Hard time with friend

[croydongirl]

I have had 4 early m/c, and right after my last one in December my very close friend got pregnant with her second child. She spent all the time complaining about how tired she was and how difficult her daughter was. I told her I wanted to be a good friend but that I couldn't deal with her complaining ( I said it in a nice way) and see seemed to understand. After a few weeks things were back to normal with us and she was much more sensitive to me in the way she talked.

Sadly at 10 weeks her scan revealed the baby had died at 9 weeks and there was no heartbeat. She had the procedure and after that just said she was over it. I was so emotional about my losses and she reacted so differently but we could support each other.

We are still ttc and now she is 10dpo, their first month back trying and is convinced she is pregnant because she had cramps a week after the dtd. She may well be pregnant of course, but she has sent me four emails in the last two days symptom spotting and telling me to get ready because she is pregnant.

I am just so upset and confused about what to do. I just don't understand especially after her own loss and our conversations and stuff before.

Some days I feel like I struggle to get out of bed. So much Loss and struggling to conceive is a hard burden to bear. I have great friends, including this one, but sometimes I feel like on some level she is rubbing it in my face.

Ok, ranting I know. Sorry

Has anyone else got friends who don't understand how sad it can be at first to hear about other peoples pregnancies?

 

[sthorp1179]

Your friend sounds a little like how I coped with my mc, I basically threw everything into getting pregnant as quickly as possible and convinced myself that every little thing pointed to a BFP, now it didn't work out that way for me and I had to go back to square one when AF hit. I felt that everything would be ok if I got pregnant again as soon as possible. I guess your friend maybe doesn't understand how much this is hurting you and maybe she feels like you understand her and thats why she's confiding in you and telling you. If she doesn't get her BFP she will come crashing down and need her friend. Maybe you should have a good chat with her and tell her that although you understand the need to be pregnant as soon as possible after a loss, you are still hurting about your losses and that when you do hear about others pregnancies it hurts you a bit inside, not because you aren't happy for them but because it reminds you about what you lost.

you'll get through this and maybe if you get your BFP before your friend she will begin to get you a little more

 

[croydongirl]

Your friend sounds a little like how I coped with my mc, I basically threw everything into getting pregnant as quickly as possible and convinced myself that every little thing pointed to a BFP, now it didn't work out that way for me and I had to go back to square one when AF hit. I felt that everything would be ok if I got pregnant again as soon as possible. I guess your friend maybe doesn't understand how much this is hurting you and maybe she feels like you understand her and thats why she's confiding in you and telling you. If she doesn't get her BFP she will come crashing down and need her friend. Maybe you should have a good chat with her and tell her that although you understand the need to be pregnant as soon as possible after a loss, you are still hurting about your losses and that when you do hear about others pregnancies it hurts you a bit inside, not because you aren't happy for them but because it reminds you about what you lost.

you'll get through this and maybe if you get your BFP before your friend she will begin to get you a little more

Thank you. It is just such a sensitive subject. I am so glad you could offer your perspective. I know we all deal with grief differently and it was good to be reminded.

I think it is just hard because she makes comments about how easily she will get pregnant again, like the loss is not such a big deal because she can have another baby easily. Which may well be true, but we can't get pregnant, and we have never had a successful pregnancy so our losses are a big deal to us and it feels that in her comments so takes away how important they are to us.
I know she loves me and I love her too but we just come at this from different perspectives in many ways because she has a little girl, and we are still waiting to be parents.

We'll be fine. I am feeling much better about it today. Thanks for reading.

 

[addy1]

It is really hard dealing with friends after a loss. I am so sorry that you have had four. I just had a miscarriage at the beginning of the month, and it was so devastating. I find now I am avoiding people. Would rather just be at home then deal with the feelings that others may unintentionally bring on.

Good luck to you!