Heartbroken...lost my clomid baby.

[LouOscar01]

I've just passed my baby today after 'medically managing' it (having a tablet as it wasn't happening naturally). My baby died at 7w1d. I found out at 9w1d. I'd heard the heartbeat two days before it died and it was fine. I'd heard it a week prior and they said it was slow but that it had likely only just started beating. They said my baby was measuring small and wouldn't listen to the fact that I KNEW WHEN I HAD OVULATED, I'd had follicle tracking and confirmed by temps. I went for a private scan on Monday after a tiny bleed of brown and I saw straight away no heartbeat. SHe told me it was wrong of the sonographer and nurse at the Early Pregnancy Unit to not acknowledge the small size and accept my dates. She said the fact that it was measuring small was a warning sign that it was not ok.

At the moment I'm just crying constantly. I can't imagine ever getting past this. I can't imagine beginning the struggle to get pregnant again on Clomid. I can't imagine getting pregnant again. I'm terrified of this happening again.

I've taken 2 weeks off work (I'm a teacher in Year 1 so ages 5 and 6). At the moment I just can't imagine getting to a point where I feel ready to go back.

How can I do this?

 

[mrsmax]

I just found out at 9 week scan baby's heartbeat stopped beating. It is devastating. I suffer from inferty too so I understand how terrible you feel. Did the doctor sign you off?

 

[LouOscar01]

My infertility Dr signed me off as soon as he found out I was pregnant. I went to my regular GP yesterday to talk about counselling and trying in the future and he thankfully was happy to prescribe Clomid to me himself. My infertility Dr said he will see me in 3 months without a referral. I'll miss out on follicle tracking this time round but hopefully I can get pregnant again just by ovulation tests.


It's just the worst feeling in the world.
Is this your first loss? Whereabouts in the Uk are you?

 

[mrsmax]

Hi LouOscar. I'm glad your Dr prescribed Clomid. I'm on the south coast. I had Ivf for first baby so this natural bfp then miscarriage feels really cruel.

 

[Vicky_92]

I'm so sorry for your loss.

 

[LoraLoo]

I'm sorry hun. We have lost 2 babies in pregnancy (18 and 15 weeks) and a daughter at 5 days old to meningitis.

It's difficult to move forward, it's only the thought of trying again that pushed me forward each time. Just concentrate on putting one foot in front of the other and take each day as it comes. X

 

[mrsmax]

Lou we were on the May Miracles thread together. So sorry we are both here xx

 

[LouOscar01]

MrsMax I'm on the South coast too. If you've done it once naturally you can do it again xx The only positive I can take from this is that at least now I know I can get pregnant from Clomid. So the utter despair of infertility is lessened. I can do it and so can you xx

LoraLoo I am so sorry for your losses. You are so brave. Thank you for your advice. xx

 

[c beary83]

I'm so sorry for your loss. Mine was a clomid baby after months of ttc. We saw the hb at 8 and a half weeks

 

[LouOscar01]

Cbeary or MrsMax if you wanted to chat on facebook messenger send me a private message and I'll let you know how you can find me. We seem to be in similar positions and wondered if we could support each other. Don't worry if not.

MrsMax I only just saw your post about us being on the same May Miracles thread

 

[mrsmax]

Shall we start a late sept\october losses support thread? It would be great to gather more gals together for support going through the same stuff.

I've had a nightmare trying to book a D&c through my private medical insurance day. The advisor said 'so when do you need thge abortion?'. arghhhhhh!!! So insensitive

Hate that I am having to go through this or that anyoine has to. Not fair.

My dh is gutted too which makes me really sad x

 

[c beary83]

That is unbelievably insensitive. I can't believe the way some doctors are.

A loss support group sounds good. I've already joined an August one but will join the September /October one too.

Hope the conversation went ok with your boss mrsmax

Lounge Oscar - I'm not on Facebook but will send you a pm.

It is heartbreaking that we are in similar situations

 

[hayley x]

I'm so sorry I truly hope you get your rainbow baby soon x x

 

[LouOscar01]

Yes a September/October support group sounds really good MrsMax, do you want to set it up? Why won't NHS help you with D&C? I didn't go down that route so I don't know how long I'd have had to wait with the NHS.

Had a hard day yesterday, had to take 'my baby' into the hospital in a bowl so that I can get it cremated. Broke my heart to hand it over. Then of course I have to walk out past maternity and the midwifery unit and then past a screaming baby. I was crying so hard

Today I'm going to have the flu jab I was told to have when I got pregnant. My Dr is letting me have it for free because my intention is to get pregnant again.

 

[minties]

I'm really sad to hear about your loss , so sorry.

I lost my first pregnancy at 9 weeks in 2006 and it was extremely painful, distressing and depressing. We had been trying for about 4.5 years by then. I kept my little baby and buried it.

I remember immediately wanting to be pregnant again, it did take a long while and I finally had my kids in 2010 and 2012.

I'm having an early loss right now, so ignore my ticker if it shows up.