Veeeeeeeery brief Labour story:
Oh my gosh I dont even know where to begin!
So basically, I was due on the date the new hunger games film came out and I was DYING to see it. I finally went on the 23rd and I was so excited- Id made it! I went into the cinema and the Jaws theme was playing before the screen came on and I all of a sudden started feeling these really weird sharp stabbing pains, but brushed them off as just fixing pains. So the film went on and they got worse and I started getting SERIOUS back pain, but also brushed that off as just being uncomfortable and well. . .pregnant. I went with my mum and all the way through the film she was telling me to get to the hospital. No chance, Id paid to see the film and Id made it to date, I was god damn watching it to the end- which I did!
Then I got home and we rang the midwife, who old me to come in as I hadnt felt her move for a good few hours. So I tootled on off to the hospital in COMPLETE denial that I was in labour. I didnt even pack thinking Id be home in an hour or two. So she does a check and I wasnt dilated just like I thought. We waited half an hour on the monitor and the next thing I know the monitor shot my contractions up! The midwife returned and told me I was going to be induced at 6am if I didnt go into labour by myself.
So then we went up to the ward and OOOOMG Thats where the contractions started. But I was so British, I refused to make any noise in case I disturbed the lady next to me. Eventually, they got so bad I got in the bath so I could at least moan. My mum was there laughing her head off- which was supportive. But I was soooo tired, I had 4 hours sleep the night before and it was now 2am so I felt so stoned. To the point I was even able to IGNORE three of my contractions, which amazed the midwives.
I got out the bath and that was it, no more. I was then shimmied onto the delivery ward, and I was out of it with exhaustion! I turned into the ANTI CHRIST!!!! Told my mum I hated her, screamed multiple abuse at anyone who came in the room basically. The man with the epidural arrived and tried telling me all the complications that may occur, to which I replied
DO YOU THINK I FUCKING CARE, JUST STAB ME!!!!
Any way he left WITH OUT giving me the epidural due to an emergency. I actually think I scared him off I screamed at him so much.
So the midwife, who was a BABE, gave me diamorphine and thats where the fun began. I started to sleep in between contractions but I also started to dream and very very loudly I kept waking myself up. Here is a small list consisting of what I can remember saying:
Put the beagles in the boot
Please dont pick Prim
Go fish
Then I needed to push which felt like a Chinese burn on my flue! The midwife did her final check to give me the go ahead. So she said you can start pushing- and she has a little head so youll be fine!.
So I started pushing and out pops her head to which the midwife said Oh my gosh, I lied, sorry love.
Then the rest of her came and I was so out of it, but I just remember screaming I WANT TO BE A FUCKING GIRAFFE!
But at 11:56am, she was plonked onto my chest and everything was just forgotten.
I love being a mum and my life just feels perfect ^^
Congratulations sweetie! 
