How do you answer the "When are you guys going to have a baby" question?

[Andeama2]

I've been getting this a lot lately. And I also get the "don't have a kid for a while" statement. How do you handle this? I want to say " when the doctors figure out what's wrong". But I dont want to offend anyone and I know they have no idea that we've been trying for 19 months. I'm just at a loss and trying to not be annoyed with what people say. Thoughts?

 

[froggyfrog]

Well....in the last year I got tired of that question lol. I answer honestly! I say we have wanted kids for a long time but it hasn't happened. Or, when God says it's time. Since we decided on ivf, I now have started saying that we are doing ivf at the end of the year. fertile People don't realize what that question can do to infertile people, and I find talking about the fact that we struggle to be kind of therapeutic, and if I made them uncomfortable, maybe I made them realize that they shouldn't ask that question to anyone else.

 

[DreamHopeBeli]

I always feel uncomfortable when asked that question and always say the same thing that Aw maybe one day.... Kills me saying it everytime and I have tried so hard for years to have a baby and I don't want to make people awkward but at the same time it upsets me everytime... My family always chime in to support me and usually begin to answer for me but always makes me really sad

 

[MKaykes]

Obviously depends on the relationship, but with those casual acquaintances or co-workers, my response is usually "when the time comes." I haven't had people pry beyond the initial question. It just seems very personal to me, and really is quite appalling how many people think it is any of their business! It has definitely brought tears to my eyes as I walked away. I do find it important to share where we are at in our ttc journey with people close to me, since it is important to talk through it, but only people who have experience really understand. My mom and sister never had to "try" so it has been a disappointment having to "work" at it.

Sometimes, don't you feel like just being blunt and tell them to mind their own business?

 

[Andeama2]

It seems like I go through different moods. Sometimes am angry when someone brings it up, sometimes I want to cry, sometimes it doesn't bug me much and sometimes I want to tell them just to get it out so I don't feel like I have some big secret weighing on me. I wish I had a good answer because the moments when it comes up is really though. Thanks for the feedback ladies. Good luck on your journey!

 

[laura_019]

When people ask me this question it makes me so sad because they're usually the ones who can have kids or have had kids no problem. I used to cry about it but I'm starting to handle it a lot better now. Most don't know my boyfriend and I are ttc so I just tell them "It'll happen when it's meant to happen".

 

[awnmyown]

I've always acted like it doesn't actually matter to us. I respond with something like "When I'm ready to give up sleeping in and taking long carefree vacations??" or something else that implies I don't understand why they even want kids anyway. That being said, my close friends all know that we want them desperately and they don't even ask such silly questions. Co-workers I just tell say "When I'm ready to give up my budding career to breast feed?" as though I'm totally not into that, even though I'd happily give it all for a little one. I guess I feel like it should be insensitive to their struggles as a parent because they're clearly insensitive to my struggles too.

 

[Angel022605]

Coming from a religious point of view I always tell anyone and everyone who asks "it'll happen when God says it can happen" my younger sis has a 1 yr old and I get asked all the time when I'm gonna have one especially since we've been married for a yr longer than her.

 

[MagicDance]

I agree with how everyone feels about the awkwardness of the question!
People should have more sense than to assume because they had an easy time its the same for everybody else. Its almost the same as the awful "was it planned?" question when girls I have known announced a pregnancy, I had to watch that at work once and I couldnt believe that they had the cheek to ask it

I truly believe there is no wrong or right with how you deal with the situation as long as youre happy with it yourself. (I know its silly but I have felt almost guilty in the past for downplaying my want for a baby) so I tend to be casual too like - ''when it happens" or "when we are blessed"
I have had a lot of questions because we have our home, we are married and I suppose its the next natural step I just wish others were sensitive and not blunt.
Im certain the more im asked the more sarcastic I will become mind you

Good Luck

 

[nnaime]

Usually when people mention this to me, I do get really sad and I tend to just tell them the truth and say "yeah, we're trying". I ttry to hide my discomfort but to my dismay they don't try to hide their pride or ignorance. God will give me this gift when I am ready

 

[BostonLover89]

I'm with you ladies, it's generally a sad/uncomfortable conversation. When people ask I simply say we are trying and change the subject back to them.

We had a group decide to TTC together ( thought it would be good for support...BIG MISTAKE!) and I am currently the only one not expecting. Bless them though, they check on me and ask for updates with enthusiasm but I asked them to stop,because replying with "not yet" was slowing killing me. They understood.

I continue to check on them and chat with them about their pregnancies and we have started planning a few showers.

Which brings me to another point/question... How do you guys handle close friends who are expecting? One asked me if I wanted her to stop talking about it, I said no of course not.... But I'll admit that every time I do chat with them (especially if I just received my monthly gift) I have a sobbing attack (privately of course).

 

[nnaime]

I'm with you ladies, it's generally a sad/uncomfortable conversation. When people ask I simply say we are trying and change the subject back to them.

We had a group decide to TTC together ( thought it would be good for support...BIG MISTAKE!) and I am currently the only one not expecting. Bless them though, they check on me and ask for updates with enthusiasm but I asked them to stop,because replying with "not yet" was slowing killing me. They understood.

I continue to check on them and chat with them about their pregnancies and we have started planning a few showers.

Which brings me to another point/question... How do you guys handle close friends who are expecting? One asked me if I wanted her to stop talking about it, I said no of course not.... But I'll admit that every time I do chat with them (especially if I just received my monthly gift) I have a sobbing attack (privately of course).

I haven't got any close friends TTC, but my cousin is little miss Fertile Myrtle, doesn't really have a conscience when it comes to these things. My family tries to stop her from talking to me about it, but she gets to it somehow and after her first she decided she doesn't want anymore so you know how that goes... usually I just reply Oh and I turn my face so they don't see my eyes well with tears. Maybe I should show a little more enthusiasm? But I can't bring myself to it.
As long as they aren't complaining about pregnancy/parenting then I say fine to it, I still want to keep the friendship you know? Or maybe for people that do godparenting that might be a good outcome

 

[raine87]

I usually give the snarky response, "when my uterus decides to do its job". Everyone usually has a good laugh and we all move on.
Boston- I had a good friend that we were going through this journey together and she got pregnant and I of course didn't. Honestly, we have pretty much stopped talking. We will see how each other are doing and we keep up on each others doctors appointments. I thinks she feels more awkward than I do.

 

[BostonLover89]

I usually give the snarky response, "when my uterus decides to do its job". Everyone usually has a good laugh and we all move on.
Boston- I had a good friend that we were going through this journey together and she got pregnant and I of course didn't. Honestly, we have pretty much stopped talking. We will see how each other are doing and we keep up on each others doctors appointments. I thinks she feels more awkward than I do.

I can sense that a few of the girls feel uncomfortable around me...or at least that they want to make sure they don't say anything that will make me burst out in tears so I would venture to agree that they also feel more awkward that I do.

I like the snarkyness haha I try to have a good sense of humor about it...generally I keep it light hearted but when Af shows up once again I just know to keep away from people.

 

[raine87]

Yeah usually the day AF comes I get pretty depressed. I usually cry for a minute but move on fairly quickly. The snarkyness is partly my personality. Usually after you say something pretty awkward it opens up the conversation.

 

[MagicDance]

Hello again all..

Bostonlover89.. I can relate to how you have been feeling in the support groups. I too was in a thread with a lot of BFPS and I found myself being pushed out and ignored. Personally I would never want to make someone feel like that no matter if they've had no children or they've had 4.. We are all in the same journey with some slightly more experienced than others and I love hearing about everyone equally.
I am since a little more fussy on the tww and where I join now.

I do still try and think positive.. For every bfn that's bringing me closer to the day I will be able to announce my bfp and no matter how badly I want it I would still be considerate of others.

I mainly get most upset when family members close to me fall pregnant especially if they have had it easy. Don't get me wrong I am still happy for them but I do feel a sense of "it should be me!" And then I normally feel guilty too for thinking that way- vicious circle. I definitely need to see how others deal with it and maybe steal some pointers lol.

I had a really close colleague at work who had a beautiful little boy and then took to Facebook everyday to upload statuses and pictures and family quotes etc etc, I found myself unfollowing them because I couldn't cope when we would meet she would ask me did I see such and such and in the end I confessed that I was finding it hard and didn't expect her to understand nor did I want to offend her but it actually brought us closer so I suppose that did work out okay.