Feeling like a failure (Venting)

[ladysarcasma]

My first birth was very traumatic. Without all the details, I had over 30 hours of induced labor followed by an emergency section, excessive bleeding, transfusion, etc... bad mojo. Anyway, baby and I were ok and went home after 4 days.

My first hospital can't get it together to send info to my doc, so we don't know what kind of uterine incision I have (someone made a note that is was possibly classical). Doc asked if I wanted to try for vaginal anyway, and my eyes got all big and I declared, "Ohhh no!" Risk another emergency section? No way! Even though the thought of another c-section scares the crap out of me (obviously this was not planned lol). So even though my last hospital said I have no choice and I absolutely must have another c-section, until my records are here, I'm an "elective" section. Fine.

My problem is that all the information, all the work outs, all the mom-to-be support articles, and whatnot...they're all about preparing for labor. Exercises to make labor easier. Teas to drink to make labor easier. Labor labor labor. There's not a whole heck of a lot about how to make your surgery more comfy

Sometimes, when I'm in an overly emotional state, it really makes me sad. It makes me feel like I've failed somehow, like I'm doing something very wrong by doing it this way and not the "real" way. I felt that way the first time, too, but since it was an emergency, I didn't have that much time to think about it. Now, I do, and it makes me sad. Does anyone else feel like this?

 

[Kwillenbring]

My first birth was very traumatic. Without all the details, I had over 30 hours of induced labor followed by an emergency section, excessive bleeding, transfusion, etc... bad mojo. Anyway, baby and I were ok and went home after 4 days.

My first hospital can't get it together to send info to my doc, so we don't know what kind of uterine incision I have (someone made a note that is was possibly classical). Doc asked if I wanted to try for vaginal anyway, and my eyes got all big and I declared, "Ohhh no!" Risk another emergency section? No way! Even though the thought of another c-section scares the crap out of me (obviously this was not planned lol). So even though my last hospital said I have no choice and I absolutely must have another c-section, until my records are here, I'm an "elective" section. Fine.

My problem is that all the information, all the work outs, all the mom-to-be support articles, and whatnot...they're all about preparing for labor. Exercises to make labor easier. Teas to drink to make labor easier. Labor labor labor. There's not a whole heck of a lot about how to make your surgery more comfy

Sometimes, when I'm in an overly emotional state, it really makes me sad. It makes me feel like I've failed somehow, like I'm doing something very wrong by doing it this way and not the "real" way. I felt that way the first time, too, but since it was an emergency, I didn't have that much time to think about it. Now, I do, and it makes me sad. Does anyone else feel like this?

My partner and I have recently decided to have a baby. We are currently raising my 10 year old daughter together. I had to have an emergency section with my daughter and I feel like I just missed out. I went through my birthing classes with a man that turned out to be a lying, dangerous jerk and we divorced. On top of that I fuffered from major post partum depression. Now I have a wonderful wife whom my daughter loves and I'd like to have a child with. I can picture her supporting me through my *dream* natural water birth and continuing to be a wonderful co-parent and partner for the rest of our lives. I kinda feel cheated out of that experience. So, when I go for my yearly this coming week I'm going to talk to my midwife. Happily, it's the same CNM who assisted my section with my daughter

 

[ladysarcasma]

Uh oh...were you and I both formerly married to the same man? Yes, my baby is obviously with another person, as well. I really wish both of us could have the birth experience. But it's just not going to happen for me and somehow I have to suck it up and deal with it. I just wish people realized that in this day and age there's more than one way to give birth. Sometimes, when you look up "planned c-section," a bunch of "elective cesarean" info comes up. As if everyone "elects" to have a repeat section. No one seems to understand that sometimes, it's unavoidable.

 

[Liesje]

I felt kind of guilty when we were scheduling my son's birth... I had my blackberry out, discussing with my OB's receptionist what my options were, emailing my parents to make sure the time was good for them, etc. then they wrote it on a card for me, that felt really weird. Mostly though because people make you feel guilty that the baby should be your top priority (technically he was, we were making sure everything was perfect for his arrival and no one had an excuse not to be ready!)
I also felt guilty that I didn't really care how he arrived, like I should be more upset that I'm not going into labor, but I wasn't. I was totally excited. I had a countdown, I went into the operating room dancing, we had music playing, everyone was joking around, it was a great experience.

 

[lule]

I felt the same way with my first c-section, mine was an emergency and all I wanted was my ds to be ok, it was after in recovery and the days that followed that I began to think I had missed out I also failed to breast feed and that made it even worse I cried and cried I felt like I was not a real mother as I could not even give birth and nurse properly, its scary how your mind works especially when you hormones are all over the place. My second c section was suppose to be a vbac but they realised that my dd was not growing properly so the doctor pushed for a c-section and reluctantly we agreed, I still cried, I suppose with my first I got to experience contractions!!.
I hate it when people assume a csection is the easiest way out and I agree most of the information out there is for natural birth, most of the articles I have read about c section is scary its all about what can go wrong and dont have one if you can help it!!!!!!!!.
I have come to terms with the fact that I wont be able to have a natural birth and any more babies will have to be by C-sec (currently ttc ) and that I cant bloody breast feed and to be honest I dont care anymore I have two healthy babies and to me thats all that matters if I have to miss out on a natural child birth to have my babies safe and healthy then so be it.
To ladysarcasam I can't say my recovery was bad and I would not say it was very traumatic but at the end of the day if you have suffered or been traumatised then what harm is there in having a repeat c section it does not make you a failure, at least you wont be to stressed worrying about if the same thing is going to happen again, I could not believe how calm my planned C-section was. I know whatever anyones say's or writes wont change how you feel but just know your not on your own when feeling like this, im guessing most mums who have had a c-sec have felt like that at some point.
I hope you have a wonderful pregnancy and a stress free healthy birth/ c-sec xx.