots of parents had the same problem and to be honest I think the extra costs are ridiculus. Has your school got a fund to help, I always thought it was awful where I worked that they were called voluntary contributions but parents were still presured (I grew up in a family which was not well off and had to save for school trips etc...) I never pressured parents, I know with my school they helped with the costs alot, the governers set a fund aside.

 

[Marima]

Don't you have social support or something you could ask financial support? Or don't you qualify for that?

 

[Septie]

Tbh, I think the teachers really don't care about who orders what!! They have more fundamental things to worry about, behavior problems, homework, learning disabilities etc... . I came from a middle-class family w/o any money problems, but never had any of the extras sold at school. Only food from home. Nobody cared (except maybe friends of mine when I asked for a bite lol - but they were happy to share). When I was on a rare occasion given money to buy a desert at school (we didn't have lunches), I saved it haha. Your son is not missing out, believe me. Missing the concert is unfortunate for you - the only thing I could suggest is to cut hot dog days and save for the occasional trip to the school? Perhaps make hot dog/pizza the night prior to the school meal, so your son won't really miss it as he just had it?

 

[17thy]

I don't think its that big of a deal at all. I honestly think its a bit ridiculous for anyone to expect you to be sending checks in weekly with your child to a public school.

 

[mandy81]

It's the same here

every other day the school are sending letters home needing money for one thing or another, plus I have 2 children at the same school so when book club comes around i'm handing the guts of £20-£25 out,its just not fair.


Plus my kids will come home with a book of tickets each ticket cost £1 so for the 2 book I have to send in £12 just to try and raise money for the teacher's in school to go to other countries and see how school's there run *shakes head*
So really some of my OH hard earned money is going to the teacher to have themselves a little holiday !!! makes me so mad.

sorry for the rant but I really do know how your feeling xxx

 

[xxembobxx]

WSS ^^
As Mandy81 said it can sometimes feel like constant pressure to pay for the extras at school.
I pick and choose what I'm willing to pay for. Book clubs never get my money as there are so many discount book shops where I can find the same book half the price. But I do try to find the money for trips that all the kids go on. Here in the UK schools don't require families on benefits to pay for trips so in effect the working families are subsidising their kids to have a trip, not to mention the teachers(I'm pretty sure they don't pay for themselves).
I had to pay for a sketch book for Art. It was only £2 but my principles tell me the school gets my tax money to provide work books so why am I having to pay again?!
You are not alone in thinking it's all too much - so don't worry about what anybody's thinking of you. Most families will feel the same as you and the teachers are probably preoccupied with everything they cram into the day.

 

[xashleyx]

i wouldnt worry hun, we are the same, i just ignore alot of the letter we get home asking for money, my son does not need a new book from the book fair every few months, he has a chest full of books at home and he can borrow from the library! its ridiculous how they can expect everyone to pay all that money!