Feline
OMG I'm a mummy!!
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- Mar 2, 2012
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I wanted to share my 'that was it' with you because I agonized so much throughout my pregnancy about my birth plan - whether to go for natural birth or elective c-section. My instinct all along was for an elective c-section, mainly because I felt more comfortable with the risks of c-section compared to the risks of vaginal birth. I am 39, so most of my friends have already had their babies. Four of them including my sister had difficult, traumatic first labours, resulting in birthing injuries/PTSS. There was no reason why I should also experience such problems, but it was a possibility that concerned me a great deal. I am slim and fit (lots of cycling and yoga), but was also concerned that due to my age, my body as a nearly-40 year old wasn't in the best position to bounce back from pelvic floor damage/incontinence etc.
I did a huge amount of research about the pros and cons of both vaginal vs caesarian birth, and felt confident that the health of my baby would not be jeopardized any more by c-section than it would by vaginal birth. I talked the matter over with my consultant, and he was willing to support my case for c-section. Thus it was booked in pretty early in my pregnancy; however, I made it clear that closer to the time, I might want to change my mind. I did feel a lot of pressure generally to try for a vaginal delivery. My preference for c-section was not the norm and a lot of people friends and family were disapproving. My partner was very supportive.
Let me be very clear that I did not take the thought of c-section lightly - everything you read about it shrieks 'major abdominal surgery'. I have never been in hospital before and the thought of being cut open did terrify me. It just terrified me slightly less than a bad labour (my poor partner spent most of the pregnancy listening to me obsess about this...)
To cut a long story short, despite much umming and ahhing on my part throughout the pregnancy, I decided to go ahead with the c-section. So, on 21 January 2013 my partner and I drove to the hospital at 6am. It was all very atmospheric - the weather was terrible, there was deep snow, cars were already getting stuck and I was feeling hugely anxious and nervous. We checked in at the hospital and were admitted to the ward and were told I was the only elective section that day, so things should progress pretty quickly. During the checking in and initial assessment processes I was put at ease by the professional and thorough manner of all the ward staff we came into contact with. This surprised me as Im a bit down on the NHS due to some poor experiences and errors they made in the past regarding the care and treatment of an ex-partner with a long-term illness.
As it happened, we had to wait until later than expected due to several emergency sections taking place. Waiting was hard, mainly due to my nervousness. Eventually, mid-morning, I changed into my theatre clothes, my partner changed into his scrubs and I was wheeled on a trolley to meet the anesthetic team and have my spinal and catheter inserted.
I was kind of beside myself with anxiety at this point - I was really worried it was going to hurt, or go wrong, etc etc. However, the anesthetic team was amazing. They introduced themselves to me, were warm, confidence inspiring and professional, and talked me through everything I should expect. A lovely midwife was also present, to take care of our baby when he was delivered, and oversee the apgar scores etc.
The spinal didn't hurt at all - they numbed the area first with local anesthetic, so the sensation was like the prick you get with a blood test. The catheter was inserted after the spinal, so I was totally unaware of it. After the spinal was administered I was moved to theatre and met the surgical team, who also introduced themelves to me. Again, I was overwhelmed by their warm, professional manner. Further checks were done to ensure that the spinal had worked - it had - I couldn't feel a thing, and couldn't tell when they started. I also couldn't feel any pulling or tugging sensations when my baby was delivered, which I had expected.
The theatre team talked me through what was happening step by step throughout the section - from 'baby is well engaged down there' to 'baby has a lot of dark hair'. A short while later, my beautiful son was delivered. Before I saw him I heard his wonderful, vigorous cry - it was the best sound in the world and one I will remember forever because I knew it meant he was ok. My partner and I both stated crying with joy and I looked over to see my son. My initial reaction was 'OMG - he's massive!!" (he was nearly 9lbs and a 'long' baby). It sounds silly but I couldn't believe he had been in my tummy I had only known him as a bump, not a real-life baby. My brain was a bit blitzed due to the combined effects of massive apprehension and the anesthesia. Like an idiot I kept saying to my partner: I cant believe he was in my tummy all along!!.
My son was passed to my partner, as we had agreed in advance, while I was stitched up. We sat together, staring enchanted at our little boy, crying tears of happiness and relief. A short while later my boy was placed on my chest, and I waited in recovery to be wheeled back onto the ward.
My recovery since the section has been incredibly easy, and I feel very blessed. JJ my son had apgar scores of 9, and has been breastfeeding brilliantly from the start. It took about three/four days for my milk to come in (I had ample colostrum - I know because I expressed some at the hospital). By day 10 my little boy had exceeded his birth weight, which was great.
Friends who'd had emergency c-sections advised me to take all the pain relief available at first, and to stay on top of it, so I did. At no point since the section have I felt anything I would describe as particularly painful; during the first 24 hours my pain relief did wear off at one point, and it definitely began to hurt, but it was hardly unbearable - I've had worse period pains - and was soon sorted out. The first 24 hours were the hardest, mainly just because I was emotionally very overwhelmed that the birth of my son had actually happened, and we were both well and happy. I was also dealing with the after-effects of getting myself very unnecessarily worked up about the section.
48 hours after the section I was basically feeling ok - obviously I was moving slowly, and taking the painkillers, and getting out of bed very carefully, but all told I felt fine and couldn't believe it. I was holding JJ no problem, and my incision area was low down and in no way presenting a problem for breast-feeding. I would have been discharged two days after the section, but they kept me in for longer because I fainted the first time I sat up (which was not a surprise to me - I'm prone to fainting because my blood pressure is on the low side).
I was discharged on the Thursday, and although I've been careful not to overdo it or carry anything heavier than JJ, I can't believe how good I feel or how quickly I've healed. My wound healed well and the midwife removed the stitches on day five. I ditched the painkillers on about day 8 as I didn't really need them (they were anyway just paracetamol and anti-inflammatories). On day 11 I did 20 minutes of light yoga, which felt great. I basically feel like I've got my body back (being able to pee normally again after 6 months of pregnancy-induced bladder problems is AMAZING), and although it will take a while to strengthen my tummy muscles and be able to exercise hard again, there is still a degree of strength there, and the tricky thing now is forgetting I've had the section and over-doing it by lifting heavy things.
So, for me, c-section was definitely the right choice - JJ's birth was magical and something my partner and I will remember with tears of joy forever. My body feels great, and I feel very fortunate that everything went so smoothly. I was very very sleep deprived before the section due to months of waking up every hour at night to pee, and the thought of going through a two day labour and then having to care around the clock for a new born immediately afterwards when even more exhausted ...god it would have been hard. So, whilst I have no vaginal delivery to compare my section to, I'm so pleased I made the choice I did, and that I was lucky enough to have the option, it was definitely right for me.
I had been worried about how I would bond with JJ because my body would not be going through vaginal delivery and although I love children I have never been a baby person (although I'd run across a field to see a puppy!). However, during the first 24 hours I spent with him alone in hospital, staring at him (partners can't stay on the ward overnight with you), something very primal and profound passed between us and I fell in love. I have had many many teary moments since then, thinking he's so perfect/how can I possibly do him justice/how can I protect him in a world that is so messed up and dangerous etc etc. Mother nature has issued some strong hormones when it comes to mother- child bonding and there is a quality of magic to it that I would never have believed possible during my pregnancy.
For the record, we don't know whether or not we will have another child, due to our ages. If we do however, I would have a section again in a heart beat.
The only other thing I would add is that I spent the entire pregnancy agonizing about my birth choices. What I hadn't realised is how intense the feelings are for your child when it's born (and note I am someone who, prior to JJ's birth, refused to hold newborns and thought them dull and boring. No interest in them whatsoever!). The feelings you have for your child are so overwhelming that you kind of immediately forget the trials and tribulations of pregnancy and the experience of delivery. Things that worried me before JJ was born - ie saggy tummy and boobs - now seem ridiculous. It has made me understand how women who do have bad experiences in labour are able to cope with it and go on to have more children. It's because the love you have for your child is the most amazing, life-changing thing possible, totally unconditional and joyous, everything else seems irrelevant. There's no way I could have understood that until my own little munchkin came along.
So, that was my 'that was it'! Good luck to all you ladies in yours!! xx
Ps when I've worked out how to attach a pic I will introduce you to my munchkin.xx
I did a huge amount of research about the pros and cons of both vaginal vs caesarian birth, and felt confident that the health of my baby would not be jeopardized any more by c-section than it would by vaginal birth. I talked the matter over with my consultant, and he was willing to support my case for c-section. Thus it was booked in pretty early in my pregnancy; however, I made it clear that closer to the time, I might want to change my mind. I did feel a lot of pressure generally to try for a vaginal delivery. My preference for c-section was not the norm and a lot of people friends and family were disapproving. My partner was very supportive.
Let me be very clear that I did not take the thought of c-section lightly - everything you read about it shrieks 'major abdominal surgery'. I have never been in hospital before and the thought of being cut open did terrify me. It just terrified me slightly less than a bad labour (my poor partner spent most of the pregnancy listening to me obsess about this...)
To cut a long story short, despite much umming and ahhing on my part throughout the pregnancy, I decided to go ahead with the c-section. So, on 21 January 2013 my partner and I drove to the hospital at 6am. It was all very atmospheric - the weather was terrible, there was deep snow, cars were already getting stuck and I was feeling hugely anxious and nervous. We checked in at the hospital and were admitted to the ward and were told I was the only elective section that day, so things should progress pretty quickly. During the checking in and initial assessment processes I was put at ease by the professional and thorough manner of all the ward staff we came into contact with. This surprised me as Im a bit down on the NHS due to some poor experiences and errors they made in the past regarding the care and treatment of an ex-partner with a long-term illness.
As it happened, we had to wait until later than expected due to several emergency sections taking place. Waiting was hard, mainly due to my nervousness. Eventually, mid-morning, I changed into my theatre clothes, my partner changed into his scrubs and I was wheeled on a trolley to meet the anesthetic team and have my spinal and catheter inserted.
I was kind of beside myself with anxiety at this point - I was really worried it was going to hurt, or go wrong, etc etc. However, the anesthetic team was amazing. They introduced themselves to me, were warm, confidence inspiring and professional, and talked me through everything I should expect. A lovely midwife was also present, to take care of our baby when he was delivered, and oversee the apgar scores etc.
The spinal didn't hurt at all - they numbed the area first with local anesthetic, so the sensation was like the prick you get with a blood test. The catheter was inserted after the spinal, so I was totally unaware of it. After the spinal was administered I was moved to theatre and met the surgical team, who also introduced themelves to me. Again, I was overwhelmed by their warm, professional manner. Further checks were done to ensure that the spinal had worked - it had - I couldn't feel a thing, and couldn't tell when they started. I also couldn't feel any pulling or tugging sensations when my baby was delivered, which I had expected.
The theatre team talked me through what was happening step by step throughout the section - from 'baby is well engaged down there' to 'baby has a lot of dark hair'. A short while later, my beautiful son was delivered. Before I saw him I heard his wonderful, vigorous cry - it was the best sound in the world and one I will remember forever because I knew it meant he was ok. My partner and I both stated crying with joy and I looked over to see my son. My initial reaction was 'OMG - he's massive!!" (he was nearly 9lbs and a 'long' baby). It sounds silly but I couldn't believe he had been in my tummy I had only known him as a bump, not a real-life baby. My brain was a bit blitzed due to the combined effects of massive apprehension and the anesthesia. Like an idiot I kept saying to my partner: I cant believe he was in my tummy all along!!.
My son was passed to my partner, as we had agreed in advance, while I was stitched up. We sat together, staring enchanted at our little boy, crying tears of happiness and relief. A short while later my boy was placed on my chest, and I waited in recovery to be wheeled back onto the ward.
My recovery since the section has been incredibly easy, and I feel very blessed. JJ my son had apgar scores of 9, and has been breastfeeding brilliantly from the start. It took about three/four days for my milk to come in (I had ample colostrum - I know because I expressed some at the hospital). By day 10 my little boy had exceeded his birth weight, which was great.
Friends who'd had emergency c-sections advised me to take all the pain relief available at first, and to stay on top of it, so I did. At no point since the section have I felt anything I would describe as particularly painful; during the first 24 hours my pain relief did wear off at one point, and it definitely began to hurt, but it was hardly unbearable - I've had worse period pains - and was soon sorted out. The first 24 hours were the hardest, mainly just because I was emotionally very overwhelmed that the birth of my son had actually happened, and we were both well and happy. I was also dealing with the after-effects of getting myself very unnecessarily worked up about the section.
48 hours after the section I was basically feeling ok - obviously I was moving slowly, and taking the painkillers, and getting out of bed very carefully, but all told I felt fine and couldn't believe it. I was holding JJ no problem, and my incision area was low down and in no way presenting a problem for breast-feeding. I would have been discharged two days after the section, but they kept me in for longer because I fainted the first time I sat up (which was not a surprise to me - I'm prone to fainting because my blood pressure is on the low side).
I was discharged on the Thursday, and although I've been careful not to overdo it or carry anything heavier than JJ, I can't believe how good I feel or how quickly I've healed. My wound healed well and the midwife removed the stitches on day five. I ditched the painkillers on about day 8 as I didn't really need them (they were anyway just paracetamol and anti-inflammatories). On day 11 I did 20 minutes of light yoga, which felt great. I basically feel like I've got my body back (being able to pee normally again after 6 months of pregnancy-induced bladder problems is AMAZING), and although it will take a while to strengthen my tummy muscles and be able to exercise hard again, there is still a degree of strength there, and the tricky thing now is forgetting I've had the section and over-doing it by lifting heavy things.
So, for me, c-section was definitely the right choice - JJ's birth was magical and something my partner and I will remember with tears of joy forever. My body feels great, and I feel very fortunate that everything went so smoothly. I was very very sleep deprived before the section due to months of waking up every hour at night to pee, and the thought of going through a two day labour and then having to care around the clock for a new born immediately afterwards when even more exhausted ...god it would have been hard. So, whilst I have no vaginal delivery to compare my section to, I'm so pleased I made the choice I did, and that I was lucky enough to have the option, it was definitely right for me.
I had been worried about how I would bond with JJ because my body would not be going through vaginal delivery and although I love children I have never been a baby person (although I'd run across a field to see a puppy!). However, during the first 24 hours I spent with him alone in hospital, staring at him (partners can't stay on the ward overnight with you), something very primal and profound passed between us and I fell in love. I have had many many teary moments since then, thinking he's so perfect/how can I possibly do him justice/how can I protect him in a world that is so messed up and dangerous etc etc. Mother nature has issued some strong hormones when it comes to mother- child bonding and there is a quality of magic to it that I would never have believed possible during my pregnancy.
For the record, we don't know whether or not we will have another child, due to our ages. If we do however, I would have a section again in a heart beat.
The only other thing I would add is that I spent the entire pregnancy agonizing about my birth choices. What I hadn't realised is how intense the feelings are for your child when it's born (and note I am someone who, prior to JJ's birth, refused to hold newborns and thought them dull and boring. No interest in them whatsoever!). The feelings you have for your child are so overwhelming that you kind of immediately forget the trials and tribulations of pregnancy and the experience of delivery. Things that worried me before JJ was born - ie saggy tummy and boobs - now seem ridiculous. It has made me understand how women who do have bad experiences in labour are able to cope with it and go on to have more children. It's because the love you have for your child is the most amazing, life-changing thing possible, totally unconditional and joyous, everything else seems irrelevant. There's no way I could have understood that until my own little munchkin came along.
So, that was my 'that was it'! Good luck to all you ladies in yours!! xx
Ps when I've worked out how to attach a pic I will introduce you to my munchkin.xx
congratulations!
