Hi I'm new and need some advice...

[Vikki888]

Hi everyone,

I've joined this group because I searched d&c at 12 weeks and saw this thread, and immediatley felt like people knew what I'm going through..

I'm having a real hard time at the moment, I miscarried at 12 weeks, 2 weeks ago, after having brown spotting for 2 weeks which the midwives told me not to worry about. Basically I had an appointment at the early pregnancy unit on the thursday (scan booked already for the day after) and was told that my cervix was still closed and not to worry, only to be told the next day at my scan that baby had died and I needed to be sent for a d&c to remove it. When I got to hospital they said they had no appointments till Monday so I took it, and was sent home. I woke the next morning at 3.30 in absolute agony (I have a 4 year old son, and am fully aware of labour pains! which was exactly what it was like) and I was losing blood so much blood, so I rang the ward back a couple of hours later and begged them to bring the operation forward, which was refused. She told me just to take the pain relief that I had been given the day before - and I hadn't been given any so was taking paracetamol which did nothing. Then my husband phoned back a couple of hours later and told them he was bringing me in no questions so I saw a doctor who put me on the table and removed the clots my body was trying to dispose of. The relief was immediate so she cancelled my operation appointment and booked a scan for 2 weeks (today). Silly me thought that would be it. So I got home and an hour later was having contractions again and pushing on the toilet what was left which was absolutely soul destroying. Anyway after 2 weeks I'v cried lots, obviously, and just started to get over it when I go for the scan today and they say there's some left in there and that I have to have the operation on Monday anyway!! I'm so gutted and feel like this could have all been done 2 weeks ago and I could've drawn a line under it and started to move on.

So basically I'm desperate to hear from anyone who's been through a similar sort of situation and how they dealt with it? I feel like I cant talk to anyone about it because people assume that you just get on with things like this, but it was my baby! And I feel like my bloody body couldn't hold on to it when I wanted it to but now doesn't want to let it go

Any similar sort of experience stories would be welcome cos I feel like I'm the only person in the world feeling like this right now..

Thanks

Vikki

 

[susan_1981]

Firstly, this is a great site for support when you've suffered a miscarriage. I seriously don't know what I would have done without the girls on here. It's just not the same to hear all the sympathy from friends and family because they usually don't have a clue what you're gong through.

I didn't suffer like you have. I went for my 12 week scan and thought everything would be ok. I'd had no bleeding, no pains, I had my little bump forming. There was nothing for me to think I may have had a miscarriage, except that my boobs stopped hurting after 10 weeks and I had virtually no morning sickness. Went for my 12 week scan on 23 December to be told my baby had died at 7 weeks 2 days. I've never felt shock like it. It was unreal. When she said the words "I'm so sorry, your baby hasn't developed", everything went black, I felt like I was in a bad dream and was going to wake up and I've never ever felt like that before. But I knew it wasn't a dream and then felt like I should cry but nothing was coming out! It was awful. Probably one of the worst parts was having to walk out of the scan room, past heavily pregnant women holding my tears in and just being so envious of them all. When I called my mum, that's when the tears started and I didn't stop. I didn't want to go to sleep that night because I didn't want to wake up and have that one minute of bliss before realising what had happened the day before. It was the worst day of my life, and I've had some bad days in my 27 years. But I was booked in for a ERPC (same as D&C I think) the following Monday which was almost a week away - the earliest they could do as it was xmas.

I think passing clots is normal if you miscarry naturally but if you'd had an op to try and removed everything and you are passing clots now, then maybe not everything was removed. I know there is a girl on here (dan-o) who is going through something similar. So make sure you go back to your doctors or hospital and demand a scan to check. You don't want to keep anything inside as it can cause infections and draw things out even longer than necessary.

I'm so sorry for what you are going through. It is so awful but you will get through it. It still haunts me now but I just try and block it out as much as possible and focus on the future and I hope you'll be like me. I know some girls on here have been really affected by it but I never felt pregnant to start with. I just think that maybe deep down I knew something wasn't right. When I found out I was pregnant, I didn't experience the happiness I thought I would. I was in shock and then got used to the idea of being pregnant but never actually felt it. I remember saying to my husband when we were driving to the hospital for my scan that maybe it would feel more real once we see our baby on the screen. And bless my husband, I knew something wasn't right, the sonographer wouldn't turn the screen round to me but I could just about see what was on the screen and I knew the baby was too small. But my husband didn't know what it should look like and he said to me that he got all excited thinking "that's my baby" for it all to be taken away from him a second later. I'll never forget the look on his face which is what I think upset me the most. But we are trying again now and you will and I'm sure everything will be fine next time. Post on here as often as you need to. It really, really helped me because these are the girls who have been through the same thing.

Again, I'm so sorry for your loss. Try and get lots of comfort from your OH, that's what helped me, plus all my friends and family were great support xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

 

[chella]

Hi everyone,

I've joined this group because I searched d&c at 12 weeks and saw this thread, and immediatley felt like people knew what I'm going through..

I'm having a real hard time at the moment, I miscarried at 12 weeks, 2 weeks ago, after having brown spotting for 2 weeks which the midwives told me not to worry about. Basically I had an appointment at the early pregnancy unit on the thursday (scan booked already for the day after) and was told that my cervix was still closed and not to worry, only to be told the next day at my scan that baby had died and I needed to be sent for a d&c to remove it. When I got to hospital they said they had no appointments till Monday so I took it, and was sent home. I woke the next morning at 3.30 in absolute agony (I have a 4 year old son, and am fully aware of labour pains! which was exactly what it was like) and I was losing blood so much blood, so I rang the ward back a couple of hours later and begged them to bring the operation forward, which was refused. She told me just to take the pain relief that I had been given the day before - and I hadn't been given any so was taking paracetamol which did nothing. Then my husband phoned back a couple of hours later and told them he was bringing me in no questions so I saw a doctor who put me on the table and removed the clots my body was trying to dispose of. The relief was immediate so she cancelled my operation appointment and booked a scan for 2 weeks (today). Silly me thought that would be it. So I got home and an hour later was having contractions again and pushing on the toilet what was left which was absolutely soul destroying. Anyway after 2 weeks I'v cried lots, obviously, and just started to get over it when I go for the scan today and they say there's some left in there and that I have to have the operation on Monday anyway!! I'm so gutted and feel like this could have all been done 2 weeks ago and I could've drawn a line under it and started to move on.

So basically I'm desperate to hear from anyone who's been through a similar sort of situation and how they dealt with it? I feel like I cant talk to anyone about it because people assume that you just get on with things like this, but it was my baby! And I feel like my bloody body couldn't hold on to it when I wanted it to but now doesn't want to let it go

Any similar sort of experience stories would be welcome cos I feel like I'm the only person in the world feeling like this right now..

Thanks

Vikki

Hi Vikki

Just read ur post im so sorry for what u went through, My babys heartbeat at 1st scan was very weak like u i had irregular bleeds but was told not to worry ne way 2nd scan baby was declared it had died i was 8 wks, I had induced miscarriage last thursday, so not he same as u but its that horrible feelin i doubt alot of ppl can forget, its hard to move on and feel normal but ive heard things do get better i have good and bad days but have found a couple of friends on here who have been great.

Hope things get better for you as time passes and hope the operation goes ok aswell sending loadsa Please feel free to pm me wen ever u fancy a chat, all the best xxxx

 

[Tattybear]

Hi this is the 1st time i ever posted on any sort of forum but i feel i need to.

My husband & i have been trying for 3.5 years to concieve before we were finally given clomid. Imagine my joy then when on month 1 of clomid we concieve .
We went for a scan at 6 weeks as i experienced some bleeding and a heartbeat was found and again i was overjoyed.

We went for our dating scan yesterday at 9 weeks only to be told the baby didn't make it past 6.5 weeks.
I'm crying as i'm writing as this is still very raw.
I feel so empty and numb and don't know how i'm going to cope. Friends & family are great but they are grieving too .
Ironically i have to go in to hospital tomorrow on mothers day to take the 2nd tablet to have the baby removed
Just hope that by sharing it i'll start to feel bit better .

 

[Drazic<3]

Im so sorry for your losses.
It might not seem it now, but time is the best healer. Let yourself grieve, and don't be afraid to ask for help - Things will get better, I promise you.

 

[Widger]

So sorry for your loss Vikki and feel awful that you had to go through what you did. I didn't go through this but want you to know that this site is great for support and advice. You will feel better soon. I went through some dark days at the beginning of my last mc but it does get easier believe me xx

 

[Chilli]

I'm so sorry for your loss, I too MC'd but that's another story. However, they were our babies and we need time and love to be able to mourn their loss which is something many people don't seem to understand. I'm 5 weeks on and there seems to be the general idea that I'm over it now!!! I'm feeling much better than I was, but never over it!
It bothers me that so many of us have had so much to deal with on top of the fact that we've lost a child. Nature is cruel enough, but it sounds like that wasn't helped by the hospital you've had to deal with. I really hope that you are able to have an end to all the physical side soon and get some time to deal with your feelings and the loss of your LO. I hope you use this forum to give you confort when you need it

 

[toby2]

tattybear and vikki just want to add a big hug from me (((((((((()))))))))))))))
sorry you are both going through this,its horrible i know and although you dont 'get over it' for me it does lift a little with time
vikki i had a 'natural' m/c on the morning i was due to have a d/c and was horrified by what happenedblood loss,labour pains etc and also cancelled my d/c and then had to go back a week later as it wasnt finished-its horrible and you need lots of love and support to get through it-there are lots of people here who will understand so keep talking
xx

 

[rottiemiss]

I'm so sorry for your loss
What a horrible way for your hospital to treat you. My thoughts are with you.

Sorry I can't be any more help to you as my experience was so different.

 

[Vikki888]

Hi thanks everyone for your lovely messages,

I got to hospital yesterday ready to have the surgery, waited an hour, saw the anaesthetist who explained everything (I'm petrified of being put out so this was the bit I was dreading most), waited another half hour, was shown to my bed in the ward, then the surgeon cam along and asked a few questions, then said actually Im happy to let you go with antibiotics!!! My husband and I were so cross as this was the 5th time we've been sent away from the hospital after being sent there! He said the doctor I saw on Friday after my scan could've just given me the pills then, so I've wasted a whole weekend worrying for nothing. We're so angry we are writing a complaint letter about the whole thing, I feel like I haven't really had time to get over it all myself because the hospitals keep messing us about.

Anyway hopefully all will be ok once I've finished the course of antibiotics and now I can start moving on properly.

Thanks once again to everyone who replied, it's really helped me, sometimes it's easier to write it down rather than explain it to people, and I've been reading through a lot of the other posts on this site and I know now that I'm not alone in feeling how I'm feeling..

Vikki

 

[rachjim98]

I've been reading through a lot of the other posts on this site and I know now that I'm not alone in feeling how I'm feeling..

Vikki

It is nice to know isnt it, that your not alone in a time like this.
When it first happens you feel like your the only person in the world who has felt this pain and heartache. Then you find this site and the wonderful people on here that too have felt this pain and suffering. Anytime you need to talk we are here
Hope you get some help with how you have been treated. So sorry for your loss

 

[Vikki888]

Thank you, I've ready your story and I am so so sorry for your loss, I cant even imagine. I hope you're feeling ok, you're right everyone on here seems so lovely - I've been on a few sites like this before and it all seemed so bitchy!

xxxxx

 

[Vikki888]

read not ready sorry!

 

[dan-o]

Ohh hunni, I'm so very sorry for what you are going through.
I'm having a very drawn out miscarriage too, I'm so sorry you are suffering as well, it's just the most awful thing to happen to anyone

I also had the painful contractions & passing of clots/tissue like you did, but mine was 3 days after my D&C. Final insult was I then found out they injured my womb during the op. I'm still bleeding now 13 days on.

Hope you recover soon sweetie, are you going back for any follow up?

 

[Vikki888]

Thanks Dan-o, I'm sorry to hear yours is drawn out too. It's bad enough going through it without it dragging on and stopping you from moving on

That's awful they injured you, when I went they were banging on about how many they do a day so you'd think they do enough not make any errors! How awful for you I hope everything heals soon.

No haven't got any follow up, just given the pills and sent on my way! I asked if I'd be booked in for a check up in a couple of weeks or something, and the surgeon just said nope you'll be fine with these!

To make it all worse I got loads of baby stuff through the post yesterday from our local SureStart! You wonder how you're supposed to move on don't you when things keep jumping up and reminding you of what you've lost.

 

[rachjim98]

To make it all worse I got loads of baby stuff through the post yesterday from our local SureStart! You wonder how you're supposed to move on don't you when things keep jumping up and reminding you of what you've lost.

I hate when they do this.. We lost our DD in Nov08 and I am still getting things in the mail. yesterday I got baby formula talk about a knife in the heart. I told my neighbor if her sister would like it she is more then welcome to have it. I wish they would stop sending me things. But I guess if we wouldn't have lost her them I would be happy to get those things. Just sucks.. I want her here and I want to hold her an give her these things we are getting but hey it wasn't meant to be like that. Thinking of you