How to deal with not getting a Homebirth?

[Irish Eyes]

Ever since we started TTC I've always known that I wanted a homebirth. I haven't really enjoyed being pregnant but the thought of a homebirth has kept me going.

I have a 3rd S&S tomorrow but then I'm being induced on Tuesday and I can't seem to get over how devastated I am that it will be the medicated, intrusive, invasive birth that I never wanted. People keep making comments such as "well at least the baby will be here safely" and I know that's true but just the thought of going to hospital makes me cry. I feel like I'm completely sinking into a depression and no-one understands how important this was for me. I'm no longer looking forward to having this baby, I have so many thoughts that the birth will be so horrendous I won't be able to bond with the baby.

Has anyone else felt that desperation to homebirth and not been able to?

 

[booflebump]

What's the reason for induction on Tuesday? Remember, you have the right to refuse any intervention you don't want xxx

 

[Irish Eyes]

My MW has said that it's not safe to continue the pregnancy on too long over the 40 weeks and the baby is showing absolutely no signs of coming xx

 

[booflebump]

If homebirth is something you really want, then maybe take the next few days to do your research. A lot of woman are opting to continue their pregnancies in to the 43rd week - it's a case of weighing up all the information and deciding what is going to be the best option for you and your baby.

This is a useful FB page with lots of articles regarding going past your 'due date' https://www.facebook.com/TenMonthMamas

xxx

 

[disneyleanne]

If there is no way of avoiding induction then I think you need to make your hospital birth as much like home as possible. I understand this is difficult but you still have all the same rights that you had at home. Take some personal items from home to make the room seem more friendly, refuse any other intervention that you are not comfortable with. Insist on delayed cord clamping if this is what you wish and bring your baby to your chest yourself, so your hands are the first to touch your baby. Have the lights in the room dimmed and ask anyone who is entering to knock first(they should do this automatically but sadly often they don't), ask for the midwives to use calm, low voices so as not to disturb you.

It will require more planning on your part but you can still have a fantastic experience. You are in control of your own birth, just view the induction as a little bump in the road.

Best of luck xx

 

[Irish Eyes]

If homebirth is something you really want, then maybe take the next few days to do your research. A lot of woman are opting to continue their pregnancies in to the 43rd week - it's a case of weighing up all the information and deciding what is going to be the best option for you and your baby.

This is a useful FB page with lots of articles regarding going past your 'due date' https://www.facebook.com/TenMonthMamas

xxx

Thank you so much for this! My husband is being as supportive as he can but with the midwife constantly saying about issues that start coming up to 42 weeks, it's been hard for him to keep supporting a HB, hopefully this would help. I had no idea about half the information that's on there! xx

 

[Irish Eyes]

If there is no way of avoiding induction then I think you need to make your hospital birth as much like home as possible. I understand this is difficult but you still have all the same rights that you had at home. Take some personal items from home to make the room seem more friendly, refuse any other intervention that you are not comfortable with. Insist on delayed cord clamping if this is what you wish and bring your baby to your chest yourself, so your hands are the first to touch your baby. Have the lights in the room dimmed and ask anyone who is entering to knock first(they should do this automatically but sadly often they don't), ask for the midwives to use calm, low voices so as not to disturb you.

It will require more planning on your part but you can still have a fantastic experience. You are in control of your own birth, just view the induction as a little bump in the road.

Best of luck xx

Thank you. I know I'm starting to feel intimidated about saying what I want to happen when I'm on "their territory" as silly as that probably sounds. There's so many things I want to happen and I'm worried that having gone through labour I won't have the strength to make sure it happens. I want delayed cord cutting, I don't want constant examinations, I don't want a MW or doctor announcing the sex etc.

You're right about how I need to view it! Need to find the strength from somewhere xx

 

[ZoeZo]

I really feel for you I have a fibroid and my MW has now said she classes me as high risk, that I should give birth in hospital and have managed third stage labour, all of which I don't want

They are the medical experts and of course you take their advice, trust them and it scares you when they say you need to do something, my OH was very supportive of HB and natural, but was 'sucked in' by the MW and consultant saying I should have the synometrine injection to expell the placenta, he doesn't understand when he's says 'it's just an injection, we don't want you to bleed'

I've always prepared myself to fight against 'overdue' induction too. Not easy when your head is telling you to listen to medical advice, but your heart says to trust your body. I hate all this '14 days overdue is the maximum our policies will 'let' you go...' etc

I really do feel for you, as I was so upset when they wouldn't support my HB (I haven't given up yet though!!) x

 

[Mervs Mum]

Fibroids are not a reason not to have a home birth. I've had a client who had a home birth and opted for a physiological third stage.

 

[Irish Eyes]

I really feel for you I have a fibroid and my MW has now said she classes me as high risk, that I should give birth in hospital and have managed third stage labour, all of which I don't want

They are the medical experts and of course you take their advice, trust them and it scares you when they say you need to do something, my OH was very supportive of HB and natural, but was 'sucked in' by the MW and consultant saying I should have the synometrine injection to expell the placenta, he doesn't understand when he's says 'it's just an injection, we don't want you to bleed'

I've always prepared myself to fight against 'overdue' induction too. Not easy when your head is telling you to listen to medical advice, but your heart says to trust your body. I hate all this '14 days overdue is the maximum our policies will 'let' you go...' etc

I really do feel for you, as I was so upset when they wouldn't support my HB (I haven't given up yet though!!) x

It must be difficult for our OHs, they want to support us but are told so many problems. I've had a few people even say to him "how can you let her have a homebirth?!" which made me so mad!

I spoke to my midwife about wanting to wait longer before being induced and she said that's fine but not for a homebirth, as soon as I'm 40 + 12 then I'm no longer suitable for a homebirth

Going to have to brief my husband on everything I want to make sure it happens even if I'm out of it

 

[booflebump]

...and she said that's fine but not for a homebirth, as soon as I'm 40 + 12 then I'm no longer suitable for a homebirth

There is no law stating that you aren't suitable for homebirth past 40+12....you aren't postdates till 40+14 and many woman have successful homebirths at dates past that. You don't have to be induced and you don't have to let them doing anything you don't want to if you are happy you and your baby are well

xxx

 

[MorganEvans]

I'm having my first baby and i'm not sure what i should go for. Going to the hospital would be a little bit safer with more people around.. But I'm so curious about homebirth option.

 

[aliss]

I'm having my first baby and i'm not sure what i should go for. Going to the hospital would be a little bit safer with more people around.. But I'm so curious about homebirth option.

The problem with having all those people around in the hospital is that you can end up with medical mismanagement which leads to problems that would have never happened. Pushy over shift changes, staff not communicating, etc. this is how my hospital birth went terribly wrong and why I chose a home birth the next time around.

Birth is not rocket science, you don't need so many people around - when things start to go wrong, they transfer you to the hospital.

 

[iceangel]

I'm gutted bout not getting my home birth.despite having an independent MW who is extremely supportive. Even waiting till 42 weeks for baby to come. But I'm glad we came to see a consultant at the hosp for a detailed scan. It revealed the lack of water around the baby, which is the reason why we are now going to be hopefully induced in hosp. I was adamant I wanted the baby at home & even considered carrying on with pregnancy.

I'd say follow ur heart but definitely go for a scan and monitoring after the 40 or 42 weeks. If we didn't, we wouldn't have known about the lack of water around our LO.

 

[Irish Eyes]

I ended up being induced & it was horrible. My contractions came on far too strong but because I was only 2cms I couldn't go to the labour ward & was offered paracetamol! My husband asked the MWs once an hour to check me as I was in so much pain but they were short staffed and would only check once every 4 hours. When I was checked I was 9cms & rushed to labour ward while pushing. There was no dignity, I had a basic sheet covering me through the wards. Luckily the MW in the labour ward was amazing & really helped me. Also I went home the same night so my husband was able to stay with me which was a big worry.

 

[hastbury]

I'm not at this stage yet but didn't want to read and run...I'm sorry to hear you had a stressful time being induced and hope you and LO are able to be enjoying being at home xx

 

[ZoeZo]

I'm gutted bout not getting my home birth.despite having an independent MW who is extremely supportive. Even waiting till 42 weeks for baby to come. But I'm glad we came to see a consultant at the hosp for a detailed scan. It revealed the lack of water around the baby, which is the reason why we are now going to be hopefully induced in hosp. I was adamant I wanted the baby at home & even considered carrying on with pregnancy.

I'd say follow ur heart but definitely go for a scan and monitoring after the 40 or 42 weeks. If we didn't, we wouldn't have known about the lack of water around our LO.

Sorry to hear your news just thought you might like to read the below about low amniotic fluid too

https://mamabirth.blogspot.com/2011/07/obstetric-lie-90-your-fluid-levels.html

 

[preg_pilot]

My MW has said that it's not safe to continue the pregnancy on too long over the 40 weeks and the baby is showing absolutely no signs of coming xx

I don't think she can say that, unless she knows for a fact that something is wrong...
A "normal" pregnancy can range anywhere from 38 to 42 weeks.
As long as you're being monitored, I see nothing wrong carrying past 40 weeks.
I am not a health expert though, just a person adamant about her own birthing experience.

 

[Irish Eyes]

My MW has said that it's not safe to continue the pregnancy on too long over the 40 weeks and the baby is showing absolutely no signs of coming xx

I don't think she can say that, unless she knows for a fact that something is wrong...
A "normal" pregnancy can range anywhere from 38 to 42 weeks.
As long as you're being monitored, I see nothing wrong carrying past 40 weeks.
I am not a health expert though, just a person adamant about her own birthing experience.

Hi, I went to 42 weeks for that reason but there was still no sign of baby so I was induced at that point. I too was adamant about my birthing experience but I guess some things can't be helped!

 

[preg_pilot]

My MW has said that it's not safe to continue the pregnancy on too long over the 40 weeks and the baby is showing absolutely no signs of coming xx

I don't think she can say that, unless she knows for a fact that something is wrong...
A "normal" pregnancy can range anywhere from 38 to 42 weeks.
As long as you're being monitored, I see nothing wrong carrying past 40 weeks.
I am not a health expert though, just a person adamant about her own birthing experience.

Hi, I went to 42 weeks for that reason but there was still no sign of baby so I was induced at that point. I too was adamant about my birthing experience but I guess some things can't be helped!

Yea. I agree at 42 weeks, something has to be done, but at 40 weeks, things should still be fine enough to not have to go in for an induction.
As long as one is being monitored, I don´t see anything wrong with carrying past 40 weeks.