It's been almost three weeks since my miscarriage. It was really hard on my husband and I. We were surprised when we found out we were pregnant in the first place because two years ago we were told that having a baby naturally may not happen. He has low counts, mobility and morphology. So our doc suggested ivf. At the time we hung on to hope and life just went on. That's why the pregnancy was a shock. We were excited. But unfortunately I miscarried at 7 weeks and it was devastating. What if this was our only chance? We both have been emotional since. Myself more than him. Or more that I show. So we just celebrated out wedding anniversary over the weekend. Wanted to try and move forward and celebrate us. On the day of our anniversary my sister texts me and shows me a positive pregnancy test and says sorry! I am having a hard time dealing with this for many reasons. One I just lost my baby and I feel she is insensitive to it even though she knows what happened and was there with me. She knows my hurt and when I mutual friend announced she was pregnant I cried and she knew that. I told my sister that I was trying to be happy for her but my emotions are getting in the way and it will take time. All she can do is talk about it and it's frustrating me. I feel selfish but I am still dealing with grief and I can't get her to see it. She is not fit to have a kid right now which tops all my emotions too. She got pregnant when I found out because I was. Which also frustrates me. Because her boyfriend did not want kids yet. So she lied to him. I am having a hard time dealing with it and talking to her is not an option. We will just end up fighting. I can't emotionally heal when I feel she is insensitive to my loss. And I can't feel happy for her because of it and more. I just want the pain to stop. Has anyone else dealt with this? How did you move on and grieve? Any advice. . Thank you sorry to rant.
How do you deal?
- Thread starter beachbum2
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First of all, I'm so sorry for your loss. Dealing with infertility and then a miscarriage on top of that has got to be so very very hard. Infertility isn't my problem but I've had numerous miscarriages so I know how gut-wrenching that loss is. I've also had the unfortunate experience of finding out baby news right after a miscarriage and know how much that sucks too. So big BIG 
to you right now.
Secondly, I think your sis was insensitive in how she told your her news. My sister and s-i-ls have always told me baby news in person when possible because they know how much it hurts to hear that someone else is having a baby while I was not. She could have at least called you instead of just texting a picture with Sorry as the caption. I don't blame you for being upset and I'd tell her how it felt to get that note. Maybe it'll help her be more sensitive about updates later on? One can only hope.
Thirdly, I found it was easiest to move on if I let myself grieve naturally. I set up a little memorial spot in my backyard. It's in the middle of a group of trees and I plan on planting a flowering plant there as a memorial to my lost babies. I go there whenever I feel down and instantly feel better, like my babies are there with me. It's a quiet peaceful little place tucked away in a corner so it's private. I also have had several miscarriages, so I spent alot of time reading all I could on miscarriage, causes, tests, and treatments. I saw a specialist too and he diagnosed hormone issues. I know this probably won't be of much help since you have already seen a specialist but I found reading books written by women who have suffered losses helped immensely. I learned I wasn't alone and that others had made it through fertility problems and pregnancy loss. And it also helped for DH and I to get away for a while. After some of my more traumatic miscarriages, we've taken a weekend vacation and it's helped 'recharged my batteries' in a way. Sure I've had to deal with the grief and loss when I've come back but it was almost like leaving for that little while let me leave the sadness at home for those few days.
to you right now.Secondly, I think your sis was insensitive in how she told your her news. My sister and s-i-ls have always told me baby news in person when possible because they know how much it hurts to hear that someone else is having a baby while I was not. She could have at least called you instead of just texting a picture with Sorry as the caption. I don't blame you for being upset and I'd tell her how it felt to get that note. Maybe it'll help her be more sensitive about updates later on? One can only hope.
Thirdly, I found it was easiest to move on if I let myself grieve naturally. I set up a little memorial spot in my backyard. It's in the middle of a group of trees and I plan on planting a flowering plant there as a memorial to my lost babies. I go there whenever I feel down and instantly feel better, like my babies are there with me. It's a quiet peaceful little place tucked away in a corner so it's private. I also have had several miscarriages, so I spent alot of time reading all I could on miscarriage, causes, tests, and treatments. I saw a specialist too and he diagnosed hormone issues. I know this probably won't be of much help since you have already seen a specialist but I found reading books written by women who have suffered losses helped immensely. I learned I wasn't alone and that others had made it through fertility problems and pregnancy loss. And it also helped for DH and I to get away for a while. After some of my more traumatic miscarriages, we've taken a weekend vacation and it's helped 'recharged my batteries' in a way. Sure I've had to deal with the grief and loss when I've come back but it was almost like leaving for that little while let me leave the sadness at home for those few days.
