How often does your Teenage daughter date? Normal?

[seoj]

I guess this seems a silly question- but just curious if I'm the ONLY one that finds my SD dating life a tad much...

I've lost track of how many boys she's liked, dated, gone on dates with or been bf/gf with from 9th to 11th grade... IS that normal? Do kids really date that much or go from bf/gf to another bf/gf that quickly? I know it's more common than when I was in school- boys were shy, I rarely got anything but an occassionaly quick stare! LOL. And, I can't really compare me to her- I wasn't boy crazy and only maybe went out with 4 boys through high school till I was 17 and met my first real boyfriend... plus, I was more shy (when it came to boys), while she is very outgoing and assertive

Just to clarify- she wasn't allowed to go out on dates alone (one-on-one) till this year (she's 16 now). Before she did group dates and prior only school events and things of that nature like school dances with a boy... although she would of loved to have boyfriends when she was in middle school- she's been boy crazy long as I've known her since she was barely 9yrs. And we have her full time- and have an open and honest relationship- so I know it all. lol.

I was giving her a hard time about it the other day- cause she's JUST broken up with her b/f and was asking to go on a date with some other boy that next weekend... so, I say, "why don't you just be on your own for a while?" and a family member commented that "it's totally normal at that age"... but personally, maybe because it wasn't for me, I don't find it normal to always want to be (or need to be) in a relationship or liking or chatting or dating someone... I think it's good to just be single. Period. Have that time on your own and with your girlfriends- especially when your young!

To be fair- I know adults that are the same way...

 

[bumpbear]

I dont have teenage children but my younger sister just turned 17 (i am 33 so am 16 years older and a bit of a mother figure to her). A handful of her friends started going out with boys at around age 15, but they seemed to pick a boy they liked and stuck with them. Most of them are only just starting to get in to relationships now and they seem like more 'long term, steady boyfriend-girlfriend' type relationships than dating. I should add that she went to a girls school, so not the greatest of opportunities to meet many different boys there anyway. She's now at a mixed-sex sixth form which is where her friends are meeting their boyfriends.

My sister isnt allowed to date! I'd disapprove if she did now as I feel she is too young though I know it would be totally normal if she had a boyfriend and maybe a few ex boyfriends too! But we're a conservative family and she knows she should be concentrating on studies and friends right now.

Having said that, I started dating my DH when we were 17, so I dont know why I am so orthodox when it comes to my baby sister. ha! Im such a hypocrite!

 

[messica]

I don't have teenage children yet either, but I remember being one lol

I was definitely boy crazy so I sympathize with her there, but my parents answer to that was to keep me busy with other things. It really did work and I'm glad because looking back on those years now I have wonderful varied memories of doing a lot of awesome things as opposed to a string of long forgotten stupid boys. I could have easily occupied my time with just boys and boys alone, I'm so grateful my parents had more clarity than I did at that point to steer me in a different direction.

I definitely plan to do the same with both my son and daughter. We will encourage them to play sports, be in band, go to related camps, go out with friends, focus on acts of service, working, and investing in family time both immediate and extended etc.


As a mother I would be uncomfortable with what she's doing too. Although it's great you're trying to look at things from all angles but please honor your gut feeling on this. If it doesn't necessarily sit right you have every right to ask her to scale back regardless of what your family member said or what society says is normal. Do what you think is best, and ask for her cooperation in a gentle and honest conversation that explains why.

Good on ya for caring so much, far too many parents today would just brush it off as the way things are and never think about it twice

 

[RachA]

I don't have teenagers yet but am close to my sister who has girls who are 12 & 15. Neither are overly interested in boys yet. They go to a mixed school and they have male cousins that they are close to so to them boys just aren't interesting lol.

I wouldn't be happy with my kids going from one g/f or b/f to the next.
To me it depends on what they mean by dating. To me dating is going out with a boy, holding hands and kissing. For me to get to the kissing point I'd have to of been seeing the boy for a number of weeks.
If she's seeing boys but nothing us happening between them then it wouldn't bother me as much.

 

[seoj]

Well, I know for sure (because we talk openly) that she's kissed all her "boyfriends"- but it's not gone past hand holding, kisses and maybe snuggling. We don't allow her to be alone in a house with any of these boys- she knows the rules and boundaries... and our limits are much more than most of her friends parents. Sometimes I have to cringe when she tells me what her friends are allowed to do with boys- like being alone in a house together etc... so it could ALWAYS be worse. LOL. At least she's never been too serious with any boy being that she's still so young...

It's really more so the amount of boys she's liked and dated and had as her "boyfriend"- even if it was all more innocent.

I just worry that this is something that she'll carry through life and go from b/f to b/f and not just BE... I see it with other adults I know and know they were similar when they were younger.

I am also very open with her on my feelings- and she says she will try to just go on dates more first- and not like "date" a boy for a week and then say they are b/f g/f. LOL. But- we shall see...

I guess all I can do is trust my gut- keep that line of communication open and know that because she is only 16 and does value our opinions that we can make the call and say no to dating so much. I've yet to really do that because she is such a good student- driven- and we trust her and she's such a good teenager, if this is our only real issue, then we consider ourselves lucky But, we still need to be comfy with her dating too.

Thanks everyone for your thoughts! I appreciate it.

 

[RachA]

I love that the communication is so open between you
I would imagine it must be hard being a teen and not getting caught up with what others are doing. I would say in a lot of circles it's normal to kiss a lot of boys but it's not something I'd like. However I'm coming from a background of having kissed relatively few boys in my time (about 7 or 8 between being 15 & 25)

 

[River54]

I have a teen daughter who is 17, but she doesn't have a b/f. What her and her group of friends (guys and girls) typically do, is if one likes someone, they invite them to hang out with them all for a bit, and then they get to see if they really like them, or it was just a passing thing. Consequently, the ones of the group that do have b/f g/f, are in more of a steady relationship. Sometimes, it is going to the movies all together, or with a smaller group, or just hanging out at lunch.
DD, doesn't like alot of the guys at her school - the ones she kinda likes are too immature she says, though she did have a crush on one for a bit, but that guy had a long distance relationship with someone else. etc. Then she liked another one, but he got into a relationship with someone else...

Maybe suggest to her to go out with the guy she likes with a couple friends? Then it is easier to see if she really likes him, without any pressure of actually dating him.

 

[Caitie44]

If you'd like an opinion from a teen's perspective, here's mine! I'm 18 (about to turn 19) and I have to say that this behavior is pretty normal for us teens lol. In my experiences, when someone asked you out, you were immediately labelled boyfriend and girlfriend. Then came actually going out on a date, they'd inevitably break up, and then they'd have a new "boyfriend" or "girlfriend". Serious dating never really occurred to my friends until they were 17 or 18, and many of them now will go on dates with guys but not call the boys their boyfriends... If that makes sense!

You seem like you have the right mindset, however. My mom and I were always extremely open like you seem to be with your SD, so it's great to see that between you two. Many girls I know couldn't stand their mothers (or step-mothers), which is pretty shocking to me lol. I'd continue to be as open with her as possible. If you're truly concerned, just tell her. Make sure to word it in a way so she knows she still has your trust, you're just giving an opinion. I believe as long as it doesn't go past kissing, things should be alright! Too many girls nowadays are having sex way too early, and becoming teen moms (hello, prime example right here! )

TL;DR - To me it seems like she's just having innocent fun so long as she doesn't take it "too far".

 

[Yo_Yo]

I wasn't like that myself, but quite a lot of girls are at that age. It's all a bit of fun to them I guess discovering boys, getting taken out on dates etc.

God, I'm going to find that stage so hard!

 

[seoj]

Thanks so much everyone- I love all the different perspectives (and the teenage one too! nice to hear from other girls in that situation)- I was not boy crazy AT ALL really- most boys to me were not worth my time, LOL. But I know that's not the "norm" even when I was in High School...

I do have good communication with her- she absolutely knows my concerns. I don't keep that from her- we just talk it out and compromise when we can. but yea, I'm honest-- so is she when she doesn't agree! LOL.

I think as she get's older it will only get harder- especially when she does find a guy she dates long term- so I should count my blessings now! haha.

Thanks again I really appreciate it ladies!

 

[JASMAK]

Sucking my thumb, in fetal position, going to my 'happy place'

"This will not happen
This will not happen
This will not happen....."

Ok, denial is good. Its good.

 

[seoj]

Sucking my thumb, in fetal position, going to my 'happy place'

"This will not happen
This will not happen
This will not happen....."

Ok, denial is good. Its good.

If it were only THAT easy. I have thought of putting her in a bubble and keeping her locked in her room- but realistically, probably not the best answer!

My best friend who's son is 12 now also says he's NEVER going to date... buahaha.

 

[JASMAK]

My niece is dating right now....shes fifteen. Man....why cant she hate boys.