How did you feel when you reached (and passed) the one year TTC mark?

[LemonTea]

It will be one year since DH and I started trying to conceive our first on Sunday, April 1. I've been dreading this day for months, but I noticed today that I'm not as panicked or distraught about it as I was about three months ago when I first started acting on my thoughts that something was wrong. Mostly I just feel kind of numb or separated from the whole thing.

Maybe it's that I've already ranted and raved, and yes, grieved, over the fact that trying for our first child didn't go as planned or expected. Maybe it's that, after getting a second opinion, we finally have a doctor we trust. Or maybe it's that we finally started opening up to family and friends about what we're going through after enduring months and months of being asked why we didn't have kids yet, or when we were going to start trying. Maybe it's knowing that I'm undergoing a lap and hysteroscopy next week for suspected endo, fibroids, polyps and cysts, and knowing that afterwards we're going to start trying again. Maybe it's thinking that we'll have a fresh start.

I don't know. Whatever it is, I really thought I would be feeling differently once we got here. Every cycle until this one, I have cried (sometimes just a few tears, sometimes a few hours of sobbing) when my period came. I keep expecting the tears to come and they haven't. I feel like I'm supposed to be feeling something, anything else than how I feel right now.

I've started to identify more with the people on this board than on the TTC or TTC#1 boards (even though I've been mostly lurking here since I'm still not sure if I really belong, given that I know DH and I haven't been trying nearly as long as many of you). So I wanted to ask anyone who is open to answering:

How did you feel when you reached the one year of trying mark? Did you feel differently than how you expected you'd feel? How was it for your partner/spouse?

Thanks for reading.

 

[hopingforit]

For me, I thought it wouldn't make me feel any different than before one year, but I ended up getting really worried. I wanted to see a Dr right away and I started doing so much more research on TTC. At the 1 1/2 year mark...I just want it to happen NOW.

As for DH, he kept saying that it will happen when it happens and he didn't want me to go to the Dr or anything. Once we hit the 1 year mark, he wanted to get me into the Dr and wanted to get the process moving. He wasn't happy about doing his SA or anything like that but he has been more than supportive of me TTC through the Dr.

Also, I just read your signature and wanted to say that maybe you don't feel as bad because you are already going to see a Dr. Most women can't get to see a Dr before 1 year because that is when you are considered "infertile". That is what a lot of the anxiety is about. You have already been there. Maybe that's it?

 

[MrsHowley81]

I was fine for the 1st year as I knew that it takes most people a year to get pregnant, In fact the 1st year was the best I was so care free and me and my hubby made the most of it , It wasn't until we had been trying for 2 years that I started to think something was wrong, and then we started seeing the doctor. The only regret I had was not going to the doctor sooner, but then it wouldn't of made any difference as I cannot conceive without IVF and we would of had to of waited untiil I was 30 anyway. So it was a good job I waited the 2 years I am not sure I would of been able to handle waiting a year to start the IVF process at least this way I haven't had to wait. But at least you have already started the process very early so I hope you get a great out come with a natural conception xx

 

[LouTTC1]

This might seem like an odd answer but I think I felt relieved and relaxed as we were finally getting tests done. A weight was lifted from our shoulders once we saw the consultant at the hospital.

I have had regular cycles since coming off birth control but when I did ovulation tests I didn't seem to ovulate until about day 20-22 (with cycles of 28-32 days). My GP didn't really listen when I told her that and we had to wait for the year.

We both had tests done and the results all fall into the 'normal' range so we are unexplained. Unexplained is a bit of a hard one to deal with as there isn't an issue there to deal with as such.

We have just had our first IUI and although the wait between appointments has been hard at times it has been a relief to finally get a helping hand on our journey to have a baby.

 

[itakp]

I knew there was something wrong well before we hit the year mark as DH´s brothers have both had to use IVF and I have kidney disease causing me not to ovulate regularly despite a perfectly regular cycle. We were both tested at around 10 months and were referred to FS straight away. It didn´t, however, stop me from being very sad and even angry when we came to the full year. DH has mainly felt sorry that I have been so upset but I can tell he is worried we will need more help than just the Clomid.

In a way I don´t feel such pressure any longer as I know we are in this in the long term now but also do think about it every day. I am resigned to the fact that our baby is still a long way away but also sure that we will get our little one, eventually.

 

[Leafy]

Depressed. I came off antidepressants while we were TTC and struggled through for a whole year without them but then had to give in and go back on the meds. I felt really defeated and like it was all for nothing. We are being referred to the FS though so that's something at least.

 

[MrsAttard]

I felt strangely happy to hit one year mark, bc I felt justified to now seek help, and DH's dr seemed happy to help. Truthfully, we started ttc before we were really ready, but bc we knew it wasn't going to happen right away. We knew that we were going to have problems with DH's swimmers. I spent the first year thinking, 'maybe it'll just happen!' I knew that statistically that was unlikely, but kept the optimism. Now that we're at 16 months or so....the optimism is running out. We've just had an SA done and we're waiting for the results. The results will mean so much bc we know IVF is out of the question, and DH isn't willing to use donor sperm either. I spend a lot of time trying to imagine my life without a child, in case it comes to that, but still desperately hope it'll just happen when we're not expecting it.

 

[wonderstars]

I was oddly optimistic and happy. My gyne wanted me to wait one year until we started testing. I was just wanted to feel like I was doing something, anything so it was a relief. I was lucky that I got to start that testing right away whereas some gals have had to wait quite some time. Even while I wait for a specialist appt, I am trying clomid which many don't get to. I think that definitely helped towards the positivity.

 

[Nysz]

Hi there!

I've been TTC for 2 years now and still hoping for some miracle.

After I've passed the first year, me and DH were getting a bit worried, but were still super positive. But that year leading to the 2nd was honestly horrendous. I would cry at each AF. I was obsessed with temps, fertile periods, cervical mucus, cervix opening or closed, position of cervix... the works! I dread going to family functions as I was avoiding the questions and basically I try to avoid pregnant women at all costs. It was crazzzzyyy!

Earlier this year, we finally went for proper checks with a gynae. And so, now I'm on 1-month hospitalization leave after an abdominal myomectomy to remove 3 fibroids, endometriosis and I had ovarian drilling done as well.

Now, basically we gotta wait for the gynae to clear me ok for us to start TTC again. By that time, I'll prolly reach my 3rd year already. But oh well, at least we have tried something.

So dear ladies, big hugs to all of you! Babydust! Let's keep trying!

 

[Janers]

I have to agree with the ladies above, when we hit the one year mark it was oddly relieving, we were due to meet the FS, things were moving forward.

Now we just take it day by day, month by month. I allow myself a sad day when AF comes, then its back to positive thoughts, and another month of trying.

Good luck to everyone!

 

[uwa_amanda]

It will be one year since DH and I started trying to conceive our first on Sunday, April 1. I've been dreading this day for months, but I noticed today that I'm not as panicked or distraught about it as I was about three months ago when I first started acting on my thoughts that something was wrong. Mostly I just feel kind of numb or separated from the whole thing.

Maybe it's that I've already ranted and raved, and yes, grieved, over the fact that trying for our first child didn't go as planned or expected. Maybe it's that, after getting a second opinion, we finally have a doctor we trust. Or maybe it's that we finally started opening up to family and friends about what we're going through after enduring months and months of being asked why we didn't have kids yet, or when we were going to start trying. Maybe it's knowing that I'm undergoing a lap and hysteroscopy next week for suspected endo, fibroids, polyps and cysts, and knowing that afterwards we're going to start trying again. Maybe it's thinking that we'll have a fresh start.

I don't know. Whatever it is, I really thought I would be feeling differently once we got here. Every cycle until this one, I have cried (sometimes just a few tears, sometimes a few hours of sobbing) when my period came. I keep expecting the tears to come and they haven't. I feel like I'm supposed to be feeling something, anything else than how I feel right now.

I've started to identify more with the people on this board than on the TTC or TTC#1 boards (even though I've been mostly lurking here since I'm still not sure if I really belong, given that I know DH and I haven't been trying nearly as long as many of you). So I wanted to ask anyone who is open to answering:

How did you feel when you reached the one year of trying mark? Did you feel differently than how you expected you'd feel? How was it for your partner/spouse?

Thanks for reading.

I know how you feel. My ONLY regret about this whole ttc business is not getting help sooner. We've been trying for nearly six years and only sought help last summer. I feel so guilty about it as I could have gone a whole lot sooner. I guess it was God telling me the timing for help wasn't right, or else it would have happened. I am beginning to imagine what life will be like for us without children. I have shed many, MANY tears over this as we both want to raise a child so bad. If nothing happens by the end of June, our journey to parenthood will be ending. We cannot afford the next step and adoption is financially out of the question too. to you on your one year anniversary ttc. Hopefully, you'll get your bfp and will be able to shout it from the rooftops.

 

[Armywife84]

Scared, angry, ashamed, and depressed.

Scared I would never have a baby, still am.

Angry at other pregnant women, my DH for his SA, at myself for saying when I was younger I didn't want to have children.

Depression and anxiety started to take over after we found out IF and that SIL was accidentally pregnant with her third. From then on it was downhill.

I regret not getting myself tested further (I was being tossed around from gyno to gyno and they were idiots) to discover endo. Oddly enough when I found that out I carried the attitude, "Of course..throw another wrench in my clockwork". I don't have the best luck and even though it's dual IF, we could still be worse off.

This month marks 2 years for me. My mood is a little more numb, still depressed and my anxiety has worsened. I'm slowly trying to accept that there's a chance I may never be a mother. Trying to start grieving for a child I don't know if I'll ever have. Idk maybe it will soften the blow later in the future.

 

[macca197831]

I am hitting the 12 month mark in 2 weeks (previousley I tried for 6 months and took a break so really its 18 attempts) which is also my first wedding anniversary. I am dreading it, I thought I would have had a child by now and never expected that I would reach my anniversary and not be pregnant.

We have been through tests, OH had low sperm count and motility which has now improved enough for us to go on the list for IUI. I had a lap and dye in Feb and had some mild endo removed.

Im trying to think of this month as a fresh start because OH now has what is considered a borderline/normal count and I have had the endo removed but I cant help but feel depressed and like it is never going to happen for us. I think I will feel quite emotional on our anniversary as that will be the 12 months mark for us.

 

[dizzikel]

I was just about to post and saw your BFP!! Congratulations hun xx

 

[LemonTea]

I was just about to post and saw your BFP!! Congratulations hun xx

Thank you so much. It's been three days since we found out, and I still can't believe it. Totally came out of left field. We are not out of the woods by any means, but I am trying so so hard to be happy while at the same time not getting my hopes up so high that I can't recover if this doesn't work out.

Thanks for everyone who responded to my questions in the OP. I have been reading them every day, but I have honestly been too embarrassed to come here and reply. I feel like a total ass for making my first post on this board one day, only to get a BFP the very next day. When I lurk around infertility boards, I always have a hard time feeling happy for people who do that, and now I've turned into one.

 

[Leafy]

congratulations xxxx

 

[Sizzles]

Congratulations!
In response to the original question, I think I felt resigned to it once we hit the 1 year mark, but the 2 or 3 months running up to it were stressful and a lot of tears were shed; I think it was the pressure of trying to get pg before we hit 1 year. When it didn't happen it was just a case of 'that's that then'.

Having said that, that was a year ago and the memory is very distant. Army Wife, I'm the same as you - this month marks 2 years, which is an odd place to be. I think for me, each milestone is set against the stats, so I think 95% of couples conceive by 2 years and so now I figure I'm a 5% statistic, which makes me sad. At the 1 year mark I was thinking about whatever that statistic was.

For the record, I went to the docs at 9 months of trying and luckily he was happy to start tests. Unfortunately, after my initial bloods were done the next step was SA for OH, which he dragged his heels on for a while. consequently, these were only just done in December and as they came back normal we were then able to proceed with the FS (first appointment this Thursday!) Now I'm still sad that it hasn't happened, but almost at the stage of 'well it's out of our hands now.'

Good luck 1,000,000 times over for those still awaiting that elusive bfp! (I'm secretly hoping I get mine this month, bang on 2 years and in time to have seen FS, then have to say it's not actually necessary.)

 

[ksweet82]

we were NTNP for a couple years. I always told myself that I must just have the worst timing in the history of timing. during my next yearly I told my Dr about my concerns and she started doing some testing. I'm now on clomid and have been for almost a year. There were times that I was very depressed about it and it became an obsession. I hated how our "special time" wasn't quite so special anymore it was a job (like most of you ladies know). now i'm just kinda going with the flow. I feel like it will happen and i refuse to let myself get so upset about it anymore. Until then I am trying to mentally prepare myself, enjoy my fantastic nephews and nieces that I have running around and know that someday something will happen.