'friend' keeps telling me every horror story she hears!!

[honey915]

This is baby no 3 and I'm 10 weeks now so feeling less anxious. Already heard a heartbeat so hoping all is well in 2 weeks at scan. Have a so called friend who literally tells me every horror story she hears. She seeks me out to share it!! I appreciate women go through utter he'll losing babies and my heart literally bleeds for them. I'm am anxious person so not only do these stories make me feel very low about what others have to go through but they also worry me silly about my own little flumbo. I wish she would save it. What good does telling me do? It will only worry me. Surely she knows that? These stories always seem to be losses at stages nearerst to where I am. So now I'm almost 12 weeks the story was about someone just further past that and I'm half guessing they're possibly made worse by her as well as she tells me in graphic detail. Urgh! Rant over

 

[SteffieLee]

Aww. Just be honest with her. Tell her how it makes you feel!

 

[ajlj1126]

She needs to know how insensitive that is how worried it makes you. You don't have to be mean or assertive, but just tell her that they make you uncomfortable and maybe right now isn't the best time to be talking about these things.
You wouldn't talk about bowel movements at the dinner table, and people shouldn't talk about losses with a pregnant woman. It's rude and just plain bad manners.

 

[Mild Mango]

Ask her to stop! She may not realize how it's affecting you. Either way, I'm sure she'll be understanding.

 

[TryinFor1]

My boss used to do this to me. I constantly asked him what was wrong with him and why he told me these things. My mom told me stories too but they usually pertained to birth and something going on that didn't make sense for an average person, so I didn't pay much attention to her.

I agree, tell her to stop.

 

[RaspberryK]

My step mum is like this, she's always got some story of so and so's someone or other died, has cancer, or lost a baby

xx

 

[izzlesnizzle]

I feel like a magnet for horror stories at the moment! I've heard more bad stories lately than I have in a long time. My friend is awful for it. She's pregnant herself so she's kind of got a get out of jail free card but if it was anyone else telling me several different stories about friends of friends and things she's read in the paper I wouldn't be impressed!

 

[Mrs Dragonfly]

You should be upfront with your friend and tell her she needs to not tell you these things, it's stressing you out and it's not good for you or baby. Hopefully she'll listen.

I have a few people in my family who are doom and gloom about everything. Don't cry, don't get angry, don't lift anything, etc otherwise bad things. Ugh it drove me bonkers so I had to tell them knock it off. Thankfully they mostly listen.

 

[shaunakiss]

Tell her to just shut it next time and if she becomes offended put it down to hormones.

I totally understand what you mean. I myself lost a baby but I don't feel as though sharing details is going to help myself or anybody else. You wouldn't believe the amount of pregnancy after loss groups I had to exit once i got pregnant.

It's a joke. Yes, all of those women had previously lost babies, as had I!! But it seemed that the largest portion of them were just dying to scare the S*** out of anybody who had good news to share.

It's shameful behaviour from your so-called friend. Just tell her you have enough irrational fears of your own without her adding to them.. To be fair, if she gets offended and sees nothing wrong with that behaviour, she's no loss to you.

Remain positive. I've always been a firm believer that if a baby miscarries, that baby was too ill to ever make it and would have suffered fiercely had it survived. Don't beat yourself up, believe in your mammy powers and BOND BOND BOND!! xx

 

[CastawayBride]

I think sometimes people just seek out pregnant people with those stories as a way to relate in someway. I lost my son to a doctors mistake, at 32 weeks. It was brutal to go through but I just tell people be as proactive as possible and advocate for your baby! I had one girl tell me, "I don't want to hear your horror story..." but to be honest she is an idiot....she is a co worker who has absolutely no common sense and i heard her on the phone arguing with her doctor about "she don't need to eat for two"....apparently the doctor feels she is not eating enough and she felt she can argue with him over it. Everyone's pregnancy will be different and no matter what others tell you what will be, will be!

 

[honey915]

I think sometimes people just seek out pregnant people with those stories as a way to relate in someway. I lost my son to a doctors mistake, at 32 weeks. It was brutal to go through but I just tell people be as proactive as possible and advocate for your baby! I had one girl tell me, "I don't want to hear your horror story..." but to be honest she is an idiot....she is a co worker who has absolutely no common sense and i heard her on the phone arguing with her doctor about "she don't need to eat for two"....apparently the doctor feels she is not eating enough and she felt she can argue with him over it. Everyone's pregnancy will be different and no matter what others tell you what will be, will be!

I'm so sorry for your loss hun. Xx

 

[honey915]

Tell her to just shut it next time and if she becomes offended put it down to hormones.

I totally understand what you mean. I myself lost a baby but I don't feel as though sharing details is going to help myself or anybody else. You wouldn't believe the amount of pregnancy after loss groups I had to exit once i got pregnant.

It's a joke. Yes, all of those women had previously lost babies, as had I!! But it seemed that the largest portion of them were just dying to scare the S*** out of anybody who had good news to share.

It's shameful behaviour from your so-called friend. Just tell her you have enough irrational fears of your own without her adding to them.. To be fair, if she gets offended and sees nothing wrong with that behaviour, she's no loss to you.

Remain positive. I've always been a firm believer that if a baby miscarries, that baby was too ill to ever make it and would have suffered fiercely had it survived. Don't beat yourself up, believe in your mammy powers and BOND BOND BOND!! xx

Yhankyou hun! Sorry for your loss. No one should have to go through a loss it's so sad. Thing is I'm all for supporting people and letting them vent. If they've been through it then they deserve to be heard like any other grievance process. She just seems to enjoy telling me. Think she's looking for a reaction. So I just think this friend needs avoiding for a while! X

 

[StranjeGirl]

I had a coworker like that during last pregnancy and it drove me nuts. I think the issue was that she couldn't get pregnant (which I was aware of and extremely sensitive about) she started scaring me while I was trying- basically telling me I was doomed because I waited too long like her- however I had just turned 36 and she was 41. I don't think it is at all impissible to get pregnant at 40, but even so I think she should have recognized that we had a 5 year difference. Then when I got pregnant it was all gloom and doom stories and she told me not to tell work til I was in the second trimester. I had a lot if unexplained bleeding so I didn't need the extra stress, but it allowed me to share my fears with her - which I wanted to do since she was having no luck getting pregnant and I didn't want to act overly excited if that makes sense. Then towards the end of my pregnancy- where my bleeding had caused stress and basically kept me from exercising, she hands me an article about how stress and lack of exercise in pregnancy cause developmental delays etc etc. she even said as she handed it to me "I hate to scare you but I thought you should know". Totally unnecessary! Just know that for every horror story out there, there are 20 positive ones!!!

 

[AnonymousCAT]

I told one of my best friends yesterday about our pregnancy. She was super excited for me but tends to just say whatever's on her mind. Anyways, she asked me about if I was planning on having a baby shower and if I would do it before or after the birth. I said yes, most likely and I'd prefer before... that's pretty standard. Then she said that I may want to wait until after as there is a chance I will have a still birth!!! I was like ummmm sure, there is always that chance but it is pretty small. And the whole point of having a shower is to have things so you are prepared for the birth, otherwise you are just buying all that stuff yourself anyways beforehand. And who says that to a pregnant woman?! I'm already freaked out enough and just starting to enjoy myself. She knows about my previous loss and no one I'm sure worries about something happening more than me. But seriously, if you make it to 7 months+ you have a pretty good chance in this day and age of all working out. And lets just focus on the positives here, especially when you are that far along. There's not much you can do at that point, so might as well celebrate. Anyways, I know she meant well. But when it comes to this she was out of line. She's just young and ignorant about this I think. Rant over! lol

 

[Gizzyy]

I'd just tell her to shut up and explain that she's making you feel anxious. Yes terrible things can happen I had an early mc myself but as you say what good is it telling a pregnant woman who is already hormonal as it is. This so called friend needs to let you enjoy your pregnancy, stop scaremongering you and talk about positive things like buying clothes/ what gender could it be, how you're going to decorate the nursery..

 

[Teri7489]

Is she maybe jealous? If she is, and is trying to make you feel bad then that's just awful. My boss did the same to me until I snapped and went on maternity leave 7 weeks early. A girl I worked with fell pregnant after 8 years of trying which was through assisted conception, and sadly our bosses daughter had a miscarriage the day she announced she was expecting. Our boss gave her utter hell almost like a punishment, telling her not to buy the cot yet or other nasty comments through utter bitterness xxx

 

[pandi77]

I really think some people just don't realize how they come across. Straight up ask her "what are you trying to achieve by telling me these stories?" "what is the desired effect you wish to accomplish by sharing these stories?". You would be shocked how many times people feel great shame when you just simply ask them to explain themselves. Something about them actually hearing themselves justify sharing such rubbish make a light click on and they usually realize what a blockhead they sound like...usually.

 

[AnonymousCAT]

I think in her eyes she was thinking I would save myself heart ache if something bad happened and I had all these reminders sitting around. Or like I may not want to celebrate just incase. I really think she is just trying to look out for me and doesn't want me to be hurt but she is just so ignorant and naive about what to say as she is just not in the same life stage as me it came out totally wrong. Thank you guys for having my back though! You guys are great!

 

[shirlls]

Sometimes people just don't think before they speak. I know this is not exactly the same thing as it wasn't a friend, but when I was heavily pregnant with my son who is now nearly 2 years old, I was in a taxi and the female taxi driver started talking about her sister who had several mcs and then a horror story of a late loss. I was raging at her for being so insensitive and tactless, imagine telling that story to a pregnant woman!

I honestly don't think she meant anything by it, she just engaged her mouth before her brain, and that's probably what your friend is doing. She isn't realising how bad she sounds. I'd ask her to stop telling you these horror stories as they are scaring you.

xx

 

[CastawayBride]

I told one of my best friends yesterday about our pregnancy. She was super excited for me but tends to just say whatever's on her mind. Anyways, she asked me about if I was planning on having a baby shower and if I would do it before or after the birth. I said yes, most likely and I'd prefer before... that's pretty standard. Then she said that I may want to wait until after as there is a chance I will have a still birth!!! I was like ummmm sure, there is always that chance but it is pretty small. And the whole point of having a shower is to have things so you are prepared for the birth, otherwise you are just buying all that stuff yourself anyways beforehand. And who says that to a pregnant woman?! I'm already freaked out enough and just starting to enjoy myself. She knows about my previous loss and no one I'm sure worries about something happening more than me. But seriously, if you make it to 7 months+ you have a pretty good chance in this day and age of all working out. And lets just focus on the positives here, especially when you are that far along. There's not much you can do at that point, so might as well celebrate. Anyways, I know she meant well. But when it comes to this she was out of line. She's just young and ignorant about this I think. Rant over! lol

I lost my son, the day after my baby shower. AT 32 weeks. It happens. Do I regret having the shower? Absolutely not. I think it really depends on the person, your coping style and how you can move forward. I know other people who feel superstitious about it all but honestly if it is going to happen, its going to happen...

Now my job just gave my shower for this little girl this week. Yeah, I was a bit unnerved by it but I was like I have to face this with a smile and go through with it. Glad they had it and honestly we feel so blessed to have everyone there for us as we go through this again. While there though my boss was telling me about her niece, who just lost her baby at 40 weeks. Doctors are not sure exactly what happened...after telling me and another girl there that was pregnant she was like, "Maybe i should not have told you ladies..." Sadly b/c it is a reality to me it did not phase me but the other girl was a total wreck over it!