how can my mum forget?

[gnomette]

i had an ectopic in september my baby was 7cm big and had probably been hiding for quite some time but i was talking to my mum yesterday about having my babys ashes in the church when i get married in 3 weeks and i called my baba by her name my mum just said who? i then said lilly my baby she just screwed her face up like is there something your not telling me? and i actually had to explain to my mum who my daughter her grand daughter was all she could say was have you not scattered that yet? get over it? this was my mum i couldnt beleive it! i thought she understood i thought she would be supportive i have never thought so little of my mum i could forgive her most things but this i am struggling with! i didnt know what else to say! i left very shortly after that and said nothing i was in shock! am i over reacting? i feel like if i cant rely on my mum to remember and support me who have i got am i really that alone?

 

[ellie]

oh I am so sorry, that must have been awful ... i dont' know what to say about your mum, i just imagine that people see things differently, sometimes different generations do as well? esp if they haven't been through it themselves.... do you feel up to saying anything to her, over the phone maybe, that you felt hurt that she wasn't aware of how you were feeling and what it meant to you?
take care

 

[FEDup1981]

thats awful. Ur right to be upset. I know its hard but try not to let it consume you. Its a lovely idea to have ur babys ashes in church with you.

 

[gnomette]

i spoke to her just a min ago and she just dismissed it all and apparently i am too emotionaly strung! yay go me being emotionaly strung!

 

[ellie]

ohhh... i am sure you are not!!! maybe she doesn't want to deal with her own feelings about losing a grandchild? anyway, i think it'd be lovely to have the ashes there and i hope you have a lovely day and that you will very soon have your own LO with you

 

[kelly2903]

wow thats very insensative of her, i think its a lovely idea for you to have your baby's ashs with you on your wedding day. xx

 

[katb]

I agree it was insensitive, my Mum is lovely but when I had my m/c she said 'oh well it's been 5 years since you had DD2 maybe you can't have any more'...... thanks for that Mum!
Sometimes people don't think and Mums (as great as they are) are no exception.

I also agree that the generation gap can cause differences in how we deal with things.

It's a perfect idea to scatter the ashes in the church. Your baby will be with you in some way on your special day. xxx

 

[leeanne]

I agree that the comments were very insensitive.

 

[bklove]

I think the level of acceptance is greater for you because the experience was so real and mostly connected to you. You mum might not want to accept it because its never been real to her. hope that makes sense, came to me as I read your post. So don't hold it against her to much. Peace and Strength to you.

 

[Las78]

Hun, I feel for you. It is insensitive and I'm sure it really hurt, especially being your Mum. I really do think that they just don't have a clue and more so if they never experienced what we have, it doesn't make it any easier though, I know. I miscarried on Friday at 17wks and spoke to my mum the next day, all she could say was it wasn't meant to be, there was obviously something not right with my baby eventhough he may well have looked perfect - I could have put the phone down on her quite easily. She hasn't called me since and I won't bother to call her either.
I know what you mean about how alone you feel and of all people you would expect your Mum to remember, this experience made me realise that my OH and daughters are actually all that I need now.
Hope you have a lovely wedding and I think your idea of having Lilly's ashes in the church are very touching, she will be there with you.
Take Care

 

[gnomette]

thing is my mum had a m/c at 15wks when i was bout 5 or 6 and stil to this day mentions the baby she never had! so i think that made it worse! the thought that she has been through it and can stil be so ignorant to her daughter of all people! any way i am going to have a lovely wedding day and both my children are going to be with me! its not long now yay thank you ladies for all your replies! i do appreciate it thank you!

 

[lionheartnz]

Just wanted to pop by and say I think having her there is a lovely idea.

It sucks how Mums can be like that, I am struggling with my mum at little bit at the moment. I had a misscarage in November and have just found out that my OH's mum is due around my due date! I told mum and couldnt help crying about it, she was like arent you over that yet?!

no where as bad as you mum but boy does it hurt

 

[gnomette]

Just wanted to pop by and say I think having her there is a lovely idea.

It sucks how Mums can be like that, I am struggling with my mum at little bit at the moment. I had a misscarage in November and have just found out that my OH's mum is due around my due date! I told mum and couldnt help crying about it, she was like arent you over that yet?!

no where as bad as you mum but boy does it hurt

i think its cause its your mum is what makes it hurt more any one you know that you dont care bout all that much some one you barely know an they say something like that you can shrug it off cause you dont care what they think and they dont matter like your mum does!
but that sucks big time you oh's mum of all people its not like its someone you can make an excuse to! oh honey!!