How to convince OH that I want a home birth?

[Tjkitty]

I really think I want a home birth, but my husband is set against it. He says that I need to be in hospital incase something goes wrong. My first labour was quick and straight forward (3 hours active labour).
He thinks it will be too messy and will end up costing money, hiring pools, buying supplies.
Any advice I can use to persuade him?

 

[Mummy2Corban]

Hey honey, I'm pregnant with my third and I'm hoping for a home birth. My oh is not so keen. His worried about things going wrong but says he will support my decision if that's what I chose. I tell him that I'm sure the midwife would send us to hospital at the first sign she thought something could be wrong. Plus we are only about a 15-20 car journey from our hospital... Less at night. I hope you can sway him to your way of thinking.

Xxx

 

[Tjkitty]

Thank you, I think part of the problem is that the hospital we were going to go to is 45 min away. There is a closer one, about 25 min, but it doesn't have a good reputation.

 

[Mummy2Corban]

It sounds like second or subsequent labours go more smoothly at home. I'm sure if a midwife was in anyway concerned she would send you to the hospital. Could you take oh to see your midwife to talk about it. I think you have to labour so it should be your choice. I can understand there worries but we do the work! Hehe!

I love the idea if all being well after birth I can shower and get in my bed with baby and sleep!

Xxx

 

[smallpeanut]

These helped my oh...

At home, you get one to one care. At hospital, you get a midwife split between several women. If something was to go wrong, it will be picked up straight away. Just because your at hospital, doesn't mean things get picked up. I had dd in hospital and we were left alone for most of my labour. If anything happened, no one would have known... With my ds, we went to hospital due to lack of movement. The crappy care we got was the cherry on top of the cake to bring my partner round to the idea of a home birth.

The fact you are at home! Partner can watch tv, eat food and get a take away. We had a good friend arrive with a mcdonalds an hour before he was born to keep oh happy lol.

My partner was against it. But he is now a huge advocate of home birthing. He loved the experience. So did I. Do it I was going to do it even if I didn't have oh on board. X

 

[Kess]

My DH was unsure to begin with, but I bought him the Fathers Homebirth Handbook which has all sorts of studies quoted in there showing HB is safe for normal pregnancies, in fact some studies show it to be safer than hospital. There are also little bits in the book from Dads whose babies were born at home, and their views on it, which I think can help some men get more comfortable with the idea. My Dad was also unsure (when I told him I was planning a HB he asked where the ambulance would be lol) but I quoted bits from the book to him too and he settled down, and in fact attended the birth along with my Mom, sister and DH.

My DH is now absolutely certain he wants us to have a HB for any subsequent children, as am I, and credits the HB with the fact he was so confident so quickly with LO.

 

[Feronia]

Let your DH know that home birth with a midwife is as safe or safer than hospital births for women who are considered low-risk. There are plenty of studies to back this up (e.g. one recently that looked at almost 18,000 births in the US with CPMs). Midwives are well trained to recognize abnormal signs and transfer you early.

Have him look into it. My midwife put together an annotated guide to the home birth literature here: https://midwifery.ubc.ca/files/2014/01/HomeBirth_AnnotatedGuideToTheLiterature.pdf

Also, I know of many husbands that have come around to the idea after watching The Business of Being Born (you can find this on Youtube), but also know that ultimately it is your decision where you want to birth.

 

[smallpeanut]

Awwww the couple we leant our pool to had their baby today. Perfect homebirth. Her partner wasn't in to it, but my other half was his support and advice go to guy. Now we have another advocate of homebirth yay!

 

[BunnyN]

I found the info on this site helpful to share with OH. The "what if" section convinced OH and to some degree me about the safety of HB.

https://www.homebirth.org.uk/

 

[ttc bubby no2]

My hubby was a bit unsure at first but once he met our midwife he felt better about it. After the birth he said how much more relaxed he was being in his own home not being told what to do and where to stand.

There wasn't really any mess, it all went in the pool and then that water went out on the lawn (we had some great lawn that year). Our midwife provided us with the pool but we also hired her so there was some cost with that. It was hard to justify the cost at first because we could have used the free public hospital like the first time but it was totally worth it.

Good luck convincing him

 

[BunnyN]

Sorry for some reason the link didn't show on my last post. I've added it now.

 

[Tjkitty]

Thanks everyone. We have the midwife next Monday, so hopefully she can convince him!

 

[lovelylaura]

The best thing for my husband was the midwife saying how good they are, so if you can get him to one of your apps! Also the promise of a takeaway after and he can watch tv! I also did the 'well im the one pushing it out so tough!' thing haha. Also i'm in lincs too and ive had brilliant support so far.

 

[BunnyN]

I think HB is much nicer for dads too. They get to be a lot more of a part of the birth and in their own surroundings. OH was unsure to start with but after having experienced it he'd never want anything else.

 

[Tjkitty]

Had the midwife today! She really puts his mind at rest and he is on board! Now he just has to worry about my mum gatecrashing! So pleased!