Feeling lonely and isolated :(

[LilMiss_91]

This will probably be fairly long, but if you've got a minute to read and reply I'd really appreciate it.

So I'll start by saying, I'm not the most social person ever. Back when I was at college a few years ago I had a fairly large group of friends but they've slowly dropped away, gone their own ways etc. I lost my very best friend (who is also my cousin) when his girlfriend basically turned him against me. I won't go into that, but let's just say I was heartbroken, we'd been closer than close since early childhood. I was left with very few friends after college, only about 4-5 proper ones. And now I only really have 2, I'll call them A (girl) and B (boy). B has only recently been back in my life after a few months staying with family in another part of the country but me and A have known each other for nearly 8yrs.
When I first found out I was pregnant, A was the only one who was there for me apart from my OH. She was very supportive and encouraging. But for the last month or so, her and B have become very close and B hasn't made any effort to speak to me for about 2 months. A doesn't seem bothered about seeing me unless she's having problems or wants to talk about her latest visit to see B (they are kind of seeing each other unofficially). She only ever asks pregnancy related things like how I'm feeling and how's the baby doing. She'll occasionally ask how me and OH are doing. It feels like that's all she seems to be able to think of to say to me, like my relationship and my pregnancy define who I am now. I also get the feeling that B doesn't get in contact anymore because I'm pregnant and "boring" now.
I just feel so sad because it's like I'm losing the last 2 friends I had and I can't just magic new ones out of thin air I've never been a big one for going out socialising but sometimes I think it would be quite nice to but I can't as I have no one to do it with. My OH never suggests it and besides, I don't know enough of his friends to really feel comfortable with them. I just get really down sometimes as OH goes to work and gets to at least have a chat and see some different people, he has a thing once a week he goes to with some friends. What do I have? When do I get to socialise with anyone? I don't I don't resent him for it, but I am jealous and I don't think he realises. On a daily basis I get to talk to him and my parents, A occasionally rings up when SHE wants a chat and I'll sometimes have a quick chat with my sister over facebook or text.
I feel so isolated. I'm only posting this here because I don"t have anyone in real life to tell I'm literally sat here crying because I feel so, SO lonely and I'm scared it's just going to get a million times worse after bubs is here.

 

[kirstybumx3]

please don't cry! I totally know how you are feeling, I have also over the years lost a lot of so called friends, but have told myself that if they didn't stick around I guess they weren't real friends. since being pregnant I feel I have lost even more friends, purely because I cant participate in the things we usually do anymore. I had quite a large group of girl friends who all meet up regularly for lunch and drinks, and nights out.. all including alcohol, a lot of the time a lot. but obviously I cant be doing these things right now, so I don't get asked which pisses me off. I don't think ill feel comfortable leaving my child to go out either, so I guess those 'friends' will be out of the picture a lot afterwards too.
other than drinking friends, I have 2 maybe 3 real friends, only one of which I know I could count on at any time, any day... and she has recently moved over 2 hours away due to work she does still message me occasionally, but its only briefly asking if im ok and how is bump, its like my pregnancy is the definition of all conversation.. we don't have chats like we used to.
it is a little upsetting, but ive just learnt to live with the fact my lifestyle has changed and maybe my friends cant relate to me as much anymore, it hurts but its true.
I find this forum helps me though, although I know nobody personally I feel I have support and.. well, friends I guess.
maybe its worth trying to make new 'mummy friends' people who can relate to you and the things you are going through, the changes being a parent will make to you and your life, if there are local mother and child groups try those out? you could make some new friends and at the same time so could your LO..

whatever you do please please try not to be upset im sure your friends do still care about you xx

 

[LilMiss_91]

I've tried telling myself the same things but where some people are concerned I can't quite make myself believe it especially my cousin. I could literally tell him anything, I could rely on him to back me up even if he knew I was wrong y'know? I feel like I must be the one at fault to have lost so many people I cared about.
I was thinking about mother and baby groups but I get really bad social anxiety and those sorts of situations fill me with absolute dread. Me and OH had our first antenatal class yesterday and even though I had him there for moral support I couldn't speak to a single person there :/
Your friend sounds a bit like mine in the way that pregnancy seems to be the only thing to talk about. I think people forget sometimes that just because you're pregnant, you're still the same person you were before xx

 

[kirstybumx3]

I get what you mean totally. I have been surprised with how people have changed with me since being pregnant, its like im a different person but im not, im still me behind this lump on my stomach, it doesn't change my identity. I guess to others it does =/
don't feel like you are alone, even though it is only an online thing, places such as this website can really help you feel you aren't alone, there are so many of us all in the same situation right now and its good to speak to others going through similar..
I think its good of you to post this thread and let it out in the hope that you can relate to others, rather than keep it to yourself and beat yourself up over it as that would only make it worse
big hugs xxx

 

[rowleypolie]

I am so sorry! My life has always been transient, moving every couple years, so I have been forced to make friends easily. When I was pregnant I lost all my good friends only because we were young and they thought having a baby would change everything, and it kinda does. No more 3am parties or eating dinner at 10 pm, things change even if you don't want them to. I would suggest mommy play groups. I have met friends that will last forever in these groups. If you have similar aged kids, you can go though milestones together. even your 2 month olds can lay on a blanket together while you chat away about things only another mother of a 2 month old would understand. There are tons of groups online that met regularly. I used to be in one here in the US. We had weekly local meetings and large area meetings a few times a year

 

[kaths101]

I know how you feel, maybe try net mums I know people who have met their best friends there! I think your social circle changes once you have babies, my friends without babies have disappeared too!
Try and conquer your social anxiety (I know totally not easy) but do it for your buba (and yourself) .. That's why net mums is good because you can explain all that before you even meet x

 

[babyfish2012]

This will probably be fairly long, but if you've got a minute to read and reply I'd really appreciate it.

So I'll start by saying, I'm not the most social person ever. Back when I was at college a few years ago I had a fairly large group of friends but they've slowly dropped away, gone their own ways etc. I lost my very best friend (who is also my cousin) when his girlfriend basically turned him against me. I won't go into that, but let's just say I was heartbroken, we'd been closer than close since early childhood. I was left with very few friends after college, only about 4-5 proper ones. And now I only really have 2, I'll call them A (girl) and B (boy). B has only recently been back in my life after a few months staying with family in another part of the country but me and A have known each other for nearly 8yrs.
When I first found out I was pregnant, A was the only one who was there for me apart from my OH. She was very supportive and encouraging. But for the last month or so, her and B have become very close and B hasn't made any effort to speak to me for about 2 months. A doesn't seem bothered about seeing me unless she's having problems or wants to talk about her latest visit to see B (they are kind of seeing each other unofficially). She only ever asks pregnancy related things like how I'm feeling and how's the baby doing. She'll occasionally ask how me and OH are doing. It feels like that's all she seems to be able to think of to say to me, like my relationship and my pregnancy define who I am now. I also get the feeling that B doesn't get in contact anymore because I'm pregnant and "boring" now.
I just feel so sad because it's like I'm losing the last 2 friends I had and I can't just magic new ones out of thin air I've never been a big one for going out socialising but sometimes I think it would be quite nice to but I can't as I have no one to do it with. My OH never suggests it and besides, I don't know enough of his friends to really feel comfortable with them. I just get really down sometimes as OH goes to work and gets to at least have a chat and see some different people, he has a thing once a week he goes to with some friends. What do I have? When do I get to socialise with anyone? I don't I don't resent him for it, but I am jealous and I don't think he realises. On a daily basis I get to talk to him and my parents, A occasionally rings up when SHE wants a chat and I'll sometimes have a quick chat with my sister over facebook or text.
I feel so isolated. I'm only posting this here because I don"t have anyone in real life to tell I'm literally sat here crying because I feel so, SO lonely and I'm scared it's just going to get a million times worse after bubs is here.

I feel almost the exact same way. I moved back home with family after i found out i was pregnant. All of my friends i had in New York never talk to me any more and the few friends i had back home are either really buisy or don't care either. I spend all day at home with relatives who are constantly critizing me which drives me nuts. I can't go out because theres no where to go, no way to get there and currently unemployed till after my daughter gets here. Its really hard just sitting at home watching time fly by.

 

[LilMiss_91]

Thankyou for your lovely replies ladies. It means so much to me to know that I can come on here and receive such amazing support from you all. It's a shame that those of us in this situation don't all live close to each other! We could keep each other company then!

I will try and see if I can find a smallish mum and baby group to join. I'm not sure what's available in my area as I live quite rurally but hopefully there will be something.
And I'll give netmums a go, as I can't say I've ever been on there before.

Thankyou again ladies. Hugs to you all xxx

 

[_Lexi_]

Just remember I'm only in Norwich!! Are you out in north walsham? I think I know your oh. I know how you feel. I've drifted away from a lot of people over the years. I used to be very confident and outgoing, but since losing Joshua I developed very bad social anxiety to the point I didn't leave my house for 3 months. I'm hoping to find some local mum and baby groups, I kinda feel that I can't be the only one round here feeling like this x

 

[kaths101]

:wave: I didn't even see you were in Norfolk! I am too, where are you? If you don't want to say here PM me, I go to a few groups so if you are near you could come with me, I'm shy and don't talk to anyone so you won't be alone!

P.s were only a week apart and both having boys! They could be little play mates

And lexi if you want to do a meet we could all meet, norwich isn't far from me x

 

[LilMiss_91]

Just remember I'm only in Norwich!! Are you out in north walsham? I think I know your oh. I know how you feel. I've drifted away from a lot of people over the years. I used to be very confident and outgoing, but since losing Joshua I developed very bad social anxiety to the point I didn't leave my house for 3 months. I'm hoping to find some local mum and baby groups, I kinda feel that I can't be the only one round here feeling like this x

I think you do actually, my OH showed me a pic of his friends new lil girl on facebook and I swear it was the same one I saw on here that you posted! Small world huh! I'm not actually in North Walsham but only about 10mins away in Bacton
I kinda wonder just how many people are feeling the same and keeping it bottled up like I was :/ xx

:wave: I didn't even see you were in Norfolk! I am too, where are you? If you don't want to say here PM me, I go to a few groups so if you are near you could come with me, I'm shy and don't talk to anyone so you won't be alone!

P.s were only a week apart and both having boys! They could be little play mates

And lexi if you want to do a meet we could all meet, norwich isn't far from me x

I'm in Bacton, it's right on the coast if you don't know it (most people don't!). Whereabouts are you?
Aw that would be really nice
The 3 of us meeting up sounds good too, we could all be shy together aha xx

 

[_Lexi_]

Definitely sounds like a plan to me x

 

[kaths101]

Just remember I'm only in Norwich!! Are you out in north walsham? I think I know your oh. I know how you feel. I've drifted away from a lot of people over the years. I used to be very confident and outgoing, but since losing Joshua I developed very bad social anxiety to the point I didn't leave my house for 3 months. I'm hoping to find some local mum and baby groups, I kinda feel that I can't be the only one round here feeling like this x

I think you do actually, my OH showed me a pic of his friends new lil girl on facebook and I swear it was the same one I saw on here that you posted! Small world huh! I'm not actually in North Walsham but only about 10mins away in Bacton
I kinda wonder just how many people are feeling the same and keeping it bottled up like I was :/ xx

:wave: I didn't even see you were in Norfolk! I am too, where are you? If you don't want to say here PM me, I go to a few groups so if you are near you could come with me, I'm shy and don't talk to anyone so you won't be alone!

P.s were only a week apart and both having boys! They could be little play mates

And lexi if you want to do a meet we could all meet, norwich isn't far from me x

I'm in Bacton, it's right on the coast if you don't know it (most people don't!). Whereabouts are you?
Aw that would be really nice
The 3 of us meeting up sounds good too, we could all be shy together aha xx

Yes I know it well, I'm just outside of cromer so not far away at all. Do you drive?
Haha, at least we all have something in common

 

[LilMiss_91]

I don't drive unfortunately :/ probably a good thing actually as I'd be a total nightmare behind the wheel! But I can get transport fairly easily xx

 

[kirstybumx3]

so happy to see you've found local friends x

 

[kaths101]

I don't drive unfortunately :/ probably a good thing actually as I'd be a total nightmare behind the wheel! But I can get transport fairly easily xx

I drive so I can come to you or pick you up if needs be, we will have to arrange something
How are you feeling today? My loneliness comes in waves! Sometimes I like my own company but other times I feel so alone

 

[LilMiss_91]

I don't drive unfortunately :/ probably a good thing actually as I'd be a total nightmare behind the wheel! But I can get transport fairly easily xx

I drive so I can come to you or pick you up if needs be, we will have to arrange something
How are you feeling today? My loneliness comes in waves! Sometimes I like my own company but other times I feel so alone

Yeah will definitely have to arrange something
Mine's the same really. Some days I just wish everyone would disappear and just leave me alone! Lol. It's not so bad today, I had a nice long soak in the bath and had a little retail therapy, also my OH is on his way over so all in all I'm in a pretty good mood today! Do you find it's ever triggered by anything particular? X