help (Tmi ) worried mum !!

[LauraAvasMum]

I need advice,

i split with my daughters dad because of domestic violence me and my daughter who's 3 left i was pregnant and my son died

anyway a year on my daughter started coming home with sore girls bits on a Sunday first time you think ah ill change the washing powder ect it went by the Tuesday then for the next 3\4 weeks the same happened then randomly before bed one night she said daddy keeps tickling my mimmy
as a mum you start making pictures in your head shes also stated daddy wiggles his willy infrount of her

i took her to Drs all infection swaps came back negative and naturally social services are on the case too incase its the worst

all contact has stopped (social services enforced this) anyway the dads now threatening to stop payments ect

what can i do ?
at moment for Avas sake and my sanity its safer (or deemed safer for her to stay with me )

 

[iBeach]

That's just awful!

You did the right thing to protect her...

 

[teal]

I'm so sorry you're having to deal with this and you're doing everything right

If he pays you directly and threatening to stop payments then you could contact CSA to get payments via them xx

 

[Meezerowner]

You did the right thing going to the doctors and getting it on the record.
I hope it turns out to be nothing but you can't be too careful.

If your Ex is paying you directly you can approach the Child Maintainance Service who will contact him and enforce payment. Even if he doesn't have access he still has to pay child support.

Presumably social services have to do some sort of investigation to find out what's gone on. In the mean time he can't expect access whilst there is still concern over his activities.

The only other thing social services might consider is for him to have supervised access at a centre somewhere so that someone independant is always watching them. Personally though I wouldn't want him anywhere near until I was *sure* nothing bad had gone on.

Hope it turns out ok. You must have been so worried.

 

[LauraAvasMum]

He pays directly when i contacted Csa they told me it would cost 100 to set up that was 2 yr ago

they haven't told him about the investigation just told me to keep saying shes ill naturally hes got his knickers in a twist and kicked off using threats to get access

they sent my daughter to a hospital to see some dr who "specializes" with child sexual abuse cases but turns out they can't ever be 100% unless a object larger than a fingers been inserted still then they can't say for sure:\ so in some ways it seems like a waste of time in some ways because they can't give no answers so all rests on social services hands

they have a contact center but its not in use so closest fair way and i cant drive, my daughter is also refusing to see her dad when hospital mentioned to me about her having contact again

sorry ladies more of a mini rant just feel that if hes done anything it can no all be ignored and surely they should have contacted him so i don't look like a bitch

xx

 

[Meezerowner]

I applied to the CMS in November 2013 and they didn't charge me anything to set it up???? They are very helpful actually. I know the rules are changing soon so maybe there is a fee now but you should contact them again and check. I think they are phasing the CSA out now and CMS is taking over.

Social services should be contacting your Ex, it shouldn't be up to you to refuse contact they should tell him that's what's happening. Actually I would have thought the police would have told him as it is suspected abuse. Maybe you should contact social services and ask what is happening and explain that he is being difficult. He shouldn't be telling you what to say... that's a bit scary.

 

[moomin_troll]

I'd call ss and say well he's now threatening this and that so help me now. How the hell they can expect you to continue this is beyond me.
Personally if I even thought for a second my child's father or anyone in that house could hurt my child this way, I wouldn't have them anywhere near us and tell them to stick the money up their arses.
My mum left my dad who was abusive to only her and did it with 3 children alone.
I hope she's not been hurt and she's just hurt herself, cheap loo roll can scratch ect and he might of have a wee infront of her, and she's only mentioned the shaking it infront of her.

 

[Dezireey]

I think that when a four year old girl says her father is tickling her down there and she also doesnt want to see him, alarm bells should go off. In a case such as this, protect the child at all costs. Do what you are doing, tell authorities he is threatening to stop payments. I would never leave her alone with him again, especially as he has a history of abuse. Frankly I would call his bluff if he threatened to stop child payments and I would tell him where to stick it. I am pretty sure he knows why he is not allowed access to his daughter, if she is telling the truth ( when a child that young says what she has said, I doubt she is lying, something is obviously going on that she doesnt like)

I feel for you, big hugs xx

 

[Shezza84uk]

This is horrible, take him to CSA if he refuses to pay. Stay strong you did the right thing xx

 

[WantingABubba]

I'm so sorry, that is awful x

 

[LauraAvasMum]

Think im on the page as most of you ( telling him to shove it up his ass!)
shes still with me no contact still and still heard nothing from social services ( she had an examination Friday its now Wednesday afternoon) i did text giving an update on money situation ect

since not seeing her dad ( last contact was Sunday 9th march ) she like a completely different child chatty happy back yo how she was before i suspected anything from happening

it could be self comforting but that in its self is horrible for her to be getting herself into such a state shes doing it untill its red and raw! Then shes clearly not happy there for that amount of time

xxx

 

[moomin_troll]

Ur doing the right thing, it says something that she's happier without seeing him, abuse or not, she clearly doesn't want him around.
I can't imagine this happening to my babies, so do what ur doing, the best for ur child

 

[babycrazy1706]

How awful.