Help with my little sister

[AP]

My 12yr old sister is being bullied at high school, and my mother hasnt done much about it. Shes simply sent a note in asking for my sister to be moved classes. (She even did this once when I was young, she did nothing but send a scrawled note in)

My mum keeps telling her to suck it up and "just ignore it" She told me that before and I had a living hell at school!

My sister has now confided in me, (and ive seen private messages) she is having to run off the bus into the school in the mornings in a bid to avoid the particular bullies, hide in the toilets at lunchtimes. Shes been threatened with physical violence and I have no doubt myself that she will be attacked at some point.
She has approached her guidance teacher but the bullies claim she is the one doing the bullying (I'm sure shes spoke up for herself but shes not a bully as such) so shes not had much support.

I'm not sure what I can do to help. I cant physically go and speak to the teachers - not only that, but me and my parents no longer speak.

What can I do?

 

[seoj]

First- big hugs!!! That must be so frustrating!!!

Being that you're her older sister, could you maybe just call the school and ask if there is a way you can come talk to the principal? If you feel it will turn violent- these bullies need to be stopped. Period. My oldest experienced verbal bullying in middle/high school from a particular group of girls-- she dealt with it well, but I knew it was hard on her. I never had to go to the school- although I wanted to- but she asked me to let her sort it out herself first. She just ignored them, and eventually, her sophomore year in High, they backed off... or got bored and moved on. IDK?

If they are sending her messages- that needs to be stopped. Block them. If she's on social media-- close it down. Don't give them any power (outside of school). As for school- that should be the principals job to put a STOP to it. They should have a no tolerance rule. So any messages you DO have, keep them to show them who is actually the aggressor.

It's such a tough situation- and I do feel that most bullies are just lashing out, either due to a poor home situation (low self esteem) etc... or worse. OR- that is what they are seeing/taught by their parents or siblings. One thing she could try- that I've heard has helped, but I've never personally done... is when a girl makes a snide comment, look at her- and simply say, I love that shirt on you. And just move along. Instead of giving them a negative reaction (which is what they want)- give them a positive one. The move on. I'm sure that would be tough for a 12yo to do... tbh, I was VERY shy at that age. So I usually ignored it when girls were mean- and rarely spoke up for myself. I wish I had. Luckily, our oldest is more self assured, so she would just ignore them, or tell them to stop being silly.

Not sure ANY of this helps- but, you are an advocate for your sister. Just knowing you have her back- and that you are in her corner is such a big deal. Especially if your Mom is not (truly) there how she needs.

Best of luck hun!

 

[Boomerslady]

I'm sorry your sister is in this situation. I was bullied too and the thought if her hiding in the loos like I did is just heartbreaking.

I'm also wondering if you can somehow get hold of the head and meet them if possible. Explain your sister has confided in you and not your parents and as a mother yourself you want to make sure she's protected??

I also think she should be able to stop the msgs, block them/delete social media/change her number etc. I'd take proof of the msgs to the school too, prove it's not her instigating things. Kids are bloody vicious

 

[Rainbow82]

I'm sorry she is going through this bullying us an awful thing. Request a copy of the schools anti bullying policy and see what they should be doing then ring the school and explain that you are worried about a student , explain about the messages etc which they will need to see and ask what they intend to do to protect her. Tell them that several messages etc threaten physical violence which if you wanted you could take to the police. If nothing happens write to the head and tell them if it is not resolved or they are not following their own policies you will take it to the board of governers.

Anybody can report bullying to the school, at my school we have had people who live near the school ring up and say they have seen a bunch of kids bullying another student. They may not be able to discuss certain things about your sister with you but you can certainly ribg them up and request they investigate and act properly.

 

[AP]

I just fear that they will tell my mum and dad that I have been in contact. I imagine they would? If my mum and dad find out my sister even communicates me I could see them causing real trouble for me and for her, and who will she confide in then ykwim?

I am so stuck!

 

[LoraLoo]

I would ask to speak to the head/head of year in confidence. I don't see why they'd need to contact your parents. You are, as an adult, raising a concern for a childs welfare and they have a duty to listen xx