heart is breaking all over again

[babytots]

sorry for the ramble girls need to get it out.

its been 4 weeks since i lost jessica and i havent been sleeping to well since i lost her and was hoping that once i got her results i could put closure on this and try and pick upt he broken pieces of my life.

well i thought i would ring my consultant just to see if they were any closer to getting jessicas results. spoke to her secetary and she said that my consultant has looked at my notes and will be sending an app out but they dont see you until 6-8 weeks after the event (how nice to put it jessica was just an "event") so though fair enough was worth a try.

she then proceeded to tell me that the postmortem results may take up to 4-6 months to come through depending on what they find! i was told in the hospital it would only take 6-8 weeks no one mentioned it might take longer! and as her postmortem was done quite quickly (her body was released just over a week after i had her) i thought they probably would have found something.

so now my heart is breaking all over again just as i was starting to feel a bit better i'm back to square one.i really dont think i can handle waiting that long. im a complete mess already god know how i'm going to be in a few months time if they dont come through.

on top of that i know that df wont agree to ttc til we get the postmortem results and that too is breaking my heart. i was really hoping we could start ttc this year preferably before jessicas due date so i had something positive to focus on and now all that hope has gone. i really cant bear to wait 4-6 months to start trying again its too long i'm worried i'll start resenting df as right now hes the only person who can help ease that pain a bit by agreeing to ttc and i know if i have to wait that long i dont think our relationship will cope as i will push him away and start to resent him.

oh its all such a big mess! why did she have to go and leave me so unhappy. i just want that happiness back and i'm not going to get it any time soon.

 

[rachjim98]

coming your way sweetie I am so sorry

 

[ToniAnne8]

hun........x

 

[pennypoptart]

Babes, sorry to hear this. They sound like they are not taking this as seriously as they really should be doing (in my opinion).

Have you got support from any other organisations?

Huge to you xx

 

[orange-sox]

oh sweetie

If you ever need to talk you know where i am poppet xxd

 

[Sovereign]

 

[babytots]

thanks ladies. i see my doc in an hour to disscuss iron level results and if its the one i saw last time hes as much help as a bag of spuds! if its one of the lady doctors i see i will mention it to them and see if they can get anywhere. the secetary didnt seem to want to take the time of day to understand how much its upsetting me! x

 

[dan-o]

Oh babytots, I am sorry hun

 

[soulsister]

Hiya honey

I just wanted so send you some hugs at this difficult time for you.

Also, when I lost my little boy last year, we did get an appointment to see the consultant at 6 weeks after I delivered him and we were given initial post mortem results which bascially confirmed what had first been suspected on scans etc.

But 7 (yes 7) months later we got a "Follow up" call from the hospital saying the final results were in!!!!!! I had no idea this would happen at all and had been starting to rebuild my life. This call out of the blue, just before Christmas, was a kick in the teeth.

Anyway, I made a right fuss and asked what kind of idiots where they that it took them 7 months to work out what was wroing with my baby, and was told by the genetics people in London that its quiet common, depending on what your baby's diagnosis was.

Because ours was a syndrome, they send different specimins to be sampled in different labs. Ours had gone to Oxford and by the time cultures had been developed, paperwork completed etc it had taken all that time.

I just wanted to mention this, not to scare you, but just to let you know that it can happenk, but that she was your baby and you have absolutely have every right to get the answers as soon as they are available to you.

I'm sure that in most cases they can give you the results at the 6 week appointment. We were just unlucky as our baby had some stupid stupid very rare syndrome that involved lots of stupid research (I'm a bit bitter about it all, can you tell!!)

Anyway, I wish you lots of luck - and ask the consultant when you see him if they are giving you a final diagnosis or if it is an interim one.

Laura xx

 

[babytots]

thanks for your reply soulsister. even if i get the initial postmortem results i'd be happy with that just need an answer as to why.i'm sorry they treated you that way.

didnt even ask my doctor when i went as it was the useless one i mentioned. levels were ok but could of been better so hes given me tablets and i asked him if he could prescribe me the higher dose folic acid so at least i'm doing something pro-active til i get the results. at first he kinda refused and i had to really fight to get my point across but he eventually agreed and reluctantly prescribed me some. bloddy doctors i hate them so unsympathetic especially the male ones. i didnt even get a how are you?or a how are you coping? from him. after that i darent ask to see if he could find out whats going on with jessicas results wanted to ask him to refer me for recurrent misscarriage tests too but again i darent because of how rude and uncaring he was.

grrr! x

 

[hayley x]

sending you big

I know our cases are different, but I was told Alex's PM results will take about 3-4 months, I agree a VERY long time to wait. But the way I look at it (like I said our losses are different circumstances) nothing will bring Alex back and anything will ease the pain. If he died purely from SIDS theres no answer, no reason for him dying.. if they find an infection WHY didnt they pick it up or did he get it from hospital in the first place!!!?? there are so many questions and not always the people who can answer them

Alex died on the 7th and his body was released on the 9th (he had his PM on the 8th) so all very quick and we're still no nearer to the results and its been 6 weeks

thinking of you lots sorry your doctors not very considerate xxxx

 

[borntobeamum]

That is terrible how you were treated by the secretary, I think sometimes thes people think they know all, and become numb to peoples feelings.

I hope you get some results soon. With gillian due to a bank holiday she had to wait a few days for her PM, but her body was released the same day. When I was seen by a doc before leaving hosp, I was told I would be seen in about 6 weeks.

I have been working towards that, but got a letter last week from my consultant, kind of out of the blue, dont get me wrong it was a nice letter, and very personal to me, not just a standard letter saying that he will send me an appt for July as all the resulst should be in by then, that seems ages away.

I think it does just bring it all back you think you are doing ok, then something happens that makes you feel like you are back to square one, grieving all over again.

I hope you get the answers soon

xxxxLauraxxxx

 

[Aidedhoney]

Hey hun, First of all big hugs to you, totally know where your coming from with the whole ttc again thing, its something positive to focus on over whats going to be a hard few months. I found it a huge comfort to be ttc before my angels due date, not that i wanted to replace them but i wanted to be doing something more positive and productive.

It was perhaps different for me as we knew why we lost our angels and i was told at the time to give myself one cycle before ttc.
I am sure that your darling OH is just trying to protect you from anymore pain and suffering.

I had my so called "event" (what a bloody awful way to desciribe it stupid woman shouldnt be allowed near any patients) on the 26th of August, my angels were released for cremation 2wks later, had an appiontment with my consultant on the 29th of October, i was under the impression that i wouldnt be called back. But since reading this thread i may be asking some questions of my own.

Big hugs honey xxx

 

[babytots]

thanks hayley i'm sorry you are still no further to knowing its such a long wait isnt it. all you want is someone to answer those questions going round in your head even if i dont get answers and its just been one of those things my mind can be put at rest and i can get closure.

laura thanks for your reply too i'm glad you got a letter through from your consultant. i got one a couple of weeks ago which was a standard sorry for your loss,will send an appointment through the post when results are in etc etc. was nice of her but at the same time i thought why tell me something i alrady know and get me excited thinking its the actual appoimtment letter iykwim.

Hey hun, First of all big hugs to you, totally know where your coming from with the whole ttc again thing, its something positive to focus on over whats going to be a hard few months. I found it a huge comfort to be ttc before my angels due date, not that i wanted to replace them but i wanted to be doing something more positive and productive.

It was perhaps different for me as we knew why we lost our angels and i was told at the time to give myself one cycle before ttc.
I am sure that your darling OH is just trying to protect you from anymore pain and suffering.

I had my so called "event" (what a bloody awful way to desciribe it stupid woman shouldnt be allowed near any patients) on the 26th of August, my angels were released for cremation 2wks later, had an appiontment with my consultant on the 29th of October, i was under the impression that i wouldnt be called back. But since reading this thread i may be asking some questions of my own.

Big hugs honey xxx

thanks for your reply hunni. when i lost my 2 other angels we started ttc pretty much straightaway and i got my bfp with jessica a few days after my first angels due date and was pg when my second angels due date came around and it helped so much like you say it gives something positive to focus on over what is going to be a hard few months. the little vbit of hope that we might of started ttc before jessicas due date has all but gone now after the secretary said that. am just hoping shes wrong and we get some sort of answers next month. x

 

[soulsister]

You know what hon - when you find out why they feel you lost your darling Jessica, i.e when they give it a name, research into it - what causes it, recurrance rates etc. I'm not sure which hospital covers you but find one that deals with genetic counselling/testing and call them direct.

I am in the process of an early miscarriage at the moment (hows that for bad luck!!!), but after our loss last year, University College Hospital in London were really helpful. They had already decided to give me additional scans etc from 12 weeks into this pregnancy (wont make it that far obviously), but they called me really early on to let me know that they would take over my care.

I'm so sorry that I dont know the whole story about your little one, but honestly, most syndromes/genetic issues/losses are well above the remit of most normal ob
/gynea docs. Find a genetics department that deals with this, not only will they help you out now, but also they should look after you better in future pgs. Also they have a vested interest in researching genes etc so are usually very willing to help out.

Hope this goes someway to helping you out.

Neither my GP or my consulant at my local hospital had ever heard of what my baby had, but the fetal meds/genetics people where brilliant about it. Sometimes you just need to get passed the monkeys and go straight to the organ grinder....if you know what I mean

Lxx

 

[soulsister]

Oh look - I've just looked into this and it would appear they run genetics clinics at hull and leeds hospitals - ask you consultant when you have those intial pm results in.

Sigh - good luck sweetie

L xxx