How to help my friend succeed in BF?

[Palestrina]

Hello, my BFF just had a baby 2wks ago, she was 4wks early and though she latches she doesn't seem to get much. My friend BF her for a bit and then gives her expressed milk, and then formula if necessary. She's noticing that her supply is going down. I didn't have this particular problem so I don't know how to help her without being overbearing. I've told her to get rid of the bottles but she ignores that bit of advice since it makes her feel like it's starving the baby.

Unfortunately she lives with her mom and her mother never breastfed nor does she think BF is necessary. My friend feeds on a formula schedule and I fear that with her supply dwindling that the formula might be working its magic. Is there any way to help without being intrusive?

 

[kalyrra]

Well, maybe ask her if you can speak with her openly and honestly about it? Seems as though a direct but gentle approach may be best? Find out if she's truly interested in sticking with it and give your advice from there. Let her know that breastfeeding is very important but without criticizing her use of formula.

A lot of times, lack of interest in breastfeeding is due to lack of information on it. It's definitely the best (and obviously natural) route for babies. If she doesn't want to actually BF, but still wants to give expressed milk in a bottle, that is still much better than formula!

For supply issues, if she's giving formula then she may not be keeping up with pumping as much as she should be? If she's honestly concerned about her supply going down, tell her she needs to pump as often as the baby feeds. Even if it's with a "schedule" like formula, I would think she could still keep up with it. Demand = supply.

Also, she needs to drink plenty of water, as staying hydrated helps supply immensely! If she's super serious about keeping it up, then she can try fenugreek and make sure that she pumps 5-10 minutes after it seems like her breasts are empty... this will tell her body it needs to make more.

Hope this helps!

 

[CupcakeBaby]

Just give as much advice as you can.

But at the end of the day it's her baby and she's just been thrown into motherhood. So she needs to find what works for her.

My friend recently had a baby and said she was desperate to EBF so I have her all the advice I could.

But she just didn't feed frequently enough, have baby a dummy and kept giving a bedtime bottle as it meant he slept for 6 hours.

I tried as gently but thoroughly as I could to tell her these things would mean exclusively breastfeeding wouldn't happen but you have to step back eventually.

I didn't want to cross the line.

In case you're wondering - he's now exclusively formula fed.

 

[Palestrina]

Thanks for the input! I've actually given up and have decided that if she needs my help she'll ask for it. So far she has not asked for it so I don't want to cross any boundaries and sound like a boobie nazi to her. In fact I was just visiting with her yesterday and she was telling me how lucky she feels that her parents are helping her with feedings during the night so that she can sleep longer. That's totally not BF behavior so my suspicion is that she'll give up pretty soon, especially now that the baby is going through a growth spurt.

I think it's hard for me to watch the BF wane but it's really none of my business. I just can't identify with how she feels about it because for me, feeding was my job. I worked so so so so hard to establish BF and although I was extremely happy to accept help with bathing, diapers, swaddling, etc I accepted no help in feedings... I mean nobody else can BF for me. Also I think she wants her family to "bond" with her baby through feedings which is also a foreign concept for me.

She's my BFF and I respect her tremendously, I don't want her to feel funny with me around about formula because her circumstances are vastly different from mine, she has a completely different type of support system around her and I've realized that I'm not part of it.

 

[CupcakeBaby]

I could've written your post Hun.

It breaksy heart to see babies not BF - but - they're not my baby, it's not my business.

And it's not worth risking friendships over. xxx

 

[Palestrina]

Yea I don't want it to affect my friendship with her at all because I love her so much and I know she's going to be a great mommy. But parenting can really change a friendship so we'll see in the future how things go, sometimes I don't always get along with parents who raise their kids vastly different from mine.

I think it's ok to judge people, we all do it whether we want to admit it or not. The key is not to let it bother me or affect our friendship. But I'll be honest, it's hard for me to empathize with something I feel so storngly about. It's as if someone told me that they won't bother sending their LO to college. Of course that's their own perrogative but the idea is so unusual to me that I simply could never sympathize with that philosophy.