Have just emailed the hospital where I miscarried

[Mamamumum]

Asking if I can gain any information on how my baby was disposed of. It says on the hospital website that the "policy is to bury fetuses with dignity". That is under the muscarriage care information for babies lost before 24wks. My baby was only 7wks so not sure if it would have been buried or not. I don't even know if they will be able to tell me. But I've never felt closure due to not being able to say goodbye properly at the time. It would be a huge relief to perhaps have somewhere to go to say goodbye.

 

[annio84]

I really hope they get back to you and the answer is acceptable to you. This was one of my biggest worries when I miscarried. Regardless of what the answer is have you thought of doing something yourself to remember your baby? We planted a cherry blossom tree in a lovely pot which is by our front door and will come with us when we move on. There are lots of ideas out there though.

 

[dairymomma]

With my losses where I've either miscarried at the hospital or had the baby sent for testing, they've cremated the remains and they inter them at a local cemetery. I then get a post card invite or a phone call letting me know when they are holding their annual memorial service so I can attend if I want. And if I want to go there on my own, I'm welcome to do so. I think it's a lovely idea and while it's never worked for me to attend or stop by (it's a local enough cemetery but it's still 45 minutes away), I like that my baby has been treated with dignity and respect even though it may have been a very early loss.

 

[Mamamumum]

I have just received a reply. And my heart is somewhat healed. My baby was buried, along with other babies lost before 12 weeks. They were placed in a white casket and buried in a piece of woodland owned by the hospital. The exact spot is unknown but they have a dedicated area for children and babies. There was a proper service although parents acannot attend. I'm relieved about that really because if I knew I had been able to but didn't know that would be awful. But the inportant thing is that I can finally let go of the guilt I have felt up till now that I wasn't able to bury my baby properly. I read those words, saying that my baby had been buried, and I burst into tears. It means more to me than I can possibly say. It will take a little while to fully sink in I think. But knowing that I can go and visit the spot where my baby rests has brought me so much peace.

 

[Wobbles]

 

[karoolia]

That's so wonderful Mamamumum. I almost cried reading your update. I'm so glad you have such a thoughtful and sensitive hospital. I'm glad it brought you some peace

 

[Mamamumum]

Thank you karoolia. I really feel as though a huge weight has been lifted from my shoulders it used to tear me apart not knowing what had happened to my baby as I had read that many hospitals treat very early losses as medical waste I placed a lot of guilt upon myself because I did actually try to retrieve my baby at the time, to take home and bury, but I somehow managed to miss it. I'm so glad, and also very lucky, to be able to put an end to that guilt. I know sadly that not all ladies are so lucky, so I am extra grateful.