Horror birth experience with 1st, absolutely terrified of the hospital again.

[Jitter]

I am 31 weeks pregnant with my second little girl and I am absolutely terrified of the hospital and going through labour again. When I was induced the first time, I came in the morning and they started the induction process. The first 2 doses didn't work so they did the balloon method. And then when that wasn't going as far as they'd hoped they started me on pitocin and then my water broke at 2AM. I told a midwife and they said "Don't worry you probably won't have the baby for another 14 hours since it's your first." And I was like okay cool. I thought the process was going to take quite some time so I just waited a bit. Like 20 minutes later I started to get contractions so they moved me to a labour room. They sent my partner home because they told him I won't be having this baby for another 13 hours or so. (We live about an hour away from the hospital so quite a drive). I was told that midwives are supposed to be with you whilst you're in labour and I had no one in the room and they were supposed to be monitoring the babies heart rate with a CTG and my dilation. They did none of that. They just left me there. Lights turned all the way up, no one there to tell me how I'm supposed to breathe, what positions help labour, nothing. It was progressing super fast. I pressed the hospital button many times because I knew something wasn't right. I was progressing too fast and I needed someone there with me. No one came. Until I was about 9CM dilated and I was pretty mad at them, I told them I need the epidural now. I was in so much pain, apparently the pain is more intense with an induction so my body was shutting down fast. I vomited and had the shakes and felt very light headed but I was able to sit still for the epidural. I then told them that I hadn't been monitored and they were like oh crap so they connected me to the CTG as I had the epidural and I said to them this has gone super fast hasn't it? They looked at me a bit gobsmacked by the idea someone that hasn't had a baby before could progress that fast. They then said I'm ready to push so I should call my partner to come back and I told them I would have really liked it if I had him there whilst I was in labor.. But I had no energy to deal with that crap anymore. So we called my partner and he came back, an hour later he arrived as they put my legs on the stirrups and I started to push. My partner didn't get to comfort me at all and I had no support. I felt completely betrayed out of my first birth experience. I pushed until she came out. Guess how long I was in labour for after my waters broke? 6 and a half hours. So much for them trying to guestimate the 14 hours like complete idiots. Felt like a nightmare that wouldn't end. After they did all of the things they had to do, I was then put back into the recovery suites. Had a severely claustrophobic experience back there. Smallest room I'd ever been in. Almost felt like a closet. They kept coming in every hour to ask if I needed anything and every single time I said I needed to sleep. I was also kept back a few more days because they demanded I'd breastfeed but my daughter never attached because of issues with my breasts. The mention of formula made them scoff. Just.. I wanted to go home with my baby so bad. I'm terrified of the same thing happening. This experience has scarred me for life. I don't know what to do. I don't know how to feel other than fear.

 

[OnErth&InHvn]

You need a different doctor or midwife than last time and tell them exactly what happened. Ask them how they will prevent it.

Then you need a doula to support and speak for you.

You need a birth plan to make your wishes and what you dont want known

Be your own best advocate.

 

[Sander]

I had a nightmare experience with my first too. My whole labour was 5 hours, with ‘active labour’ being just over 2 hours long. No one expected me to go that fast as a FTM, but it happens. I had a really bad tear that left me with an extremely long recovery, plus I had a colicky baby.

Things were a complete 180 this time. I did have a planned c-section - however I can say that my recovery was so much faster and I got a calm happy baby too. Completely different experience and MUCH better. Every birth is different and I really think you’re better prepared the second time since you’re experienced.

Hugs, I’m sure everything will go great!

 

[lilstarsmum]

I’m so sorry to hear what you’ve been through, girl. I was in long labor for both of my 2 babies, and I can totally relate to your concerns. I have a different doctor now and I’ve already shared my concerns to her. It’s my prayer that everything goes well with you and that you’ll have a safe delivery. Please don’t get stressed out, but stay strong. Hugs.

 

[missielibra]

I didn't have a situation like yours, but my first labour was a little less than 3 hours from beginning to end. I had a rude nurse who kept telling me, it's gonna be 15 hours +, not listening to my comments as well. Even when I told her I had to push she rolled her eyes and even told the doctor, the lady THINKS she has to push before laughing at how "silly I sounded".

Clearly, first labours are not always 20 hours. And it would be nice for them to understand that. Is it possible for you to have different doctors, a team (be partner, parents, doula etc), or a different hospital? That's what I'm doing with this baby, a different hospital. Although, at least I figure this time, they won't expect 20 hours based on being a second and the first one being so fast. So I hope for you this time, (even though they shoulda listened the first time) that they will be more mindful.

I'm really sorry you had to go through this.

 

[miami8312]

My 1st birth was horrible i had an evil midwife and when i say evil she was evil. I had an epidural and had a hard time pushing she literally shouted at me and was agressive. She never said congratulations or well done when i finally gave birth. Well i ended up hemhorraging and lost a lot of blood, she neglected me and said i was just being a wimp she got me up 5 minutes after passing the placenta and told me to have a shower. She made me walk down the corridor infront of everyone including the waiting room with a sheet wrapped around me and a large pad to catcg the blood with blood pouring eveywhere. I passed out in the shower and it was my mom that insisted i see a doctor as she was adament i was fine. Turned out i had a massive tear she had failed to see and retained placenta. I was in hospital a week and felt close to death. Being so young at the time i never complained or did anything about it and neither did my parents. Well fastforward 9 years with my 2nd birth it was a breeze. 2 hours in labour just made it to the hospital, pushed for 2 mins and she was out. No hemhorrage and the midwife was lovely. She was really nice, congratulated me and said how well i did and was suprised at how laid back and relaxed i was ( even though i was petrified). And now 7 years after im having my 3rd girl and due in february. Im kinda anxious as to what the outcome is going to be, but the midwifes at the hospital are lovely and my consultant is great aswell. Every labour and pregnancy is different. I think 2nd babied tend to be the easiest. Think positive and keep calm and everthing will be ok. Also speak up if your not happy with anything

 

[Suggerhoney]

Hello hon. If ure UK based I wud highly advise asking to be booked in at the hospital to see a birth matters midwife.
I had a retained placenta and hemorrhaged really bad after having my DD so this time I requested a c section because I was just so so scarred.
I was told no to a section and had to do it vaginally.
I did see a birth matters midwife tho at 35 weeks and she was amazing and we went through my birth plan.
I had to be induced at just over 37 weeks because I had ICP but we planned to have a epidural as early on as possible.

I was given the epidural at around 5cm and it was amazing. I had a much better birth experience this time.
U can talk to the birth matters midwife about all ure worries she she will help ease her mind.

Just knowing I had that epidural lined up made me feel so much better.
I've been induced and had natural labours and tbh I dont think either is any less painful.
The only I hated about the induction this time was the sharp edges of the passery they use. But the contractions are the same as what they wud be normoly.
It's a bit more intense and painful with faster labours tho.
It took 16 hours to get me into established labour but once I was there it was only 2 hours and 20 mins and he was out.
Gas and air was my best friend.
Good luck hon it will soon he here and all over with b4 u know it.
It flys by so so fast

 

[Bevziibubble]

Best wishes for a much better experience this time. Every birth is different