How do you do it?

[MrsFordy]

Tonight, for no particular reason I just feel completely hopeless.

We have been TTC for 2 years with not even a hint of a BFP. The constant cycle of hope and bitter disappointment is literally breaking me.

My friends and family know of our situation however do not understand it. If I have heard 'it will happen when it happens' and 'just don't try' oh and 'try not to think about it' once I've heard it a million times.

My MIL actually said to me the other day that I better get a move on as she wanted another grandchild....I felt like she had just stabbed me in the eye with a hot spoon

Hubby is great and supportive but I feel like a broken record when I try to explain how I feel.

I hope if you are reading this then you will know what I am going through and could help me understand how to keep my sanity in all of this?

Thanks for reading my rant

 

[jules87]

You have come to the right place and you are definitely not alone. DH and I have been trying for 3.5 years, with no BPF ever. The doctors can't find anything wrong with us either. It's very disheartening, especially when people feel like they need to give you their two cents. I just try to remember that they say things like that because they care. (other than the "get a move on comment".)

My family and people in our small town had really started to bug us about it and I kind of lost in one day and told EVERYONE, and I do mean everyone, off. I told them that we are dealing with infertility and I don't want to talk about it, period. I also made sure to let them know that I don't want to talk about the possibility of adoption either. I asked that they please respect our feelings, and that we will share information with them when we feel up to it.

It's a very hard road. I come on the forums a lot to remind myself that I'm not alone and to get the support that I just can't get elsewhere. I've also picked up fitness, reading, and gaming to keep myself occupied. Hang in there hun!

 

[MrsFordy]

Thank you so much for your reply Jules, it definitely helps to not feel alone in this.

Those of our family and friends that don't know about our difficulty conceiving ask us all the time when we are going to have another (I have a 3yr old for which i'm truly grateful), we don't want to have 'a lonely only' or so I have been told. I have been so not so nice in telling them to mind their own business.

We have only just been referred for testing as we had to wait for the 2yr mark to pass. (hubby's results are due back next week)

I think I'll start up fitness again, I definitely need a distraction!

Hang in there too and thanks again for the pick me up

 

[jules87]

Keep us posted on the test results and progress! Good luck to you!

 

[Myshelsong]

Hi Hun!
We are four years into this long horrible soul crushing, relationship testing road.

What I found was people who don't know or haven't gone through this have NO idea that asking that simple question can ruin your week. Heck month. They are just curious, it is almost second nature to ask. I found MYself asking a friend of mine once last year and almost shoved my foot in my mouth physically. People dont understand it really isn't their business.

Like Jules I had a breaking point (about the time you are in for right now) where I was just so sick of people asking or mentioning things that I just started telling people what was going on. Not the details, but enough so they would leave it alone. We told our immediate family that there was issues and we were seeing Drs, but we were uncomfortable discussing it and if we wanted to talk about it we would bring it up. We didn't want to and weren't going to discuss treatments so please dont ask. Then I told my most gossipest cousin on the phone, and said roughly the same thing but that I would let her know if something happens. From there the word spread.
If it is a friend or extended family member that i dont want to share my business with I go on a tirade of how I am sick of people asking that and that we are not ready for children, that there is so much more to life like sleeping in and spontaneous vacations and alcohol filled nights I dont want to say goodbye too. And why does society get to say when my optimal mothering years are? Eventually they will actually agree with me, and then turn it around how they wished they waited and they are so tired and will never mention it again.

Now how to keep your sanity? There is only one thing I can suggest that actually works. yes you can do yoga, meditation and acupuncture - both are very relaxing. But the only thing that kept me sane and to know that i wants in this alone was Talking. Share your feeling with your hubby, he is in this with you. It took me about two years to finally open up about how horrible this was making me feel. how I felt like a part of me was dying every single month and that I didn't know if I would ever find those pieces again.
Remember he is your rock and you are his rock. If you are going to survive this journey you have to do it together.

 

[Tenacity76]

Sorry about the mother in law. It took us two and a half years to get pregnant with my son, who is now 4 and starting TK. Try to stay positive. I know its easier said then done But as I've said in other threads, eat well, see your doc regularly and maybe try vitamins and teas. All u can do is be proactive and get your body ready for your baby.
We're trying for our second, going on a year snd a half. I eat mostly organic, no foods with preservatives, lots of veg and fruits. I drink nettles, red clover teas. I take epr, Don quai for one week, royal jelly, bee pollen, bee propolis, coq10, calcium,prenatal vitamins, and fish oil. I've had three early chemicals I think. But every month is a new chance for our new baby, so I continue on. It's all we can do. So for me when I get my period I allow myself one day to greive eat and try to begin anew the next day. Because everyday really is another opportunity to eat what my body needs for that phase. Hang in there