How much has your life changed?

[cherryorange]

Hiya teen mommies and mommies to be!
I guess I sorta fit into this catagory being 18, but not really as I'm actually TTC.
anyways, just wanted to ask from the people who have been through it all ..
How has your baby changed your life? and just how do you find it all I suppose.
I guess I just want a bit of help persuading me that I am doing the right thing here, because I know Im still very young, but me and OH just want to start our family, it just seems right.
Look forward to hearing from you x

 

[Serene123]

Without sounding like a hypercrit or nasty, I'm 19, and if I were you I would wait a couple of years x

 

[AppleBlossom]

I agree with Toria, I would wait. Only because from personal experience (I'm 19) it has drastically changed my life and although I love my baby to bits if I could go back to before I got pregnant I would definately have taken a lot more care x

 

[Serene123]

I guess I should add why I feel you should wait. You are probably ready to start a family, and you are probably financially stable if you're considering having a baby but you can do SO MUCH with your life and your babies will still be there when you've done so many things. If that makes sense. Enjoy having baths alone, sleeping through the night, and only having to think about yourself x

 

[AppleBlossom]

I guess I should add why I feel you should wait. You are probably ready to start a family, and you are probably financially stable if you're considering having a baby but you can do SO MUCH with your life and your babies will still be there when you've done so many things. If that makes sense. Enjoy having baths alone, sleeping through the night, and only having to think about yourself x

Completely agree. A baby is a nice idea when you're younger but believe me, you can't even begin to imagine how hard it is to look after them

 

[cherryorange]

Wow thanks guys, really appreciate the honest advice.
I do realise I am still very very young but I cant help that feeling that we just dont want to wait any longer But I guess some talking needs to be done! x

 

[Jkelmum]

At 14 I had jake my life changed completley , i could no longer go out with friends unless I had a baby sitter which was about once a month i could no longer have a bath in peace , I lost a lot of friends as they wasnt at same stage as me it got very lonely , On the other hand would I change a thing ? Nope Jake is the first best thing that happened to me I grew up fast yes but he kept me on the straight and narrow to be honest I think if i hadnt have had him I wouldnt be here today he was the one thing that was stable in my life he gave me unconditional love ...would I advise any 14 yr to have a baby NO ...but a 18yr old who is prepared for the long nights the lonelyness while OH is working the constant crying the cant go for a wee without hearing a scream then go for it ...motherhood is the hardest most rewarding job out there if your up for the hard work then go for it
hugs serina xxx

 

[AppleBlossom]

If you definately know you are ready for it then no one will stop you. Just think long and hard before you make a decision. I wish I'd had someone to tell me what it was really like. Good luck either way x

 

[Luhweez]

im 18 and ust had my first, to be honest my life hasnt changed much at all except ive this amazing little baby to look after, fair enough i cant go out with my friends as much as i used to, but its ok, when i do get out and see them its better, although i would wait a few years.

 

[leeanne]

I am by far not a teen mom. But I will tell you that I didn't have my kids until I was in my 30's.

Honestly, I lived my life, dated, had my partying years, got my college education under my belt and had my work experiences. Not all was great but I am glad I experienced all of it before having kids.

Children are very rewarding and a wonderful addition to your life, but they are a lot of hard work and your time is no longer your time and financially, children can make it hard.

I would seriously think about waiting a few years. You have a lot of years ahead of you to have kids.

 

[lesleyann]

im 17 and i have not had my baby yet but i have alot of friends who have... and almost everything you do changes, you and your parners alone time becomes a couple of hours at night when baby is asleep.. you can not just suddernly think we will go out for the night because you have to find a baby sitter and afford it.. almost everything you do you have to plan well in advance to sort out a sitter for the baby or how you are going to do this with the baby, and of course we all know baby cost alot of money

 

[traceydixon78]

I'm not a teen - and actually, had I had a baby at 17 or 18, I could, I suppose be a grandmother now. (gulp!)

I am glad that I have my education, I have a good career, as does my husband and we make good money. Being pregnant has not been stressful at all. Just last night we bought our crib, glider and other nursery furnishings. The price tag did not mean anything to us. We were able to provide for this baby in exactly the way we want to - without worrying about budget. If I hadn't done the other stuff first, we'd be relying on second hand offerings, Value Village and other second hand stores.

I'm not saying that's a bad thing.

I am saying that I have had more fun shopping for my baby than I've maybe ever had doing anything else my entire life. And, for me, waiting was worth it.



(Now, please note - I don't recommend waiting this long, and it was never my intention. We found out when I was 28 that getting pregnant was going to be a huge challenge for me)

 

[xKimx]

well i would deffinetly wait i love my LO LOADS but i wish sometimes i could just go out and be by myself or just be able to spend a whole day with my OH , we hardly ever spend time togeither now , but im not telling you not to go for it

 

[ajarvis]

Well here I come the odd ball

I had my son at 23 I'm pregnant with my 2nd and will be 26 when it's born. I wish I'd started a little earlier. Then my kids would be older, and I'd be younger when they move out my parents had kids young and when we all left home they were in very early 40s and are having a lot of fun again

 

[nikky0907]

I'd say you wait.
In general my life hasn't changed that much as it changes for many teens (I was 18 when I got pregnant and am 19 now).
I had my own roof over my head and I'm still attending university (although from home now).

But my life made a 180 turn! It now revolves around my daughter 24/7,plus it makes all the other things that you want to do much harder.
I honestly think you need to enjoy your life more before this HUGE life-long commitment!
You do really lose your freedom and at this age you hadn't had it for that long.

xxx

 

[nightkd]

I'm following this thread as I'm 18 and we're thinking about TTC soon... I wanted to have kids young, because then I could still run about with them and we'd connect better (on some levels) with less of an age gap.. And I could have more kids at a reasonable age still... Ideally... But some of the girlies comments on here have highlighted some of my concerns on a more realistic level (rather than my "it'll be hard...but we'll cope!" thoughts..) so I think I'd rather wait, at least until I'm NOT feeling those concerns as much.

I don't think it is right to start TTC if you're particularly concerned about something...of course you're never completely ready to have kids, but I think it's best to get as far towards 'ready' as you can, before you start. I don't want to regret having my kids on any level and I think at the moment, some regrets might niggle at my mind, because I haven't really done much yet.

xxx

 

[pennysbored]

When I was 17 I got pregnant and was going to keep it. I miscarried at 12 weeks, and although it was heartbreaking (sometimes it still gets me!) I'm glad that I got to live a little in my adult years. I got alot of things out of my system, went to college, did a little travelling, built up my resume, took part in projects and activities that I would have never been able to if I had had that LO.
I feel so much more prepared now, and I have more life experience to pass onto my lo. Also, I know this sounds cynical, but I also have been in more relationships since then. Who I thought was the perfect guy to do it with, wasn't. And now, because I have had that relationship experience, I am also more prepared to offer my child a family.

 

[princess_x0]

Hey
I'm not a mum or pregnant but I thought I would add my opinion in too
I'm 17 and I have just come out of my first serious relationship. We thought we were stable and we had spoken about the big 'What if I got pregnant' coz as we all know birth control isn't totally fool proof. We both said whatever happens, happens, we agreed we would keep the baby and we would be fine.
Ironically in June I found out I was pregnant, I was so happy, but my ex wasn't on the same page as me. After a long fight I eventually caved in and had a termination. I didn't want that in the slightest and I still regret it very much.
But on the other hand, I know if I would have kept that child, I would have still split with the father and things wouldn't have been good. I couldn't give that child what it needed, I wouldn't have been able to provide as good as I could in the future and give that child stability. In a way I am glad I didn't go through with the pregnancy as I am still young and I still have my whole life in front of me. I have alot of things to do, and with a baby my plans would be impossible. I would by now be a single-mum-to-be, with nothing to offer my baby.
I now know that when I do have kids, I want to have got things out of my system, lived a little before settling down.
If your having doubts I would stick to contraception until you are absolutely 120% certain it is what you and your OH wants. I know not every man is like my ex, but you never know how exactly they are going to react until the time comes.

 

[soliloquise]

At 14 I had jake my life changed completley , i could no longer go out with friends unless I had a baby sitter which was about once a month i could no longer have a bath in peace , I lost a lot of friends as they wasnt at same stage as me it got very lonely , On the other hand would I change a thing ? Nope Jake is the first best thing that happened to me I grew up fast yes but he kept me on the straight and narrow to be honest I think if i hadnt have had him I wouldnt be here today he was the one thing that was stable in my life he gave me unconditional love ...would I advise any 14 yr to have a baby NO ...but a 18yr old who is prepared for the long nights the lonelyness while OH is working the constant crying the cant go for a wee without hearing a scream then go for it ...motherhood is the hardest most rewarding job out there if your up for the hard work then go for it
hugs serina xxx

serina just wanted to say that was a beautiful post and how much i admire you. without sounding too much like a patronising old fart, you sound mature and clued up. well done

sam xx

 

[littlestar]

i can throw both views at you:

My mum had me at 17, she and my dad are still together, although times were hard and financially we did struggle as i was growing up having me young made them grow up fast. My mum and dad had few qualifications betweens them and both working in factories at the time. Now both me and my brother have grown up and moved out she now has a successful career and is close to completing her HNC (higher national Diploma - university level qualification) i am so proud of her.
As a treat this year me and hubby took them away to France for a holiday, it was my mums first time out of the UK. i did feel that this experience should have been the other way round but it was exciting all the same.
My Mum and Dad missed out on those kinds of experience's due to having me young and not being able to afford those kinds of things.

Needless to say having learnt from my mums experience it was nailed into me to enjoy my life a bit first, so having travelled a bit, had a few not so good relationships, went to uni got married brought a house (Mum & Dad didn't buy a house til i was 18 ), got a career and some stability which brings me to where i am today. I'm 28 and have been trying for 9 months and i'm awaiting referral to a specialist to see why i'm not ovulating. the other factor is this equation is the male factor - i would of happily had children at 26/26 but hubby was not ready for this experience it's only recently as his work colleagues are growing into fathers that he realises it's not so bad and we made the decision to go for it. In hindsight if i'd know we would have issues we'd have started earlier.

here's me gabbling on, whatever you choose chick your life with your partner is totally YOURS and only together can you be happy that you've made the right choice.