finding this so hard.

[mama et bebe]

hey ladies. Im new to this section as started bleeding sunday evening and today passed what looked like the sac! i was only 4weeks 3days but feeling such heartache! Is anybody elses OH not very supportive? I already have a 1 year old and this was my 1st miscarriage so was a real shock and still hasnt quite sunk in yet just keep breaking down in tears. My OH just doesnt seem very bothered hes made me chase after my little one all day and hasnt help me at all. Its breaking my heart even more cause feel like hes blaming me or something. Sorry to go on but had to get it out as i have nobody to talk to. Thanks x x

 

[Hanskiz]

So sorry for you loss

It's such a hard time no matter how far along you are.
It does get easier though - day by day - I lost 4 weeks ago and I feel ok about it now. You will heal and learn to accept your loss, even if it seems impossible now.

I guess your husband doesn't really understand what you're feeling - it is hard for men as they don't experience pregnancy and what seem slike him being insensitive is probably just him not getting it. Try and sit down together and talk about how you feel. It may be that he is as upset as you are and just doesn't know how to deal with it.

I hope you find the help you need here. I wouldn't have got through the last few weeks without the advice and support I have got from the wonderful ladies here.

 

[mama et bebe]

thanks so much for your reply. Im so sorry for your loss too! It has got to me the worse heartache ive ever felt! Hes seen me break down a couple of times today and just gives me a tissue and walks away i dont think he undertands at all your right there! Last night i was laying in bed on my own and just said a quiet goodbye to my baby and made me feel a bit better x x

 

[Hanskiz]

I think you need time to say goodbye - it's good that you did that.

I think your hubby is probably trying to be 'strong' for you. Men are funny like that!
I hope you manage to sort things out together. It really will all be ok, sooner than you think.

 

[mama et bebe]

thanks so much for your help as i was typing that last message he came into the living room with a hot water bottle for my cramps and a cup of tea and also gave me a much needed hug. Im feeling so much better already. Thankyou x x

 

[Hanskiz]

Glad to hear it... now snuggle up and have a cuddle.

 

[Mel S]

Sorry for your loss, it will get easier but it takes time and you both need to grieve in your own way. You will probably find your OH just doesn't know what to say or do to help but you do need to try and talk to him.

 

[mama et bebe]

thankyou both for taking the time to reply x x

 

[lozzie27]

so sorry for your loss it doesnt matter how many weeks you were you still have to greive and it will take time but in a few weeks i promise you will feel a bit better and get stronger day by day. men are funny creatures really!! i just dont think they know what to do when they see the person they love upset and they can't do anything to make it better. take the time you need o cry scream and shout love and hugs

 

[mama et bebe]

thankyou. I have hit the thanks button to all of you in here but im not sure if its working. My account is playing up a bit x x

 

[Garnet]

I really think some men don't really know how to deal with a miscarriage. When I started bleeding, I told my husband I think I'm losing the baby and he started saying "You are not even giving it a chance". You are thinking negitively. I just think they are insensitive and don't realize the emotional and hormonal effects it has on us. I had to tell him how I felt and that he was being really insensitive towards our loss.. In the mean time do something special for yourself. Hugs...

 

[dimplesmagee]

Four weeks after my first MC my husband said, "I just feel like you should get over it." Our second MC, three months later, he said, "I know better now." He often times said, "I am trying to be strong for you." On occasion he will tell me that he felt "sad." Sometimes I don't think they understand what we are going through AT ALL! Now I feel like he has no idea the stress around getting your AF again, your body turning back to normal, and when to try again.

 

[wanting2010]

I'm sorry for your loss, honey. I also recently had an early loss (I was only 4-5 weeks), but it's a hard thing to go through regardless of how far along you are.

I think men tend to express their feelings differently from women. Also, I think it's harder for them to understand the emotions that a woman goes through during/after a loss. It's one of those things that unless you've experienced it yourself, you just can't fully grasp the effect it has on someone.

It will get easier as time goes on. I miscarried at the beginning of March and spent a lot of time crying at first, but it gets better with each day and I'm looking forward to trying again next month, although I know the next time I get my BFP I'll be terrified!

 

[joshiesmum]

hi hun so sorry for your loss, i dont think men really understand what we feel when this happens! i thort my hubby was useless when i mc but he told me (when we were drunk one nite!) that he just didnt know what say 2 me and he was in peices about it. just av loadsa cuddles and a chat cuz u both need each other at this time xxxxxxx