How to advise?

[Teri7489]

Edited

 

[mummytobe_93]

My friend is a first time mum who is suffering from PPD and anxiety and likes to ask advice. I'm happy to give her my thought based on how I bring up my two children but its becoming very frustrating. She is finding it overwhelming so is asking lots of people their advice (which is exactly what I did first time round) and has fallen in to the trap of trying old fashioned advice. Now at 4 months old is taking roughly 18oz milk a day, and is now having 3 jars of food for 7month plus. He also sleeps in his own room on a pillow.

First time round I listened to all the old wives tales and tried some of them, and I don't think much would have convinced me not to try them simply to get some sleep. So how do I advise her? I don't agree with her choices for my children, but I worry about her baby. I also don't want to upset her and exacerbate her anxiety. She's a lovely person, a great mummy and has simply gone down the route I think most new mums do. I just think the choices she has made could have a big impact on her little one. Help please. She asks my opinion every day based on what kind of night she had with her baby xxx

Honestly I would just be open or maybe find articles on Facebook about safe sleeping/ early weaning and share them or tag them in them so it's not you directly telling her?
She should know about the weaning because all health visitors tell you not to wean your baby before 6 months.

I would definitely say the biggest issue is the pillow, if the baby is in his or her own room that's fine although not recommended but being in there with a pillow is w big no no!! And I would seriously just come outright in the nicest way possible and say that it's not recommended until the baby is 2 because they can suffocate. I would rather say something Then something bad happen. Or once again find an article and send it to her xx

 

[minties]

Does she not have some sort of well child visits with a doctor or a nurse? They would be giving all the modern advice to a new mum, at least around here, and ask how baby is sleeping and being fed etc. She might listen if it comes from a professional.

 

[Teri7489]

For some reason she doesn't trust them. She began weaning at 5 weeks as she was told her baby would sleep through the night if she did. He's still up 3 times per night so she's now stressed as it didn't work but is too scared to change it. I can see her stressing out in front of me but doesn't seem to take on what's said to her. I tried to say about the pillow and seemed to take it on, but next day ranted to me about how the HV had a go at her about the pillow and she told them well he's her baby. I want to say to her either ask advice and take it on board or don't ask really, but in a nice way. If that makes sense? I know the overwhelming feeling and sheet desperation but I think this is further than I ever experienced

 

[staralfur]

If she asks for your opinion then I think you're probably okay just giving it straight.

Tell her that milk has more calories and nutrients than baby food and will keep her baby full longer, but that it's still perfectly normal for babies that age to wake for milk during the night. It's just part of the job.

As for the pillow, I'd just point out that it's a safety issue. Maybe find an article online to show her. Say something like "you're always asking for advice so I figured I'd look up some things for you to help you out" or something that shows you're trying to make a nice, helpful gesture rather than telling her she's doing something wrong.

 

[Teri7489]

Thanks for the help ladies. Will deff look in to sending some articles to her. I don't want to cause her more stress but don't want anything to happen to her gorgeous wee guy x

 

[kellyc1987]

I would probably say something like "I was thinking about what the HV said to you about the pillow (for example) the other day... And then give your advice.

I know this goes against what everyone else is saying but if she is absolutely determined to use a pillow then maybe suggest the clevamama baby pillow which is suitable from birth, at least that might be a little bit safer if you can't talk her out of using one.