How far along were you when...((**My delivery story included**))

[HoneyBee71]

the hospital allowed you to see your baby after your m/c? Then reason why I ask, is because I think this issue plays a big part of me not being able to resolve some of my grief (three years later).

When I m/c'd the hospital was incredibly busy that day. Instead of admitting me to the OB floor, they left me in the ER to deliver. I was 15 weeks pregnant at the time of my loss. The nurse assigned to me was not too swift. I feel qualfied to say this, because my profession at that time was to interview/hire nursing staff and based on her preformance and lack of professionalism, I would have NEVER have hired her....Anywhoooo...

They set me up in a room and left me alone for what seemed like hours. I delivered my son ALONE, and 20 minutes later Nurse "swifty" came back in, peeked under my blanket and wrapped and removed my son. My husband and I tried to stop her so that we could at least see him, but for some reason, she wouldn't let us - she told us that she "couldn't allow it". When asked about the remains, she stated that the "hospital takes care of it." I then asked her if there would be a pathologist report, so we could at least see the reason WHY we lost the baby and her response was... "They don't do pathology on a first time loss". (??????) Having never had a child before, I was not sure what to expect. My head was groggy from the morphine and the pain and my poor DH was devastated and clueless, so he just thought this may be standard procedure. Not long after, the hospital told me to get dressed and sent us on our way (a whole other horror story).

Once I sobered up, I was furious with my treatment that day and quickly shot a letter to the hospital administrator, but never received a response. What I did receive, several weeks later, was a PATHOLOGY bill. I stormed up to the hospital and requested my records wherein, I found out that according to the pathologist that our baby was an "obvious male, perfectly formed." They chalked the loss up to a possible placental abruption.....

Here's the thing... I have NO IDEA where my perfectly formed son went, what they did with his remains, nor did I ever get the chance to see his perfect little face and it kills me. Has anyone here ever heard of this? Is 15 weeks too young to see? Shouldn't the hospital have given us an option regarding the remains?? These questions still haunt me...

 

[Hellylou]

My goodness what a terrible story. I am so very very sorry for your loss, and the way it happened sounds just appalling.

Until I lost my boy at 16 weeks just under a week ago I never even understood what this type of later term m/c even meant, or what was involved, or what the options were. Until now, of course...

We did see him. Not at the time because we couldn't bear to, but we were offered the option to hold him immediately after birth, but we chose not to see at that point. It was all too horrifying. We viewed on Monday, in a little crib, so he was only 1 week later in gestation than your little one. I see no reason why you were not offered the same.

You seem to have been sent home so quickly too! I was in for 2 days after, and offered more time if I needed it. We were asked about burial or cremation, services etc. I am very shocked by what you experienced, and so sorry to hear it.

I don't think there is any real way to lessen the pain when you experience something like this but it sounds like your care was incredibly insensitive, incompetent and I am not surprised you feel as you do.

 

[Andypanda6570]

I lost Ava at 18 and a half weeks, I gave birth to her on my toilet I went to go to the bathroom and she came out, my husband held the cord up as I was sitting so she would not get wet, he did this till EMS arrived (Maybe 5 minutes) I refused to look, all I did was scream in horror. I pushed the placenta out in the ambulance. I was only in the hospital for 3 hours, the nurse came in and asked if we wanted to see Ava at first I said NOOOOOOOO Then a little voice said you need to see her NOW< so I quickly said please give her to me was she beautiful she looked just like my second son, same nose same cheeks. We held her we told her how much we loved her and we buried her on 3/11/2011. After 3 hours I begged them to let me go home they took a sonogram to make sure everything was out and it was and they let me go, I just remember going home and sleeping for hours maybe 18 hrs, woke up and since then have been in a sadness and realized this is my life no matter how happy I am i will always have a profound sadness inside me My labor was about 2 hrs and I refused to go to the hospital then my water broke and she was out. just like my other 3 boys I was not afraid, i was horrified at how it happened, but I was scheduled for a D and E which is a terrible procedure but it is needed when you are beyond 15 weeks, In the US you can choose to give birth instead but the doctors are against it, they don't recommend it they recommend the D and E . I didn't know what a D and E was at the time, but Ava didn't want to come into the world that way she wanted to be born in my house and I let it happen, I didn't go to the hospital when I knew I should when the labor started and I don't regret it. That is my story.Love To All Of you XOXOXO

 

[jennijunni]

I lost a baby boy, Judah, at a day or two under 17 weeks. I also delivered him in my bathroom. I knew he had died, and was prepared. I delivered him into my hands, and held him for a few minutes, before the blood started coming. I was critically ill after his birth, and almost died, due to blood loss. The staff at the hospital was abrupt with me, until I told them to stop treating me like a patient and start treating me like a mother who had just lost a baby boy. They changed very quickly. That nurse was awful, she needs a swift kick in the ass. I worked in ER's for a long time, and you do need to remember that behind every patient is a story, and person. Lots of hugs to you!! I wish you had a chance to see your baby boy.

 

[Nikki_d72]

I'm so sorry for your loss, and your treatment, that's not on at all. I can't help you with the gestation as I was a little further along at 20wks but I don't believe it should make a difference - this was your baby and you should have been consulted on your wishes. The nurses even talked to me about showing the boys to our 8yr old DD and recommended it (which we did in the end) so there is no way they should have taken the decision out of your hands whether to see your own son or not.

I'm glad you got to find out he was a boy, at least, but even that wouldn't have been done if you hadn't gone and requested your records, it's shocking.

If it helps any I would say that at an early gestation they have no fat so look like tiny wee people not babies really, with shut eyes and no hair, so maybe you can visualise him looking like a tiny version of your OH? My boys looked like tiny versions of their Daddy, it was amazing to see them kind of how they would have been as men, but in miniature, though so sad. That maybe sounds nuts but thought it may help you to think of what he would have looked like, I hope it doesn't upset you more. I'm so sorry they denied you that right. xxx

 

[Imalia]

I was 20 weeks but our son was the size of a 14 weeks baby due to IUGR, and we were allowed to see him.

 

[mhazzab]

Honeybee, I can't really help as my girls were born at 23w so further on than you. I didn't want to read and not reply. I just wanted to say I'm so sorry for your loss and for how you were treated.

I can see how you would have trouble resolving your grief as I know that seeing my girls and having a funeral for them helped me.

It's awful that you don't know what happened to your son, you have been treated terribly. are the hospital just ignoring your questions?

xx

 

[SarahJane]

I am so sorry for what you have been through, the way you were treated is totally unacceptable at any gestation and I would make a massive complaint in your position. The way they have treated both you and your baby is disgraceful and I pray that you get some answers and are able to grieve for your gorgeous little boy.

I was later at 22+5 but regardless of the number of weeks you should have been offered the chance to see and hold your baby and you should know where he is now. Your story makes me both angry and very sad in equal measures, hugs hun xxxx

 

[Mellybelle]

If you asked to see your baby, then you should have seen your baby. I lost my little girl at 13+4, the nurse took her away immediately, and then wonderful Dr in ED asked us if we wanted to see her. She then explained exactly what she looked like, before they brought her to us. It really did help with the healing, as I have always regretted not giving birth to my son at 15wks (he died at 14+1)
If I were you I would continue to write letters of complaint to the hospital. You need and apology and some answers.

 

[glbell920]

I completely understand how you feel. I lost my first child at 12 weeks. I was sent to the ER and passed my baby in one of the holding rooms. I asked if I could see my baby and the staff lied and said they couldn't see the baby since he was so small. Later I found out that my mom saw and didn't realize that I had been refused the chance to see my baby. After miscarrying in the ER I had to stay in the hospital for 3 days due to fever and infection. I was treated just like any other patient. No one seemed to sympathize with me or show any compassion for what I was going through. It was like my baby had never existed. I left the hospital with nothing to show for all the love I had for my baby and all the pain I had just went through. They just wheeled me through the hospital and dropped me off and the curb and sent me home.

I was just like you...left with no answers. I was angry. I went to the hospital too to get my records trying to get answers. The doctors didn't seem to know anymore than I did. They just kept saying sometimes miscarriage happens. I just couldn't believe that I could lose my baby with no explaination. The hospital records didn't help either. Whatever they tested for came back normal. They didn't disclose the sex of the baby or anything. At some point I just had to accept that I wouldn't ever know. That was three and half years ago. I just lost another baby at 15 weeks last week....same thing. No answers. I did get a chance to see my baby and spend time with him after he was born. The staff was much better too which made a world of difference. I was provided the option to see him and was reluctant at first. The social worker and nurse on duty encouraged me to see him and I'm so thankful for their advice. I have wonderful memories of his birth that I wouldn't have had otherwise.

I am so sorry you had to go through this and pray somehow you are able to find peace.

 

[emk10]

The care you received is appalling and I would certainly take the complaint further. They cannot get away with treating someone like that, especially after what you had just gone through.

I was able to see Emilia (I was a day short of 19 weeks) however she also had IUGR so was tiny but perfectly formed. The care I received was second to none and I cannot imgaine for the life of me being treated any other way. Its disgusting x x x x

 

[babylou]

I am shocked at your treatment. You should take this further, they should not get away with this.

We were asked before Samuel was delivered whether we would want to see him, and asked them to advise us after delivery.

After delivery they carefully advised that it would not be appropriate , but we were given a beautiful little box containing some keepsakes, and a card with his hand and footprints in. I have only looked in the box twice since (it's still sooooooo hard to take it all in )

Samuel was born at 15/16 weeks.

So sorry about your bad experience.

xx

 

[amotherslove]

honestly.. i would fi1nd out the laws in your area.. and if they violated them.. sue. sue them hard. i would.. my hospital gave me the option to keep my 10week baby when i lost her at 12 weeks.. she has been cremated.. i am so sorry a hospital would do this...