How do I cope with this?

[charveyron]

I had a miscarriage on easter sunday and have really had trouble accepting it, I just can't understand why this has happened to us.

Last week my mum came round to tell me that my sisters husbands vasectomy had failed and that she is 18 weeks pregnant - I feel so cheated, the fact that they went as far as him having an operation so they wouldn't have anymore children and they have been blessed with this!

When my mum told me I sobbed and she told me to stop being so bitter - she told me that I would never fall pregnant again if I carried on being like this - but I can't help it.

I can't be happy for my sister, this will be her 5th baby and I can't help but feel that it isn't really wanted.

I just feel like its been taken from me and given to her - I tried talking to my mum about it but she just says that lifes not fair and there's nothing she can do. My sister is having a scan tomorrow and I know that she'll find out the sex and have pictures and I just don't think I can handle it, Ij ust feel so cheated and really don't know how to cope with it.

 

[miel]

i am very sorry sweetheart ...you will get your baby don't give up hope

 

[Vickie]

So sorry you are feeling this way, and sorry your mom couldn't be more understanding. You will have your baby one day, don't give up hope

 

[Faerie]

I know it's hard not to feel cheated, even if we know we shouldn't have these feelings.... I think your Mum just doesn't know how respond to your feelings, so try talking to people that do (like us!) because some people will never be able to understand how you're feeling, through no fault of their own.
My sister told me she was pregnant a couple of weeks after I miscarried, and even though she almost felt guilty and was worried how I'd react I couldn't help putting on a brave face. I avoided talking to her (she lives in Oz) but eventually I told her how I was feeling. Could you try talking to your sister? Just bringing how you're feeling into the open (ok, maybe not the you feel like she doesn't want it, keep those thoughts for us). Maybe try writing down your feelings first a few times to get your thoughts sorted, I often find that helps, even if I end up tearing them all up.

EDIT: I think I should get some kind of award for how many times I wrote "feeling/s"!!

 

[porkpie1981]

Listen i have a 2 yr old and since my mc i dont like to see/hear others being pregnant. Im getting more used to it now tho. My friend told me a few wks ago that she was 17 wks pregnant (left it a week or so she didnt want to upset me) tho i was really happy she has a 5 yr old and shes been trying for yrs and had probs. I know its sick to be that way and only feel happy for others that had probs but i sorta feel how she must have felt yrs ago when she couldnt concieve so i think thats why

 

[Sweatpea24]

I totally understand how you are feeling... My oldest brothers Fiance and I were a week apart in pregnancy but I miscarried at 9 wks and she is now 13 weeks. I been avoiding my brother because it is his first child and I should be Happy for him. I already have a 2 yr. old daughter and I don't want to rob his excitement. I have a poem that might help you out.


How do I say goodbye ... when I didn’t get to say hello?
I want so bad to keep you ... how do I let you go?
I have so many dreams, so much love I want to share
There’s nothing I can do ...why is life unfair?
You’re my perfect angel...I dreamed you long ago
I never got to hold you but it breaks my heart to let you go
The pain and confusion I feel inside
I can not explain...I can not describe
God will rock you in your cradle and watch you as you sleep
I will love you in my heart ... it’s all I get to keep
you are blessed my child ... you’re in heaven up above
You’ll never be alone...you have Mommy & Daddy’s love
Hush my little baby...you need not ever cry
You were always wanted! I wish you didn’t die
You’ll be my sunshine in the daylight and the brightest star at night
Reach for God’s hand and go to the light
I would rather endure the pain of losing you right now
Then the thought of you suffering thru life...we’ll get thru somehow
I was blessed to have you briefly...even though I have to let you go
I wish I knew the reason but I guess I’ll never know

 

[golcarlilly]

Hi

Can i just ask why your mum told you and not your sister herself? Are you close to your sister? I think it would have been easier on you if your sister had told you, I know it would have been hard for you but your mum does not seem like she is very sympathetic to your feelings - as someone else said, some people are unable to put themselves in others shoes and cannot imagine the distress they cause by unfeeling comments!
A friend of my sister's (who is an aquaintance of mine) was due the same time as me and we were supposed to be going to her son's birthday party on Sunday, i have had to cancel as I just cannot face it, I text her yesterday to say why (my sister had already told her about my m/c) - she hasn't even bothered to text me back! I am just going to ignore it as my sis says she can be very inconsiderate and selfish!
My advice to you is to talk to your sister and tell her how you are feeling, I am sure she will understand, especially as she is a mother already.
Take care chick, you will get your BFP again before you know it xx

 

[LaDY]

Im sorry babe...but dont give up trying...when ready the best advice i can give anyone is enjoy trying for a baby and dont focus your mind on having a baby whilst trying. Some things happen in starange ways and we will never know the reason why babe...give yourself time to discover your feelings and thoughts. Takecare babexxx

 

[maccy]

I'm shocked at some of the insensitivity some people show, i'm lucky to have loads of good family members around me. Hun, you're bound to feel like that don't feel guilty bout it. Take care. xxx

 

[trishawootton]

i no how hard it is i was the same when i had my miscarriage back in december 2 of my cousins were pregnant at the time and i couldnt face them, if my sister brought her baby round i wouldnt speak i would just go out lucky for me my family just accepted this and supported me but in your case u might need to speak to your sister explaining how you feel and you will most probably find that she will support you and help u through it gently, u may feel cheated now but the thing that kept me goin was that i am still able to have children in the future (as i found out cus im now 21 weeks pregnant) there was just a reason for u loosing that baby, and it is also very very common that the 1st pregnancy ends in miscarriage just try and stay positive shug and just try to look to the future

 

[Visqueen]

Im so sorry for you. I have just had a missed miscarriage at 11 weeks i understand just how you feel things just dont seem fair. We need to try and stay positive and believe that before we know it our little one will be on its way.

Take care