First Night

[kimmyjane84]

My marriage broke up this evening Found out hubby of 4 years is seeing someone else! someone else = My friend of 15+ years.....

Things have not been fantastic between us for some time, but this is the last thing I expected

This is my first night as a very newly single mum - HELP!!! I have no idea what to say to people, what to do , who I need to inform (benefits, nursery/playgroup etc). I am at a total loss and have no idea where to turn. ANY advice welcome, as I just don't have a clue.

My parents, brother and 1 friend know what has happened and that is it... Apart from post on here, of course.

My kids are 31.5 months (Harry) and 15 months (Jessica) - What do I tell Harry when he asks for daddy? What do I tell staff at his nursery in the morning?

It's 1:20am (UK) and I have been trying to sleep since 11:30pm. Every part of my body aches!

Just needed to rant - Sorry.

Hubby (what do I call him now?) left tonight and is collecting remainder of belongings at weekend - Should kids be at home when he comes?

Any help and/or advice welcome.

EDIT..... Anyone on here who knows me personally - Please no comments on Facebook etc as not sure when to start telling people xx

 

[creatingpeace]

survivinginfidelity.com is a great site!

I am so sorry you are going through this. Very horrible. You will be ok!!!!

 

[toddlerandpip]

So sorry to hear this. My husband walked out on me tonight too because he'd had enough of my expectations! He doesn't deal with anything







So sorry to hear this. My husband walked out on me tonight too. No infidelity, just his refusal to deal with anything and he decided he'd had enough of me. I have a 16 month old and am pregnant (17 weeks). I can't sleep either. I think it's 4.30am.

 

[xJG30]

 

[v2007]

What a swine and she is a bitch.

I am so sorry chick.



Call your local JobCentre and thy will help you.

V xxx

 

[whoops]

to both you and toddlerandpip

 

[bumpysam]

I had this 3 weeks ago. We'd only been married 11 months. We began an affair with a friend whilst I was 7 months pregnant. I felt the same as you- couldn't eat or sleep for a couple of weeks. I went to my dads for support, I think you may need to do the same if you can? It's now been over 3 weeks and I'm beginning to start my new life, with good days and bad. Each day will get a little easier and you'll be surprised at how you cope, usually on auto pilot!
Talk to your doctor, I got free counselling which is helping. Find put about working tax credit and child tax credit to help financially. Speak to CAB, they're really helpful.
Keep talking and posting on here if you need to.
PM me anytime if you want of need a chat.
Keep strong, I promise it'll get better.
Xx

 

[Fraggles]

I wasn't married but im now a year into being single after infidelity feel free to pm me if you ever need to chat

 

[Kacie]

Same as you fraggles.. One year tomorrow is the anniversary of when i found out that my fiance of 8 years was cheating on me so I left with my (then 6wk old) daughter.

It does get better but do expect the down days and lean on friends and family.. that is what they are there for.

I am so sorry you are going through this. BnB is a great place to rant and rave and it got me through a lot in the beginning.

Regarding practicalities, the CAB is good or ring jobcentre asap so you can begin a claim. Things will fall into place and settle down, it just takes a little time to sort out and get over the shock.

I would say best the kids weren't there when he comes back to get the rest of his stuff as they may pick up on the friction. But you know them best and you will know what is best for them and what to say to them when you feel strong enough.

Hugs

xx

 

[Rhio92]

xx

 

[TiredNurse27]

Don't tell people too soon. Maybe he can come and pack stuff while you and the kids are out, then come back later for a visit.

Seeing daddy packing might be a bit stressful for the older one.

 

[Fraggles]

On the practical front contact you may need to contact the following

Child benefit
Tax credits (to make a solo claim)
CSA (its funny how fast men stop paying for their children)
Jobcentre/council (as you may be entitled to HB and CTB
Nursery (just to keep them in the lop that you are the main care giver)
Doctors (I had to get tested for everything just in case)

 

[kimmyjane84]

Thank you everyone for your kind words - Some fantastic advice and lots more to think about/do. I have been to CAB and they have told me all I need to know about benefits and what to claim for etc. Nursery are now aware of what has happened. Parents are having both kids while ex is collecting things and we talk, but going to collect them later in the day so that he can take them out for tea or just pop to the park with them. Am deffo on auto-pilot at the mo and have gutted the downstairs living areas and both upstairs bathrooms of all of ex's and step-son's belongings. Have put it all in step-son's room and closed the door as I just can't bear to keep seeing it around the house Have told family and a few close friends and I am amazed at the amount of support and unexpected visitors I have received. My son is pushing his boundaries, but in general both kids seem ok considering all that has happened. Not looking forward to seeing ex tomorrow as I keep panicing about what will happen/be said etc. Having a mixture of good and bad days, but trying to be strong for kids. Need to look after myself more too, coz hardly eatting and not getting enough sleep! On a brighter note, went for a lovely walk with kids and my parents today and managed to relax a bit too. Will be on here again tomorrow and will update you on tomorrows events. Sorry I have not managed to reply to individuals, but thanks for support Also, sorry to hear so many others are in similar situations xx

 

[~RedLily~]

 

[JessdueJan]

hope him moving his stuff out isn't too stressful for you.

 

[bumpysam]

Well done hon, sounds as if you're doing really well. Keep strong xx

 

[kimmyjane84]

Well the weekend was horrible Hated seeing him leave and was made worse by the factvthat he had to come back on Sun too. He said he misses me..... I must be an idiot after all that has happened, but I miss him too. He saw kida after everything was sorted and they were fine with him after a short period of not really knowing what to do. Just want to start feeling normal now

 

[bumpysam]

I know how you feel, despite what he did to me- I miss him too. It's normal but try to remember you need to do whatever is best for you and the kids. Whatever that turns out to be. So much easier offering advice to someone else, maybe I should listen to myself sometimes...!! X

 

[MummyJade]

How terrible...
it will get better, does take time just focus on you and your babies... job centre and CAB will help you with money and sorting that out...

As for explaining to your Son, thats hard.. to be fair i think he should come and explain to your children why he isn't around.. x

 

[Midnight_Fairy]

The missing feeling is normal hope your ok, the first days are the hardest xxx