Feeling guilty

[charveyron]

Hi everyone,

I had a on the 14th march and we were so happy, we told our children straight away (twins aged 5 and son aged 3) my little boy aged 5, was so excited, my daughter was excited that It meant we could move and that she could have a bigger bedroom and my 3 year old didn't really understand. Anyway, my 5 year old son Kieron, is sooooo sensitive about everything, he is such a kind and gentle loving little boy. Sadly I miscarried on easter sunday, we explained to the children that the baby was poorly and that it was now a star in the sky with Granddad, my daughter and my 3 year old are fine but Kieron has really been affected by it, he's sad that we're not going to have the baby but he's also upset about me being upset, he crys about going to school - which is so unlike him and even his teacher has said that he's been 'different', luckily his teacher is really kind and has a bit of a soft spot for him, so has been really looking out for him.

I've tried talking to him on his own and told him that mummys not in pain and that I'm just sad and thats why I'm crying and have also told him that he can ask any questions he likes.

I just don't know what else to do for him, also for a week or so after the miscarriage he was wetting himself - which again is so unlike him - but that seems to have stopped now.

I feel sooo guilty for telling the children about the baby so early on in my pregnancy - I just wish that I had protected them from this upset, and I know that I caould have done had I not told them.

What can I do to help him??

xxx

 

[Doodles]

Hi Charveyron, I think that you have explained very well to your children what has happened in a way that they can understand. My SIL had a miscarriage and had the difficult job of explaining to her young children, they were at first upset because mummy was very sad, but it gave them an understanding of life and heaven and they have not been affected longterm. I hope that with a lot of reassurance from you, your son settles soon

 

[Tracey2008]

Oh I am so sorry to hear about your loss. Sadly I also miscarried on Easter Sunday. We hadnt told our children this time but I can tell you what we did following our previous miscarriage. We had told our children we were pregnant this was in July 2005. Sadly I miscarried at 8.5 weeks and it was so hard telling the children. Our oldest girls understood but my son was younger than yours at the time and he took it hard. Kept asking questions. Anyway we brought a statue for the garden and a rose bush and we explained to him that the baby had gone to heaven. But we would have a special place in the garden to remember the baby by and it really helped. He helped plant the rose bush and although hes now not upset about it he still does say when hes out in the garden that this is the place where we remember his brother or sister.

 

[biteable]

Firsty im so sorry for your loss.But dont feel guilty i did exactly the same last year with my 2 children i think its just a natural and exciting time that you want to share.My children were older and went through watching me suffer emotionly and physicaly,it was awful.The guilt was awful i feklt so bad for them and for my oh and his parents as it was there 1st child/grandchild.