fighting to get father of DS involved....

[lynne192]

i need some help and advice, my son is 3.5years and never meet his real father... i have been fighting for 3years for him to even acknowledge my son.... i really need some help and tips etc. i tried to text and got abuse. i wrote to his mother and now getting back lash.... have offered DNA etc.... what else can i do should i reprt him to CSA as he never has been as my son's father?

 

[bobblebot]

honey...any child does not need a parent who really doe not want to be there. to force him would cause more problem than benfits. Hewill always be perfectly happyhaving one wonderful parent and he will know in time that you tried everything to get his dad involved. His dad is the only loser take it from me, i have a 3 yr old who i wish to hell his dad wasn't there.....he make our lives hell

Just report him to csa and get atleast a financial contribution he has to pay that

 

[lou_w34]

Well, i would personally stop trying to get him in contact with your son. At the moment FOB knows he can see your son anytime he wants as you will let him. I would send him one final message saying smething along the lines of 'you now understand that he wants no involvement with his son, and that you are no longer going to try to make him be involved' If he see's that his son is not so available anymre, it may give him the kick up the backside that he needs.

But in all honesty, he may not reply, and if he doesnt, he is no great loss, you shouldnt be spending half your life trying to get a man involved in your sons life who doesnt want to be. I would just leave him, and when he cmes crawling out of the wood work in 10 years time, you can tell him you gave him many chances, and he blew it, you can also tell you son the same, that you gave his father all the chances that he could ever need!

However i would contact CSA, if he wont see his son, he should be paying for him at the very least!!

Good luck x

 

[billy2mm]

you cant "force" him to be involved in your sons life. he will only be involved if he wants to be.

does he pay maintenence? if not go to the csa and get that sorted out. doesnt matter if he is involved or not - he created this lo willingly he has a responsibility to pay for his upbringing!

 

[lynne192]

thanks all i contacted him tonight and he just hurrled abuse at me, my son is very difficult as has mental health condition which makes it hard on everyone, my OH who has been my Son's Daddy as long as he can remember but its emotionall destorying me the way things are and that he has never even meet my son, i guess i am looking for some closure i will never ever get.... i dunno tbh, i am worried about seeming like a heartless cow by reporting him to CSA?

 

[lynne192]

thanks all he is demanding a DNA test but doesn't want to be involved in James life anyways so unsure if there is much point at all or if its just another reason to stall?

 

[purpledahlia]

He's demanding DNA through CSA?? Let him! Just get that done and they will set up money for you, may take a month may take a year but its the way it should be!

 

[billy2mm]

you are not being a heartless cow by going to the csa! its your sons right that he gets support from his father!

the csa will do a dna test and sort it all out from there. if he refuses to do the test then the csa will assume that he is the father and will seize his wages if he doesnt co-operate.

 

[lynne192]

i don't know if he works or not or if he has money to take... i am not in this for money i just hate being called this and that and having my son slagged because he said he is not his father when they look spitting of each other so that alone is messed up hapy to show pictures and let you all have your own say on looks? i really am not happy but i know if i get CSA involved and he is the father (which he is) then he would need to pay for the DNA test...?

 

[billy2mm]

if he doenst work then he must be claiming benefits and you are entitled to £5 a week of that.

at the end of the day you and those most important to you know the truth so it shouldnt matter what anyone else has to say about you. my ex is still spouting shite about me to anyone that will listen but one day they will know the truth and he will be shown to be what he is - a lying cheating waste of organs! it still gets to me now 2 years down the line but i have my wonderful kids and he has nothing. through his own choice.

 

[lynne192]

understand hun i am just sick of the crap and that you know and his mum wanted to be involved and hell knows what he said to her.... i dunno anyways he has been emailing me non-stop since about 10pm sadly tonight i had to rush my son to hospital as he was attacked by dog, he is luckily okay althought will have some nasty scares possibly, anyways i emailed him when i was in hospital telling him i would deal with it the moment i got out of hospital and that wee man has been taken in to hospital and was battered and cut up pretty bad and what had happened this is his reply:

"no i want to deal with it now! like u said in ur last post we've put this off long enough i want the DNA test.. will need a contact number to go over the details. don't want to have any contact with u other than phone convo's to arrange the dates!! don't want u at the clinic either. if u don't sort it out with me i'll take matters into my own hands."

WTF? what kind of reply is this?

 

[billy2mm]

i would go to the police with that - to me thats a threat!

so sorry your son was attacked! really hope he isnt too bad hun!

 

[lynne192]

i sooke 2 citizen advice and they told me to lawyer up

 

[billy2mm]

i sooke 2 citizen advice and they told me to lawyer up

yup as soon as possible that way you dont have to deal with him at all just tell him to speak to your solicitor.

 

[lynne192]

i went to laywers office today but she was in court so not heard from here EX not emailed me again but not replyed unsure what to say my OH was meant to be backing me up with all this but because stuff with the dog attacking james we are not kinda not talking so not sure if i am going to have to fight this alone.... but anyways said i was to stay away from CSA as that could land me in hot water and my ex could get all sorts of rights to james he shouldn't be allowed to have.

 

[billy2mm]

the csa gives him no more rights than he already has! they just make him pay. contact/access is totally different!

 

[lynne192]

i'm just going on what CAB told me and they said lawyer up and lawyer agree with his violent history and the intensity of the messages he has been emailing me alot with the same message etc i just asked for his address and said laywer will contact him.