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How it feels to be an ltttc'er...

Blue12

icsi miracle xo
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A poem that I came across kind of explains what it feels like to struggle with infertility... The poem isn't meant to be about this but it struck me so hard. Hopefully everyone eventually makes it to Italy... But if they don't I hope they enjoy Holland. I know I lived a very long time waiting for Italy to come.

by Emily Perl Kingsley (c1987 by Emily Perl Kingsley. All rights reserved.)
I am often asked to describe the experience of raising a child with a disability – to try to help people who have not shared that unique experience to understand it, to imagine how it would feel. It’s like this…
When you’re going to have a baby, it’s like planning a fabulous vacation trip – to Italy. You buy a bunch of guide books and make your wonderful plans. The Coliseum. The Michelangelo David. The gondolas in Venice. You may learn some handy phrases in Italian. It’s all very exciting.
After months of eager anticipation, the day finally arrives. You pack your bags and off you go. Several hours later, the plane lands. The stewardess comes in and says, “Welcome to Holland.”"Holland?!?” you say. “What do you mean Holland?? I signed up for Italy! I’m supposed to be in Italy. All my life I’ve dreamed of going to Italy.”
But there’s been a change in the flight plan. They’ve landed in Holland and there you must stay.
The important thing is that they haven’t taken you to a horrible, disgusting, filthy place, full of pestilence, famine and disease. It’s just a different place.
So you must go out and buy new guide books. And you must learn a whole new language. And you will meet a whole new group of people you would never have met.
It’s just a different place. It’s slower-paced than Italy, less flashy than Italy. But after you’ve been there for a while and you catch your breath, you look around … and you begin to notice that Holland has windmills … and Holland has tulips. Holland even has Rembrandts.
But everyone you know is busy coming and going from Italy … and they’re all bragging about what a wonderful time they had there. And for the rest of your life, you will say “Yes, that’s where I was supposed to go. That’s what I had planned.”
And the pain of that will never, ever, ever, ever go away … because the loss of that dream is a very, very significant loss.
But … if you spend your life mourning the fact that you didn’t get to Italy, you may never be free to enjoy the very special, the very lovely things … about Holland.
 
I think that's a lovely way to look at it all.
 
Thank You... I may not be like the other ladies who are still waiting for their first, but waiting to carry to term the last is just as hard...10 years and 5 m/c's later it has become like the author's trip to Holland, but like she said--I'm learning that "Holland" has some beautiful things to behold that took me a long time to wake up and see...

I wish you all a safe journey to "Italy"...may all your dreams come true! <3
 

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