Feeling so upset today am I being a cow

[oldbirdni]

I'm going back to work next week after 9 weeks off after my ectopic pregnancy and surgery , I have just been told that one of the girls who I work closely with is pregnant and due when I would have been , just cried my eyes out and have a really weird feeling inside and I feel a cow for feeling like this but can't help it . It was so traumatic I don't think I'm strong enough to deal with it for next 6 months it's going to be too hard to watch knowing I should be growing like her and going for scans etc ,
Am I being a selfish unfair old bag ?

 

[TaraJ]

Hi OB, I'm so sorry for what you've been through. I completely understand what you're feeling now - you don't begrudge this woman, you just desperately want it to be you!

I lost a little girl at 16 weeks pregnant, came back to work to an email from someone I work with to say they were pregnant and wanted me to know before it became too obvious. This woman & I sit on the same floor within sight of eachother AND had been pregnant at the same time with our three year old daughters who both go to nursery together. I was really happy for her of course but at the same time every time I saw her I'd think I should be that size now etc... When her little girl was born it was almost a case of "and here's what you almost won" as I saw them most mornings at nursery. I was really happy for them but wanted it so badly to be me! Then I had another m/c earlier this year at Easter. Was in Portugal paddling in the sea when I had a text from one of my best friends saying she was pregnant and due in November on the *exact* date I would have been due! It was as though I split in two - one part of me was thrilled for her and the other part just wanted to lie down and cry!

You can't help the way you feel - it's so completely natural. Why on earth wouldn't you feel a little put-out and envious and absolutely torn up. BUT (and here's the tough love) it's just part and parcel of life - you win some, you lose some. You don't know what her experiences have been up to now - perhaps she's had some m/c or perhaps not but there are pregnant people *everywhere* - you always notice them so much more when you're pregnant or want to be pregnant or have just lost a pregnancy! Sod's law. So you're going to see them around everywhere and you need to start protecting yourself. The main thing is to be kind to yourself and give yourself a break. This woman will understand - does she know what's been happening with you? Perhaps even invite her for a coffee and say how happy you are for her but that it's wierd for you and if she picks up on any sort of vibe to just try and understand that it's hard for you.

I wish you the best of luck anyhow and hope it all goes ok.
Tx

 

[Garnet]

Ahh OB it perfectly fine to feel that way. A friend in her 40's got pregnant with the Instead cup right away after I suggested it to her and has a healthy pregnancy now so I was kinda bummed at first. Now I'm pregnant again. You will have your turn again and be happy for others because you will be blessed soon.

 

[sarahincanada]

you have every right to feel that way from what you have just experienced don't try to stop the feelings...let them out. time will heal and I hope you will get another bfp while she is pregnant, so it wont be so hard

 

[oldbirdni]

Thank you so much girls for understanding , I feel so awful for feeling how I feel , but I can't help it , think my hormones aren't helping either with first AF I just I know her so well she does know what's happened to me with all the operations etc over last 6 weeks but she is type to over emphasis everything and I'm going to find it so hard as she's complaining already about being pregnant and won't even think about what she's saying dreading going back now. X

 

[crystal443]

 

[Indigo77]

Birdi...never in a million years would we think you're being a cow...

 

[Abbys mommy]

BIG .....I am in the opposite situation but I feel your pain.....I have an identical twin sister who is also TTC. we are 35..She has had an ectopic about 5 months ago...scariest thing we(the whole family) ever had to go through...good thing the doctors caught it in time....then she had a MC last month - she thought she was 10 weeks but the baby died at 6 1/2 weeks.....I really want to get pregnant but if I do and no complications arise, I am going to feel sooo guilty. I so want us to be prego at the same time....I think it's perfectly natural to be upset, but when it happens for you..it will awesome.....stick with it.

 

[oldbirdni]

Thanks for all the messages , haven't slept properly all night this has really shook me up , Its surprised me how I feel, I'm not a jealous or envious person and it feels horrible! I am pleased for her honestly I am , it's just I know I'll find myself comparing what should have been with what is ... Wrong I know maybe my head isn't as sorted as I thought it was after the cornual ectopic afterall !! I've been offered a job close by out of the blue, didn't give it another thought until now tbh , women there are all kinda older and friendly Wondering now if fate maybe pushing me in that direction?? It would give me opportunity to deal with what's happened while I'm working instead of it being there in my face . Don't get me wrong I don't want to close myself off to all pregnant women forever , this is just circumstance and bad timing on my part not hers , maybe if I'd been a few more months down the line I'd have felt differently but I know in my heart I'm really gonna struggle with this x sorry to go on don't know what's up with me xxx

 

[nickyXjayno]

DO NOT feel bad for how you are feeling.
What you are going through is horrible and in no way makes you a bad person.

 

[oldbirdni]

thanks nicky , its been an emotional day or so xx

 

[PugLuvAh]

You can't help but feel that way--its completely normal

A few weeks after my miscarriage a good friend told me she was pregnant; we would have been due less than a month apart. Its not that I wasn't happy for her, but I was sad for me. Even though I am pregnant again now, whenever I see her I think "my belly should be that big" or "I should be due in 3 months instead of 5 months".

Feeling sad or jealous or angry is totally normal, I hope your transition back isn't too stressful. Good luck with everything xo

 

[oldbirdni]

Congrats PugLuvAh, Im so chuffed for you I'll follow your journey with interest . Thank you for sending your message and yes that is exactly how Im scared i'll feel , you know ,... I should be looking like her , I should be having a scan etc. I know and rightly so she'll bring in her scan pics and I feel so sick even thinking about that as I'd have been exactly the same stage as her and it will be like looking at I couldnt keep x

 

[Desperado167]

Awk Hun,your time will come and u will have your l.o ,keep the faith ,I know it's hard

 

[oldbirdni]

Thanks desperado X I'm just a bit down I'll pick up was just a bit of a shock hearing that news xx

 

[Desperado167]

Thanks desperado X I'm just a bit down I'll pick up was just a bit of a shock hearing that news xx

I know Hun ,awk please don't be sad ,It makes me sad too,

 

[Natsby]

Oh poor you, I know how you feel. My friend was one month pregnant when I got my BFP. Then when I started getting pains she was the one I called, but my pregnancy ended in MC whilst hers went on to a gorgeous baby girl. I spent a week with her recently, and with another baby that was born on my due date and in both cases I felt so desperate, why can´t it be me? That a year later I am still waiting and they have their babies is really tough. I can feel happy for them now but I am still jealous and feel that it is so unfair. But as the second post says it is just the luck of the draw and when we are pregnant there will be other women looking at us an feeling the same, but we will be able to deal with it and offer support because we understand. Our times will come I hope it is soon for all of us!