first miscarriage at 19years old, very sad but scared to show it

[QueensGirl]

i had my first miscarriage about a month ago. i was 8w pregnant. it was an inevitable miscarriage, at 7w i began to bleed and visited my doctor, thats when i found out i was pregnant in the first place. but there was something wrong and a few days later, the baby had died and i began a period of passing naturally. i took medicine to complete the passing and i have been bleeding irregularly for the past weeks.

i'm a college student and the physical stress of the miscarriage weighed a heavy toll on me. i didnt show up to a few classes. i felt ashamed and i didnt tell anyone. i have an extremely loving, and caring boyfriend. i am completely in love with him, we've been together for a long time, but for some reason i just didn't have the strength to speak with him about it. part of me doesn't want to be comforted. mainly because i blame myself for this even happening. i feel very broken, very incomplete... i don't feel whole. i went through the actual miscarriage alone but i just told my boyfriend about a week ago, because i can not deal with this loss alone. it is the most terrible feeling i have ever felt. i feel less of a human being. i have not told my parents yet either or any of my friends, they are all very loving as well, but for some reason i still wear a cloak of shame, which makes it very hard for me to share my story.

i guess i wrote here because i wanted to tell someone, thank you for reading. i want to know your story, specifically about how you told people about what you're going through. it is very hard for me to share.

i have been reading through this thread for the past two months and it has helped me so much. thank you.

 

[Lil_Pixie]

I'm so very sorry for your loss

I think embarrassment, shame or similar feelings are very common. Many women choose not to tell people about their losses for lots of reasons.

For me I find the conversation very uncomfortable. I'm not ashamed at all but I hate feeling that I've made someone uncomfortable so I'd rather not mention it. That being said I also hate when people ask me about kids, it's such a personal question! Sometimes I spin them my entire tale of infertility and losses just because they shouldn't have bloody asked!

As for the people who needed to be told, if I'm honest I sent them a text message (my mum and sisters etc) I didn't want to see them and selfishly I didn't want to co side their feelings. I just wanted to be alone with my husband where I could scream and cry if I wanted to.

I think if you think it would help you should tell your parents hun. Even if it's through a text or an email, they can't give you the support you need if they don't know you're sinking.

Please try not to feel ashamed, there is no bleeding to be placed here. You deserve the love and support that will be available you