How to help my 4 (and a half) year old son get better at making friends.

[_jellybean_]

At school, he has about three friends that he plays with daily, but his teachers agree that they would like him to play with more kids. He is shy and he tells me he feels like kids don't like him. Ugh this makes me feel just terrible Just a few things about us...we encourage him to be as independent as possible at home, and he does a lot of things by himself (self-care, etc.). We take him on play dates and he sees other kids in our family every weekend and even during the week. So it's not like he's not social, he is. And he's outgoing, etc. with them. He's into superheroes, and those kinds of things. He's bright--and has many interests. I just want him to be more confident.

My little girl is the complete OPPOSITE! And they're only one year apart !

 

[Parkep]

Ooo ill be watching this. My 6 year old moved to a new school this year, and is all of a sudden very shy. And not out going. Her sister is 5 and is very bubbly and outgoing. Not sure how to get her confidence up. My husband suggested a sports team.

 

[SarahBear]

You said he has 3 kids he plays with at school but that he needs to be better at making friends. Am I missing something? What's wrong with only playing with 3 kids? If he feels like other kids don't like him, I'd focus more on that. Why does he feel they don't like him? Is it because he lacks confidence around them or is it because he doesn't know how to properly interact? Or is there something else going on?

 

[Bex84]

To be honest I think 3 kids is plenty. Quality over quantity. My daughter is very shy (ignore ticker as needs updating, she is 5) what helped her was play dates .I organised at park so was in neutral environment and let her get to know child on one to one basis and then some at home. I really wouldent worry socially if has 3 friends ( before my los I was a reception and yr one teacher and really not sure what you child's teacher is worrying about) My daughter felt other children didn't like her and for her it was about she has speech delay and other children had cliques from before school from parents knowing each other. For her we roll played how she could ask people to play and how to respond to things as made her less anxious.

 

[_jellybean_]

Thanks, Bex We role play too and I think it helps. Great idea about the play dates. We had one not long ago, and then the child changed schools!

You said he has 3 kids he plays with at school but that he needs to be better at making friends. Am I missing something? What's wrong with only playing with 3 kids? If he feels like other kids don't like him, I'd focus more on that. Why does he feel they don't like him? Is it because he lacks confidence around them or is it because he doesn't know how to properly interact? Or is there something else going on?

I don't know...his teacher mentioned that she'd like him to play with more kids. I guess they all play with each other, but he's more particular about who he plays with. I don't think there's anything wrong with it, and she's not worried per say. He has mentioned that he sometimes feels like kids don't like him. I think he does lack self-confidence. We were thinking of having him start taking karate classes, but they're expensive. He's quiet a school, but the opposite at home (I have students whose parents say the same thing).

 

[Bex84]

My dd is the same. She actually tends to play with the older kids in the playground. We also had her best friend moving school. My dd is also happy to play on own. For confidence I just make sure to try build at home, she knows we are always her biggest cheerleaders. My dd sometimes says others don't like her but then they are shouting hello to her but think it may be she gets anxious. She is a lot more confident with adults.kids can be mean to and does knock confidence of child trying to join in.

 

[george83]

My son is 5 and has 4 friends that he plays with each day. I know it's nice if they can be confident around lots of people and interact with everybody in the class to some extent, but a small group of close friends is only natural

 

[Lynzeigh]

I would'nt worry 3 friends is more than enough, in real life even adults won't take to everybody in a group or class etc, my son is the same but he only likes one girl and is glued to her side and the teachers wants to encourage him to play with others which he is trying more to do, he is not shy though, the others are probably not his cup of tea! So I am not at all concerned

 

[Hieveryone]

My daughter is the same but is quite happy with a small group of friends. She tends to play with boys and struggles more with girls. When kids say hello to her or ask her to play she often just ignores them which is sooo frustrating! I cant work out whether its shyness or just her trying to get attention as she knows it winds me up. She's the same age. Sometimes I think I worry too much about it and other times I think it is right to worry as other girls her age seem so much better at mixing. I think all I can do is keep introducing her to new situations e.g school discos, birthday parties etc. Then arrange play dates once she settles at school and I know who she might like to meet up with. I will be stalking this post, good luck xx