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Finally plucking up the courage to tell our family

  • Thread starter Thread starter StephieB
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StephieB

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So, for some reason today seems as good as any other day to finally break our stupid 2 and a bit year cycle of silence about our IF and finally tell our families what we are going through.

OK, well that bit sounds big and brave, but I'm too afraid to actually tell them face to face, so I stole an idea from some lovely lady on here (sorry I can't remember the name) and made a blog, with our first post being a letter to our families.

Now that I've written it, I'm too afraid to actually send it to my MIL and ask her to read it. So as always, I have run over to BnB to seek advice and guidance from you lovely lot, so I've attached a link to our new blog, and if you wouldn't mind having a read, is it too much, not enough, too emotional, too silly, too what? Or should I just grow a pair and send the link and sit back and panic wondering if they have read it or not?

www.secretlyinfertile.blogspot.co.uk

:thumbup: as always, you're stars!

Steph
 
I think it is written perfectly.

I can't tell you if it's too much, not enough, too emotional, too silly etc because it's YOUR letter, we all feel differently about it. This is your honesty written down in your own words, this is how YOU feel, so i think you shouldn't change a thing. Anything you didn't want to add, you probably didn't. Anything you did want to add, you probably did.

I can't tell you whether to send it or not either, only you know when you feel comfortable enough to send it or not.

I also like that you have made it clear, you want no comments, no negativity about how long you have been TTc and why! All you want is for them to know and for support and that you are sorry if they feel you have been lying. This is your journey, not theirs.

I like it.

You do what you feel is best, when you are ready.

Good Luck Stephie, let us know how it goes.

xxx
 
Ah thanks BearsMummy :hugs: I made me DH read it and he got all teary and said it actually felt a bit real being written down.

I think we're going to email it over to immediate family tonight so they all know, will let you know of the responses. I'm sure you'll hear me venting about it :haha:
 
I think it is a very honest, heartfelt blog and all that matters is that this is how you feel and you are ready to share it. Good luck x
 
I don't know if this helps but I think this post is really good at explaining how infertiloty feels
https://www.resolve.org/support-and-services/for-family--friends/infertility-etiquette.html
I have thought about sending this to my friends and family.
 
Mjemma that link is brilliant! I'm definitely going to make that available to friends and family, its like everything i want to scream at people but can't :thumbup:
 
Mjemma that link is brilliant! I'm definitely going to make that available to friends and family, its like everything i want to scream at people but can't :thumbup:

Exactly! I'm glad it's helpful. Hope everything goes the way you want it to.
 
Steph, i think it is brilliant too, it explains everything, is written in a lovely way and doesn't come across as hurtful or pointing the finger.
I didn't know a blighted ovum counted as not a pregnancy - the fertility specialist I am seeing says it means we can conceive and therefore there is hope - i love the way the NHS conflicts.
I think you are brave telling your family, but it is something we will also be doing soon, for the same reasons you talk of in you blog.
good luck and all the best
xx
 
OK, the link worked this time.

It is WONDERFUL!!:hugs: I think it is beautifully written and you cover all of your bases. I love how you added in the parts of what people should not say to you.

It seems perfect. :hugs:
 
Steph.

What a great way to tell people without having to say it over and over again.
Very well written, best of luck with the family responses but I am sure everyone will be very understanding. I would be interested in hearing their response when and if you are ready to share. xx

Mjemma - fab link and great to read that all my feelings to peoples comments on our infertility are normal, especially the bit about IVF. Some of my friends response to our infertility have been "but you have DH frozen sperm so will be easy to conceive with IVF" - they clearly have no idea how difficult & time consuming it is to even get an appointment in an assisted conception unit on the NHS let alone to be referred for IVF!

xx
 
I had tears in my eyes when I was reading it!!:cry:

It's brilliant, I think at some point in the future I am going to have to do this aswell, there is no way I could ever explain what we are going through face to face with family without breaking down inbetween!

You are very brave:thumbup:
 
Fantastic!

It's rather challenging to explain to fertile people your infertility. I like how you put it as simply as possible.

Hopefully they will read it. However, brace yourself for ignorant and insensitive comments.

While my MIL knows the full details of our IF, she still insists that we go to church, God will give us a baby. Erm, okkkayyyy. However, that shouldn't be the only reason I would choose to go to church. Apparently praying every night for the last 3 years isn't good enough.:nope:
 
Just read it and it was beautiful. I hope you get all the support you want and deserve. :hugs:
 
Its a lovely letter and explains how you feel - I hope you get a supportive response. Please let us know how you get on!

OH and I did tell family face to face (male factor) so was exremely difficult and embarassing for OH! everyone is really supportive but with the same tocken dont understand what we are really going through - your letter explains things much better x
 
ladies you are all wonderful :hugs:

Well we emailed it over to my mother and father in law last night and called them asking them to check their emails and sat and waited. As soon as we pressed 'send' I cried, I don't even know what I was crying about, I just sobbed for about 20 minutes!

It took about 90minutes for us to hear anything back from my mother in law and it felt like the longest 90 minutes ever! We were thinking they were mad, were they upset were they ignoring us etc... and then she called us and I cried again (before even answering the phone!! :dohh:)

She said that she and my father in law cried reading the letter, and she was so sorry for everything that we were going through, and even apologised for telling us everyone else's baby news over the past couple of months. They said that they would stan by us through all of lives ups and downs and couldn't wait for us to go and see them today so they could give us a hug. So over all it was a positive response :happydance: but then again I am well aware that I haven't see anyone face to face yet.

We asked them to send it to my two sisters and brother in law but not to share it with wider family for the time being (my husbands family is HUGE!) but no doubt there will have already been phone calls. I'm going over to see them face to face later on today, so no doubt I will have more to update.

Thanks again ladies for all the positive feedback, I really appreciate it! :flower:
Army - My MIL sometimes is the queen of insensitive comments, although I know she doesn't mean it personally, it's like her brain isn't actually connected to her mouth. The week after our miscarriage I went into hospital for a completely unrelated procedure and my MIL told us "You better not be bringing anything else back from the hospital, I'm too young to be a grandma" :dohh:
 
Stephie,

I am so glad you had a positive response! Thats lovely how MIL just wants to hug you!! Sometimes, that's all we need, is a hug!

xx
 
You are a brave girl, and I'm proud of you for pressing send! I didn't cry when I read your letter (no offense at all, just that I could have written a similar letter, and I've cried too much for myself already) but I welled up with tears when I read how they RESPONDED to your letter! So powerful to know that you have the support you've been longing for! Best of luck to you!!!
 
hi very brave of you and im glad you got a positive response and i hope you continue to have their support . rosebud
 
I truly loved how sincere and appropriate all your words seemed. Everyone of us deals differently, on how to come out in the open about Infertility and TTC. It truly isn't easy no matter how supportive or united one's family is. Believe it or not your post has inspired me to come out in the open about this, not to all family of course but those who truly matter and want the best for us. Thank you for your post. Keep Strong, I will add you to my prayers. God Bless.
 

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