Giving the BFP after a loss and people's reactions...

[TwoRdue]

On my last pregnancy I miscarried my twins at 18 weeks, my OH and I had been doing IVF, it took six months before I decided I wanted to try again. The first embryo didnt work but this one did and I am super excited about it so I decided to tell my family as what will be will be and I was shocked by some of there reactions compared to my last pregnancy, my mum is super excited as well as my sister but my dad and others just gave a "OH OK" and that was it?? really?? even that felt forced....
What have some of your reactions been??

 

[nicksi27]

congrats on your BFP such lovely news for you. like you, i had a late loss in february at 20 weeks but i havent told anyone about this bfp (exept my OH of course). Im planning on keeping it a secret as long as possible because im so scared in case i jinx it or something. Good luck - wishing you a very H&H 9 months x

 

[shocker]

My first loss was at 14+4 and had told everyone, this time around I kept it secret as much as possible until 18 weeks, my family knew early on because of hyperemesis but reactions did really shock me. My sister lost her first son shortly after birth and she has been my pal champion, keeping me calm and letting me know its normal to be more wound up and scared of every niggle but her reaction to the actual baby really shocked me, I tried so hard to be positive once it got passed 16 weeks and tried to get excited where I'd been gaurded before and she constantly reminded me that things were still early and not to get my hopes up and it really crushed me, I spoke to her about it and she is now much better talking about him as a person and not a possibility! It could well be that your family are just worried about being hurt aswell, I'm sure they experienced a lot of pain and heartache after your loss so it could be that they too are just afraid of getting attached aswell, speak to them and tell them that you need them to be really positive right now and excited, worries are normal but you need them to be strong for you

 

[sandrab]

I have had 3 MMC around 8 weeks, I am now 9 weeks prenant and my OH doesn't want to talk about it as he is scared we might MMC again, so decided to tell my mum so I had sme sort of support and all she said is oh!!!! Again!!!,

I know they are just frightened that I will have another MMC but some support would defo help,

X

 

[TwoRdue]

The main reasoning have told my family is not to have them jump around with excitement but for support in the tri, we have know idea what is going to happening and it would be good to hear them say they are happy for me and there for me at the sametime

 

[avapopsmum]

I haven't told anyone about this baby yet (apart from OH obviously). I lost my last baby just over 3 months ago at 21 weeks and I worry people will think it's all a bit soon. I'm hoping to get to 12 weeks before anyone guesses but it's hard as I've had to get through several family gatherings without people noticing I'm not drinking. My MIL just went and poured me a glass of wine when we went for dinner last week without even asking if I wanted one so OH had to drink it for me when she wasn't looking lol.

 

[nicksi27]

I haven't told anyone about this baby yet (apart from OH obviously). I lost my last baby just over 3 months ago at 21 weeks and I worry people will think it's all a bit soon. I'm hoping to get to 12 weeks before anyone guesses but it's hard as I've had to get through several family gatherings without people noticing I'm not drinking. My MIL just went and poured me a glass of wine when we went for dinner last week without even asking if I wanted one so OH had to drink it for me when she wasn't looking lol.

Hi avapopsmum - I'm sorry to hear that you lost your little angel. I'm 7weeks now after losing my jacob at 20+5 in february. how are you feeling? Like you I'm also trying to hide the fact I'm pregnant but its so hard when family keep trying to organise nights out etc and I'm constantly starving and putting loadsa weight on :S x

 

[Tournesol]

Yeah, my dad just sounded exasperated when I told him, as if it's something silly that I do all the time for attention or something! He's not a very tactful person, tends to open his mouth before he engages his brain!

 

[avapopsmum]

I haven't told anyone about this baby yet (apart from OH obviously). I lost my last baby just over 3 months ago at 21 weeks and I worry people will think it's all a bit soon. I'm hoping to get to 12 weeks before anyone guesses but it's hard as I've had to get through several family gatherings without people noticing I'm not drinking. My MIL just went and poured me a glass of wine when we went for dinner last week without even asking if I wanted one so OH had to drink it for me when she wasn't looking lol.

Hi avapopsmum - I'm sorry to hear that you lost your little angel. I'm 7weeks now after losing my jacob at 20+5 in february. how are you feeling? Like you I'm also trying to hide the fact I'm pregnant but its so hard when family keep trying to organise nights out etc and I'm constantly starving and putting loadsa weight on :S x

Hi nicksi27 so sorry to hear about the loss of your little boy and congratulations on your pregnancy! I've been feeling really anxious since I got my BFP last month as although we started ttc straight away I never expected to get pregnant again so soon. Keep thinking something is bound to go wrong. Symptoms wise I'm really tired and been feeling sooo sick which is horrible but I'm grateful for it as at least I do 'feel' pregnant. Find myself panicking though if the nausea goes off for a few hours lol.
I've been such a nervous wreck that I paid for a private scan Wednesday just gone which showed a lovely wiggling bean with a strong heartbeat dated at 8+2. I have relaxed a bit since this but don't think I will relax at all during this pregnancy until my baby is in my arms. Seems like a looong way off! How are you doing? It's funny you mentioned about putting loads of weight on as I am the same, none of my jeans etc fit and I look about 5 months gone already, keep having to wear baggy tops and hold my stomach in as much as possible haha!

 

[nicola ttc]

Hi ladies
I haven't told anyone irl yet except oh and a close friend (i'm 6 weeks). I'm worried about people's reactions too.
Nicksi congrats - hadn't seen that you are pregnant.
There seem to be a few ladies who are pregnant after late loss/neonatal loss on here.
Maybe we should make a thread for us? It is different to m/c because for us the times we will worry most/reasons are all very different and we won't stop worrying after 12 weeks....
Might be nice to be there to support each other at those times?
Will make a thread and post back the link.

 

[avapopsmum]

I think that's a great idea hun. Maybe like a pregnant after a 2nd/3rd trimester loss thread or something?

 

[nicola ttc]

Have made one called rainbows aftr the storm. (Late loss/stillbirth/neonatal loss/sids)
Cant put a link as i'm on my phone and dont know how but will later when i get on the laptop.

 

[TwoRdue]

That is a good idea to do that
I lost my twins at 18 weeks but is still considered a mc though?

 

[nicola ttc]

Ladies it's on the pal thread. 'Rainbows after the storm'. Come join us!!
Hi Twordue- we're both on june babies thread.:wave:
Heres the link.

https://babyandbump.momtastic.com/p...-late-loss-stillbirth-neonatal-loss-sids.html