L
littlebuddha
Guest
I think I'm having a miscarrige and I don't know where I belong anymore.
Can't be first tri, but it hasn't been confirmed by the doctor so theres a part of me in denial here too.
I had an internal examination today and she said the bleeding was coming from the neck of the womb and likely to be coming from the womb itself -so that was 'typical' of m/c but that my cervix and womb area wasn't tender or painful at all which isn't, so that was a 'positive'.
My mum found me shaking on the toilet with blood all over my hands and arms just staring at it and my OH has run out of boxer shorts since I've stained them all in a matter of 24 hours. The doctor/nurse any other Tom, Dick and Harry in a white coat was looking up me with the same night fishing torch my step-dad has in our shed and I can't get over how fast things can change in a day. My midwife called to arrange the first appointment yesterday and I was so excited.
I'm due an appointment at the early pregnancy unit on friday to have another blood test to see if my HCG levels have risen. Maybe a scan. But I know it's gone, theres too much blood. Its been a day and I've already been told I'm young and I can try again, I've also heard in the fog that is my brain "At least you weren't further along" and "It wasn't a baby it was an entity"
I can't write anymore, someones come in to take my washing and I want it back. I've lost my baby. I've had my legs akimbo and someone look up there with a torch and poke me with a phallyic shaped contraption to 'open my cervix'. I've really left my dignity at the door today and noones washing my bloody sheets and knickers but me.
Can't be first tri, but it hasn't been confirmed by the doctor so theres a part of me in denial here too.
I had an internal examination today and she said the bleeding was coming from the neck of the womb and likely to be coming from the womb itself -so that was 'typical' of m/c but that my cervix and womb area wasn't tender or painful at all which isn't, so that was a 'positive'.
My mum found me shaking on the toilet with blood all over my hands and arms just staring at it and my OH has run out of boxer shorts since I've stained them all in a matter of 24 hours. The doctor/nurse any other Tom, Dick and Harry in a white coat was looking up me with the same night fishing torch my step-dad has in our shed and I can't get over how fast things can change in a day. My midwife called to arrange the first appointment yesterday and I was so excited.
I'm due an appointment at the early pregnancy unit on friday to have another blood test to see if my HCG levels have risen. Maybe a scan. But I know it's gone, theres too much blood. Its been a day and I've already been told I'm young and I can try again, I've also heard in the fog that is my brain "At least you weren't further along" and "It wasn't a baby it was an entity"
I can't write anymore, someones come in to take my washing and I want it back. I've lost my baby. I've had my legs akimbo and someone look up there with a torch and poke me with a phallyic shaped contraption to 'open my cervix'. I've really left my dignity at the door today and noones washing my bloody sheets and knickers but me.
no point me saying a word...you no my thoughts and feelings, 
xxxxxx
