how can I be happy for her?

[EmmyReece]

I've literally just found out that my cousin had a baby last night that she told nobody about!?!

I feel sick to the stomach

She'd been with this guy for a matter of weeks and she was pregnant by him. A few of us could tell as her boobs went all veiny and her belly went exactly the same as it did when she had her other 2 girls and when she was asked about it she said she'd taken tests and they were negative.

But how can you be in that much denial that when those obvious signs are there you still say that you're not pregnant.

Spoiler

As it is she's not been coping brilliantly with her other girls so how will she cope with a newborn too?

She's been smoking, drinking, she's taken morning after pills and had tattoos during this pregnancy, so what could happen to the baby later on in life I dread to think.

And apparently the baby was born at 30 weeks. She's not in an incubator, apparently feeding well and is doing really well (this will probably sound naive, but shouldn't she be in an incubator if she's so premature?)

And now, yet again, I feel like a failure. I can't give my fiance children at the moment because I'm too fat and it's messing with my cycles. I'm trying to lose weight and have been doing ok, I was slowly getting myself back into a routine of slimming world and now tonight all I want to do is eat, and eat and eat!

I feel horrible because I can't bring myself to be happy for my cousin, all I can think is when's it finally going to be my turn, and it's not the poor baby's fault that she's been born

 

[karenh]

Why do you have to be happy for her? It doesn't sound like she wanted it or is happy.

 

[EmmyReece]

I feel like I have to be happy for her because she's my cousin and I love her to bits

 

[arizonagal]

You can love her but not love her actions! Sounds like she is in some serious troubles if she's pregnant and lying and not taking care of herself

 

[karenh]

Exactly. Love her and support her.

 

[EmmyReece]

It feels easier said than done at the moment

I know it makes me sound bitter, twisted and self centred, but I don't know how to switch off from it

 

[lisap2008]

Sometimes when women really do not want to be pregnant they will deny they are to everyone around and even themselves, which is dangerous because it leads to them not taking care of themselves though the pregnancy. I understand because we had a similar situation in our family.

 

[EmmyReece]

She literally told no one ... and now there's this poor little baby here (who doesn't have a name) and 2 girls who don't know what's happening with their mummy

 

[HearMyPrayers]

I agree with the other ladies I dont think you NEED to be happy for her, what you could do is be a sound advise giver in her life, as it appears she needs it! drinking, smoking and just being plain neglectful to your unborn baby is a cry for help! I think the last thing your cousin needs at this point is people to be happy for her, more like she needs people to be honest with her and tell her she is a mother now and needs to start acting like it!

 

[EmmyReece]

Her sister is absolutely fuming, she's going to the hospital to see her tomorrow

It's so sad as this should be a really happy time and this poor little baby hasn't done anything wrong. She now has 3 children under 3 years old

 

[HearMyPrayers]

I imagine the family is in shock! and 3 under 3 is going to be a challenge and I think its best the family steps in and shows her the right path to get on for her kids sake. Sorry hun I know its tought but just remember that everyone has their own destiny and this is hers not yours your day will come

 

[EmmyReece]

I'm seriously finding it hard to believe at the moment ...

When she had her first, I spoke to her about our troubles and all she could do was tell me what position to get into after dtd She was so patronising it was unreal.

I'm going to try and get some sleep I think, tomorrow is a new day and all that