First cycle of TTC - failed - absolutely gutted.

[Hanskiz]

Hi ladies

Well it would seem that my period is round the corner. I have started spotting and am super crampy.

I thought I was prepared for this - I KNEW I wasn't pregnant, had a few symptoms but didn't have 'that' feeling. I also have 'retained products' - I found out after DTD over ovulation otherwise would have waited - so getting PG this cycle would have been far from ideal anyway. I'm still just blown away with unhappiness. I feel like I did after my mc in February.

I can't help thinking I SHOULD be 20 weeks pregnant now, not facing up to complications post mc and more periods. I was supposed to have my 20 week scan this week. I'm heart broken. All over again. I just can't get my head round how this could happen - how can life be so cruel. Not only did I lose my baby but now I can't conceive another one because my body won't let go of some tiny bit of dead tissue. Aaaggghhh.

Sorry, I just needed to rant.

I'm really really sad

 

[FunToRun]

to you hun. I know how you feel. Sometimes its like your getting hit when your already down. I just got my af on saturday and i just cant stop thinking about how far along in my pg i should be. Friend's just seem to be falling pg at the drop of a hat and others announce that they r having baby boy's. It just hurts so much

 

[Kirkie]

Hi Hanskiz

Just wanted to reply to let you know you are not alone. I understand how gutted you are feeling and am sorry about your loss and all of the emotions you are feeling. It really is so cruel and unfair.

I miscarried over Xmas and every time my period comes I feel so totally gutted. Each time I am not pregnant I feel further away from where I should have been (and I always think I should be x weeks pregnant etc). And I really think people who have not been there cannot understand properley. I think we cope with miscarriage by hoping to get pregnant again, so it makes it so much worse when your period comes.

I am sorry that your body is not back to normal, have the doctors not offered anything to help?

xxx

 

[hollyw79]

I'm so sorry hun.. I definitely understand how sad and frustrating this whole mess is. It's VERY disappointing... we should be sitting her discussing how big our bumps are.. not the lack thereof! I am sure part of it is your hormones with AF coming. Guess what came today for me too?? AF. Yup... I knew I wasn't pregnant - but it still sucks. UGH. Hang in there my dear... we will shortly be back on that pregnancy bandwagon before you know it! I have a really good feeling for you hun, I really do!!

 

[Hanskiz]

Thank you.

The doctors say that it will come out with my period. I have had one already which was super heavy but it didn't come out with that. The next one should be here tomorrow or the next day so we shall see. I think I will ask for another ultrasound after I have bled so I can check. I've heard that it is possible to conceive with retained tissue - I can't believe this, and even if it is true it doesn't sound like a good idea.
Also, now I'm paranoid about scarring to my uterus after the ERPC and wondering if that's what this is. I'm terrified I'm going to be infertile. My OH doesn't get it at all it's putting a real strain on our relationship.

I can't believe how awful I feel - I really thought I was ok. I've been all positive and jokey for the last couple of weeks and now I'm back to being scared and unhappy. I feel sick with it.

So sorry to rant on and on... just need to get it off my chest.

 

[Narla83]

Aw hunni, my thoughts are with you.

Are they going to do anything about the 'retained products' or will your body deal with it? Hopefully you will be back to full fitness this cycle which will give you a better chance of that much wanted BFP. Lots more your way hun.x

 

[Hanskiz]

I really hope my body does deal with it this time. I'm feeling very cross with it!!

Thank you all for your lovely replies - you've made me feel better already!!

Holly - you're probably right about the hormones - I'm always loopy before AF so I don't think that helps.

I will ask for another scan post period and hopefully I will see a lovely clear womb ready for a wee bub to burrow into.

PMA PMA PMA PMA PMA PMA PMA

See, how brilliant you all are - I'm almost smiling again. Thank you.

 

[Fizzio]

Big hugs to you I hope that this AF does have the proverbial silver lining and allows you to pass those retained products so you can TTC next month with a clear mind and a more positive frame of mind. Damn this MC rollercoaster - it is such an emotional and complicated journey xx

 

[rachelbubble]

Hello! Thanks for your reply on my thread about periods, its looks like theres a load of us 'cycling' together! I felt exactly the same after my first period! I was rock bottom for days and felt worse even than straight after the mc! I wouldve been 22weeks now and cant help but count! Throwing all I have into ttc helped me move on from the miscarriage but left me empty when I didnt conceive straight away! Feel better this cycle but dont think ill ever feel 'right' again until im pregnant if you know what I mean! Im so sorry for you and all the lovely ladies on this site who have suffered losses.... Hopefully time will help us and because were cycling together hopefully we'll all get our BFPs together as well x x x

 

[Vic31]

Ah, I know how you feel. I've just finished my first AF and still don't feel well. It's heartbreaking, more so than TTC before the MC. I just keep thinking everyday that passes (even if that does mean AF) is a day closer to having that baby. Keep positive, I know how hard that is but it's happened once it will happen again. x

 

[Ducktales]

sorry hun,
i have a feeling i am going to be in the same place as you in the next few days and i know it will be a super hard place to be

my thoughts are with you
FX'd for next time

Good luck

 

[LittleBird]

Hanskiz, I'm so sorry! It totally sucks. After MC, when we were NTNP, I would sit and cry every time AF came. Now I just wish my last AF was a normal one so I could be trying again, rather than ending another MC. Why can't we trust our bodies to work the way they're supposed to? I just wanted you to know that I feel your pain and hope it gets better soon for you!

 

[roothy]

Hi hanskiz - sorry the witch is round the corner. I got her too today - 1st TTC cycle after mc and like you its has knocked me sideways.
So unfair. I would also have been about 18 or 19 weeks now. I guess we wont stop counting until we get to our due date.
Getting another scan is a good idea though to check that everything ok after this AF
Sending you lots of hugs

 

[Hanskiz]

Thanks Roothy

She came in full effect this morning so I guess we are in sync! I would have been 20 weeks tomorrow so I guess we weren't far off when we got pregnant either!!

Thank you to all of you who ahve replied. Yet again you have managed to pick meup off the floor and make me feel human again!!
I'm still gutted, but feeling positive that this af will clear me out properly and next cycle I'll be in with a proper chance. I shall call the EPU next week and ask them to schedule me in for an ultrasound.

I'm in a LOT of pain - I take this as a good sign!!

to all of you. I honestly don't know what I'd do without you all. x

 

[nattys]

I know how you feel xx I'm starting to feel so down about it all. My first AF came on 22nd March & I'm still bleeding I've been to see my dr and he's put me on these hormone tablets for a week to try and stop it. It feels like me getting pregnant again is never going to happen which is so frustrating as I conceived in the first week of trying last time. My sister is expecting her first baby next month which is making me feel even worse