Home birth blues?

[rosegarden620]

Hello everyone!
So, fourth baby on board over here and my last three have all been in a hospital. My last two were all natural, my last birth was the closest to the natural experience I could get in terms of moving how I wanted, but even then no body would let me walk around after they broke my water. When I FINALLY convinced them too I got the urge to push. I went from 8cm to 10 in a matter of minutes and with 25 minutes my daughter was born. Labor with her was 30 minutes total and didn't really commence for me until they broke my water.

So now, with number 4 there are a few things we have chosen to do differently. One, we are team yellow. Two, is we would like to do a home birth. But I am still so new to the home birth front and as a result I AM skeptical.

Recently, I just found out that the midwife and assistant cleans everything up, as I was worried about the clean up after the delivery. So for those who have done home birthing I would like some input.

Did you find home birthing at all to have been inconvenient after the fact?

Here are my concerns and I would like your opinion on them:

1. Is it weird delivering in your own home? Were your other kids there? Did people knock on your door? Do you really feel like you're in the right place?

2. I really enjoyed the attention I get at the hospital after I give birth, do you feel that taken care of when you give a home birth? Or does your mid wife leave pretty quickly?
3. Do they ensure you're fed--this one is weird, I know, but part of the attention at the hospital involved the food!
4. What about breastfeeding? Will they stay long enough to ensure breastfeeding is going well??
5. How did you feel after everything was said and done? Were you happy to be home, or did it make the experience feel shortened because you were already home when it was done?
6. I like the idea hubby being able to sleep in a real bed and with me, but I worry if it'll feel too normal...again, i know its a weird question.
7. Pads for bleeding? Do I have to supply my own?

Tell me about the AFTER. Thank you!

 

[RedButterfly]

My last was a home birth and this one will be too. I'll try to answer as best I can as I live in the UK.

1. No it wasn't weird. I preferred delivering in my own home. Yes my other 2 children were in the house but asleep as it was early hours of the morning. And no, no one came knocking on my door. They didn't even know I'd had the baby as they heard nothing.

2. I'm not one for attention in labour. I like to be left alone. But the midwife stayed for about an hour after I had delivered.

3. No they didn't make sure I had eaten.

4. Yes they stayed long enough to ensure breastfeeding went ok.

5. Oh yes was I happy to be at home. I hate the waiting in hospital after (my first 2 were hospital births).

6. I don't see a question here.

7. In the UK we have to supply our own so I can't really help here.

Hope this helps.

 

[rosegarden620]

Thank you for you response! Six is not a question, you're right lol. Oops.😅

 

[Savannah11]

I'm a STM and 3 weeks ago delivered my son by water homebirth My first born was induced and i had every form of pain relief going but this time i had absolutely nothing other than my TENS machine and water!! it was incredible!! To answer your questions:

1. No it's not weird - its totally relaxing and you can move about as you wish. My 5 year old son was in bed but woke up just as LO was being born (he was being watched by MIL) and she brought him down about 10 mins after birth so he could meet his new brother! Nobody knocked on the door other than the midwives!

2. The attention you get at home is so much more than you would in hospital. They are in your home and they really take care of you and don't leave until they are absolutely satisfied your okay and baby is okay. The aftercare by the homebirth team is amazing too!!

3. Ermmm... tough one - i didn't want any food because i felt sick so didn't really come across this.

4. Absolutely - they will make sure you know what your doing and have established a good latch/position.

5. I felt absolutely incredible and so calm. I had everything i needed by me and could just enjoy my baby without worrying about travelling to and from.

6. Can't answer this as i had a birthing pool.

7. My midwives brought protective sheets for the furniture/sofa/bed etc and they also had maternity pads for me to use after birth. Once they had left obviously i had to use my own.

The after care i received from the homebirth team was incredible. They were always checking i was okay and LOs checks were all done at home so you don't have to go out and about in the first few days.
Hope this all helps!! x

 

[MindUtopia]

I've only ever had a home birth, so honestly I don't really know how it compares to being in hospital (though I was in hospital with my daughter when she was a baby, nothing to do with the birth, and it was one of the worst experiences of my life. The hospital staff were awful and it's a nightmare-ish place to be with a small baby, so I can't imagine wanting to give birth there in comparison to my own home.

1. Is it weird delivering in your own home? Were your other kids there? Did people knock on your door? Do you really feel like you're in the right place?

It's totally normal feeling I think to give birth in your home. Again, I think it's weird to give birth in a hospital and I wouldn't have felt comfortable there. But no, it was totally lovely and relaxed. My waters broke and contractions started. I relaxed in bed for a bit, put on my relaxing music, went downstairs and make myself some tea and breakfast, then took myself in the lounge to sit on my birth ball and then walked around a bit when I was actually pushing. I was so relaxed, the midwives came and almost left because they didn't think I was in labour! Then they asked to check me and I was fully dilated! It was great. No one knocked on the door or bothered us, but then people don't normally do that anyway. If I had concerns about that, I'd just put a sign on the door that said not to knock. That was my first, so we didn't have any older children then, but yes, next time around our daughter will be here with us. She'll be 4 then. She has watched birth videos and she knows how babies are born and what happens, but I'm really comfortable with her being there.

2. I really enjoyed the attention I get at the hospital after I give birth, do you feel that taken care of when you give a home birth? Or does your mid wife leave pretty quickly?

The midwives left after about 2 hours. Honestly, when they were there, they were pretty much no help after the birth. I mean in terms of like doing anything other than meeting my medical needs. They made sure I was healthy and feeling well. They did the stitches. They checked my bleeding, etc. But they didn't help with feeding or anything, or like go make me food. They did their notes and cleaned up and went. When we were in the hospital a few weeks later (still under midwife care because we hadn't been discharged yet), they were also no help. We pretty much sat in hospital for 5 days and no one even came to do anything with us. It was a waste of time. It definitely solidified how much I'd rather be at home. I don't need anyone to wait on me. I just want someone to make me food (my husband can do that) and leave me to sleep and feed. And being at home is best for that. They do come to see you every couple days though.

3. Do they ensure you're fed--this one is weird, I know, but part of the attention at the hospital involved the food!

No, but honestly, in the hospital it was pretty hard to get food. They either didn't bring it or it was just a soggy sandwich or it was awful. When you've just had a baby and you're breastfeeding you need to eat all the time and stay hydrated too. Actually the best part of being at home was the food. My husband made me a delicious dinner afterwards and we ate together in bed. And it was great just having whatever I wanted anytime of the day or night, which is not the case in hospital. When I was actually in labour though, yes, they did make sure I was eating and drinking. I had food prepared in advance for the birth and occasionally someone would bring it to me, especially towards the end when I was getting more tired.

4. What about breastfeeding? Will they stay long enough to ensure breastfeeding is going well??

They are supposed to observe one feed and make sure you are feeling okay about it, but in my case, they didn't really. They just said try again later and left. That said, we were still having feeding issues when we were in hospital several weeks later, and I was there 24 hours a day for 5 days and no one would sit and observe a feed then either. I think it very much depends on if your team is good at providing BF support. From what I've heard from friends who had their babies in hospital, they received the same dismal postnatal and feeding support. So where you are doesn't seem to matter. In my own experience, I would look more to BF specialists for your support because midwives generally aren't trained BF supporters. Find your local BF group or peer supporter. Get their numbers and call them when you need help. They'll be a much better resource.

5. How did you feel after everything was said and done? Were you happy to be home, or did it make the experience feel shortened because you were already home when it was done?

It was fantastic. I think had I been in hospital I would have ended up with all sorts of unnecessary meddling and probably would have had a very different birth experience. Being at home meant I was relaxed, could climb into my own bed after, could eat my own food, have everything there that I needed. Also, now it would mean I wouldn't need to be away from my daughter or arrange childcare for her (we have no one who could help us for overnights really).

6. I like the idea hubby being able to sleep in a real bed and with me, but I worry if it'll feel too normal...again, i know its a weird question.

I think if you feel normal after birth, that's a great thing. I want to be in my own surroundings and have everything feel normal, so that's a big plus for me.

7. Pads for bleeding? Do I have to supply my own?

You'll have to supply anything that isn't medical equipment. So yes, you'll have to supply your own pads, but you would here in hospital too. They don't give away stuff for free that you can buy yourself from a normal shop. They did bring bed mats though, like the kind you put under you (like puppy pads) because they use them during the birth and they put one under me when the placenta came. They did leave a couple behind, but otherwise, they bring medical supplies and everything else, you'll need to get yourself.

My daughter was born with me kneeling over a chair on our bedroom floor (actually you can read my birth story in my sig). Afterwards, I got up and reclined in bed for the placenta be delivered and had skin to skin. I needed a couple stitches, so my husband had skin to skin with our daughter and I laid down with my head on his lap for them to do the stitches. Afterwards, we all had a cup of tea while the midwives did their notes and tidied up. They will take away any soiled things, sheets, towels, floor protectors, whatever that are blood stained that you don't want to keep and wash for future use. They bundle it all up in bio waste bags. They won't clean up for you in the sense of actual cleaning. We did have a blood stain in the floor because nothing was under me when I gave birth because I'd been walking around. So my husband had to clean that up (it was fine, you'd never know it was there). If you have a pool, usually you'll also have to empty and clean that. But if you hire a private midwife, they might include that in their service (I see you live in the U.S., there they likely will do more cleaning, obviously here it's free, so they leave that for you to do unless you hire a non-NHS private midwife who you pay). Then we relaxed in bed together after they left with our daughter. He went down and made me dinner and we ate together in bed and then we went to sleep. It was great!

 

[NDH]

I just had my first homebirth after two hospital births a couple of months ago. Though I didn't have a midwife at mine so I can't totally answer every question from experience . I had always wanted to homebirth though so I didn't have a mental shift to contend with. With my previous births I hated having to fight for a natural birth, and as you mentioned, even when it does happen its still not entirely without interference.
I loved not having strangers traipse in and out while I was at my most vulnerable, speaking and interrupting me from labouring (labour happens best when your neocortex shuts down and you let your mammilian/instinct take over which a hospital environment is not conducive to)
Everyone present was someone I had invited into my space, who loved and supported ad believed in me. No one tried to tell me what to do so I was able to fully listen and respond to my body's cues. It was wonderfully intimate and yet totally normal too. And I definitely experienced a far greater surge of oxtocin than I did with my hospital births.

Did you find home birthing at all to have been inconvenient after the fact?

Not in the least. Nothing is more convenient than having everything you need right there in your own familiar setting.

Here are my concerns and I would like your opinion on them:

1. Is it weird delivering in your own home? Were your other kids there? Did people knock on your door? Do you really feel like you're in the right place?

I didn't find it weird at all. It was awesome not having to go anywhere in labour
I chose to have my kids there, though we had backup plans in place in case they were posing too much distraction or were distressed by it at all. They were 2 and 4, and they came i to check on me and would wander off to do their own thing. We had well prepared them for the birth by reading books and watching birth videos and they werent phased in the least.
We put a sign on the front door that a birth was in progress so come back later if anyone came to the door.


2. I really enjoyed the attention I get at the hospital after I give birth, do you feel that taken care of when you give a home birth? Or does your mid wife leave pretty quickly?

I don't know what kind of attention you had in hospital, but I found it really invasive I just wanted to be left to get to know my new baby with my husband but kept being poked and prodded, and one time not even give my baby because of stupid policies. And then they make you feel like the baby belongs to them not you by pretty much questioning everything you do and not allowing you to carry your baby around etc.
Like I said above I didn't have a midwife so can't speak from experience, but I know most private ones here will stay for a few hours. That would be something to discuss when you interview them. Midwives are also better at quietly observing without disturbing you so you may not realise you're getting attention.
I had a doula who stayed with me for about 3 hours. She stays longer if needed but I didn't need her ant longer.

3. Do they ensure you're fed--this one is weird, I know, but part of the attention at the hospital involved the food!
Again, something to ask when interviewing. Many midwives will consider making sure you have something to eat following the birth as part of their job description, others would expect your partner or a doula/other support person to take care of that.
My doula ensured I stayed hydrated and brought me snacks in labour if requested. She also helped me prepare stew in early labour which we ate afterward.

4. What about breastfeeding? Will they stay long enough to ensure breastfeeding is going well??

As answered in a previous question, they will often stay for a few hours - at the minimum an hour so will tend to watch how breastfeeding is going, but unless your midwife is also a lactation consultant, it will likely be very cursory. But I didn't exactly get quality help in hospital either - everyone had a different opinion/advice.

5. How did you feel after everything was said and done? Were you happy to be home, or did it make the experience feel shortened because you were already home when it was done?

Wonderful. There was no interruption to the hormone processes at any stage. I was in my own comfortable home. I went straight to my own bed where my hubby and kids joined us for snuggles and I was able to stay in my "nest" and be waited on by my husband and mom and my doula checked in every day for a week.

6. I like the idea hubby being able to sleep in a real bed and with me, but I worry if it'll feel too normal...again, i know its a weird question.

Not having to be apart from my family and subjected to visiting hours and be concerned about bothering other women overnight - or hear other babies crying preventing me from sleeping when my own baby is sleeping was definitely a highlight. But I want to feel normal and not like an invalid. (though hubby made sure that for the firts two weeks I only had to worry about the baby - he and my mom handled everything else)

7. Pads for bleeding? Do I have to supply my own?

Yes

Tell me about the AFTER. Thank you!

I cant even put it into words really. Everything was at the same time so surreal ad yet normal. Which is how it should be IMO. We sat around whispering and soaking in the oxytocin and reveling in the fact that I just had a baby on my bedroom floor! We ate birthday cake. My doula washed all the towels. We calmly waited for the placenta and cut the cord and weighed him when we felt ready with no one hovering. My mom came over and later told me she couldnt get over the calmness.
We ate stew. We went to bed together as a family.

 

[rosegarden620]

I'm in love with all these stories and after reading some experiences I really believe I've made the right choice. Home birth is for me. I have my midwife. Now we wait, patiently. I look forward to sharing my experience with you all.