Heartbroken

[Fizzyfefe]

I pumped for the last time and my baby enjoyed his final bottle ever of breast milk.

I've been pumping for my son ever since we were in the hospital. He never properly took to my breast, and I never made enough milk to give him only breast milk. The most I ever pumped was about 10 oz in a day, which meant only two to three bottles a day.

It would take half an hour to empty my breasts, and he would scream bloody murder every time I pumped. The amount of time that it took would interfere with time with him and my husband. I couldn't do it anymore. I made the decision to stop pumping about a month ago, so have been slowly decreasing my pump times every day since then. Despite the gradual decrease, my breasts are in so much pain.

I'm heartbroken that it never worked properly for us. I'm heartbroken that he will never be nourished from my milk again. I'm heartbroken that I have to rely on formula to give him the nutrition he needs. Finally, I'm so envious of the women who can breastfeed their babies.

Thanks for reading. I just needed to get it out.

 

[Baby.Love12]

Aw Fizzy! Its normal to feel that way. Do you have a lactation consultant you can call or visit? I have heard that they can help you tremendously. Do you maybe have a bad latch? Have you tried supplements?

 

[Baby.Love12]

On another note- cant believe your baby is already 6 months!!

 

[Fizzyfefe]

Hi, BabyLove. Crazy how time flies, huh?

He had a bad latch from the start. He chewed instead of sucked. I have flat nipples and that didn't help matters, either. I tried fenugreek, but it didn't make a difference.

I called a lactation consultant and she told me it "wasn't even worth getting him latched on to my breast" because my supply was so low. Those were her exact words. Needless to say, I cried a lot that day and gave up trying to latch him on to my breast because I was so hurt and discouraged by what she said.

 

[Laurans]

Hi fizzyfefe, please don't feel bad and don't be hard on urself!
Congrats that despite ur difficulties breast feeding you still perservered and worked so hard to nourish your baby with breast milk!
I had a baby that needed to be fed pronto (due to my diabetes so baby had low blood sugars) he couldn't latch and so had formula in the hospital! I perservered and when my milk came in I managed to get a latch..... Finally! I never made enough and tried supplements, power pumping etc etc. I combi fed ( whole mixture if pumping, breast feeding and formula!) and now at 5 months he breast feeds just twice per day but still has 5 bottle feeds!
We should be immensely proud of our achievements! .... Despite it being difficult we carried on and our babies benefitted from some breast milk but we should also be proud of the fact that we chose the BEST option for our babies (in our cases combination of breast and bottle) we put our babies needs in front of our hopes/dreams/expectations!
So there..... Iv always wanted to say it and now I have!
Please believe that u have done so well! X

 

[kajastarlight]

I know how hard that is

 

[tulip1975]

You worked really hard and gave him 2-3 bottles of breastmilk a day for 6 months. That's great - you did great.

 

[Shanslee]

You worked really hard and gave him 2-3 bottles of breastmilk a day for 6 months. That's great - you did great.

Totally agree with this!

It sounds like you tried very hard, and you gave him a great deal of nutrition that has put him on the right road. You did the right things!

Don't beat yourself up now that you have made the decision to stop...instead, be proud of how long you were able to continue under what were not the best of circumstances. Your baby got a big benefit, and will continue to benefit from the good things you did for him.

 

[threebirds]

Well done giving your beautiful boy such a good start by feeding him for 6 months. Don't be hard on yourself, but I do understand your sadness at no longer expressing for him. Lots and lots of cuddles will help you get through this bit & you'll be able to look back and realise how well you did.

 

[Fizzyfefe]

Thank you all so much for your replies.

It's gotten a little easier as the days pass. You all are right: I did the best I could for him. He is a happy, healthy baby, so that's really I could ask for.