Feeling guilty for being off work

[kizzyboo]

I'm 8 weeks pregnant (baby # 1) and have been feeling horrendously nauseous and extremely exhausted since i got my bfp. I have had 2 occasions of absense so far (once for 2 days and then 3 days now) and i have never felt so guilty.
I work for a large insurance firm and the people in my office are not understanding at all and after having 2 days off my manager told me to see the doctor so that they can give me something to stop me feeling like i am so that i can go back into work.

It upsets me so much and makes me feel stressed out because i feel like im doing something really bad by listening to what my body is telling me to do. All i wanna do is sleep and rest, and when i go into work i feel so rough, all i can think about is being at home. I haven't been there long and haven't formed any friendships so have no-one to confide in or have support from in the office.
My manager has known about my pregnancy for 2 weeks and has not once asked me how i'm getting on or if there's anything i need. She hasn't even done a risk assessment of my work environment.

I feel so bad for not being in work. My brain tells me that i should go in no matter what, but my body's telling me to rest until i'm feel more up to it.

Has anybody else felt pressured like this?

 

[angelandbump]

hey kizzyboo, i've been off work for 8 weeks now but i'm lucky that my work understand. I can see your point though because i feel sooo guilty for being off work aswell, but remember to listen to your body. My team leader said a jobs a job and not to worry about it and she's right.
Plus its almost impossible for an empoyer to sack you due to sickness if its pregnancy related xx

 

[kizzyboo]

thanks angelandbump for your reply. awww im so glad im not the only one feel bad about it. I feel like an idiot for feeling guilty. I've been sitting here trying to rationalise with my self LOL! You're so lucky that you have an understanding team leader. I know they cant sack me. They definitely dont have any grounds for it at the moment anyway.
i hope your time off hasn't been due to anything too sinister x

 

[Heavenx]

Hey I understand that guilt feeling well, I'm in my 20th week of pregnancy and have been written off work since I was 5 weeks pregnant due to nausea/sickness/fatigue and a stomach dysmotility (where the pregnancy hormones have slowed my stomach down from working properly leaving me in pain and disomcomfort in my upper abdomen).

I told my GP a couple of weeks ago I felt ready to give work a try and he was happy to sign me as fit for work however my works occupational health department (I work for the NHS) has declared me as unfit to return so I'm off for another week at least.

My manager, HR department and Occy health are very supportive of me whilstbeing so unwell during pregnancy but I miss work and I do feel guilty although I have felt so ill I've jsut spent most of the time feeling sorry for myself than anythign else.

I really hope your nausea and tiredness ease off soon, but don't hesitate in speaking to your Dr if you really feel that you're struggling at work, now is the time to be looking after yourself and baby so don't feel too guilty x

 

[wannabubba#4]

Hi there, I know exactly where you are coming from with the guilt thing - I had almost three weeks off sick in first tri due to hyperemesis G and got back to work just as my spd (symphis pubis dysfunction) kicked in -I managed to struggle thorugh for the next three weeks as I thought I couldn't possibly go off sick AGAIN and ended up on crutches (at only 16 weeks preggers) and have been now for the entire rest of the time. So now on week 28 (nearly ) and 12 weeks continual sick leave and I definately wont be back until after my mat leave. It's really unfair of your colleagues to make you feel bad about it though, at least my colleagues were alright about it (probably glad to see the back of me because I had become more than a bit of a burden and working in an intensive care unit, every member of the team needs to be on their toes all the time).

Hope you feel better soon, take care of yourself and try not to let it get you down -I know it's hard xx

 

[Noodle131313]

See my response today to "anyone been off sick for their entire pregnancy"

I refuse to feel guilty, despite being quite aware of what others are thinking. I am a manager in an insurance firm and am aware of other managers attitudes to pregnancy due to being in their confidence. There are 4 managers in my dept and none of the other 3 have ever been pregnant (2 too old and 1 man!). So I can appreciate they don't understand what its like. However, I have had to listen to them slag off other pregnant collegaues in the past for being off or even taking medical appointments.

No-one has said anything to my face of course but they must know I know what they really think!

ANYWAY they are also prefectly aware they cannot give me any detrimental treatment as a result and the same applies to anyone. So don't feel guilty, we've got more important things to think about.

 

[wonder.woman]

Hi Kizzy & Noodle

Sounds like you both could work for the well known firm with an 'X' in the middle if your based Bristol way? If so I also work for them in a different office in the south east.

I am only 7 weeks and haven't told work yet. I'm too scared to as I have started a new role in the Company only 2 weeks ago - it was that or redundancy.

I had been trying to concive for years, it's history they are not aware of and I found out I was pregnant on the first day of my new job! Luckily my contact agrees to transfer existing maternity and sick benefits rights to my new role.

I feel guilty and worried that they they could somehow find a way to get me out ''performance related'' as I have a 6 month probabtion period. I understand they can't dismiss me relating to pregnancy but I have worked with many managers in the past and know if the face or circumstances don't fit there are ways and means to find a way.

I could be looking into this far too much - maybe it's my hormones!!

 

[kizzyboo]

Hi Kizzy & Noodle

Sounds like you both could work for the well known firm with an 'X' in the middle if your based Bristol way? If so I also work for them in a different office in the south east.

I am only 7 weeks and haven't told work yet. I'm too scared to as I have started a new role in the Company only 2 weeks ago - it was that or redundancy.

I had been trying to concive for years, it's history they are not aware of and I found out I was pregnant on the first day of my new job! Luckily my contact agrees to transfer existing maternity and sick benefits rights to my new role.

I feel guilty and worried that they they could somehow find a way to get me out ''performance related'' as I have a 6 month probabtion period. I understand they can't dismiss me relating to pregnancy but I have worked with many managers in the past and know if the face or circumstances don't fit there are ways and means to find a way.

I could be looking into this far too much - maybe it's my hormones!!

hey wonder.woman,
Funnily enough i was made redundant from 'that company with the X in the middle' just before joining the company i was having the problems with early on in my pregnancy. After being made redundant I joined an insurance company in Bristol, which (and i know this is going to sound really hard to believe) was worse than the one with the X. I hated my time at 'X' but was wishing i could go back there after realising the corruption at this new place! i found out i was pregnant 12 weeks into my new role and before notifying my manager about it, i had got on fabulously with everyone. But my god did everything change after i announced my good news to my boss. I have never known of such a sick, twisted and sly way to make someone feel so bad and uncomfortable for being pregnant. They did their very best to force me out, bringing me close to the edge of handing my notice in. But i stood my ground and eventually went to the doctors because of the stress that the whole situation was causing me (they tried many times to put me on disciplinaries and personal development plans for being off with pregnancy related illnesses - i knew my rights tho any set them straight - they never got anywhere with them and had to throw it all out) and the doctor signed me off because he did not want me experiencing such stress whilst pregnant.
They will be playing with fire if they try and pull that performance related stuff with you. they wont have a leg to stand on, trust me! My best advice to you is to join the union now and make the most of their support and it also means you'll have them available if u do have any problems and also its good to know your rights - have a read of this pregnancy rights leaflet: https://webarchive.nationalarchives.gov.uk/+/https://www.berr.gov.uk/files/file34285.pdf and a version for your employer is here: https://webarchive.nationalarchives.gov.uk/+/https://www.berr.gov.uk/files/file34286.pdf - you will recieve a copy in your bounty pack when you see your midwife. Give a copy to your manager in the first instance so you both know where you stand thats what i did and it shut them up many a time! LOL
Good luck with your employment and your pregnancy I know what its like to wait for a bump, so enjoy every minute of it and sod anyone who wants to bring you down!!