How to stop an over affectionate 4 year old kissing everyone, ideas anyone?

[whatwillbex]

She has always been over affectionate and when she's over excited the constant need to be in people personal space is just getting to much. She seems to not understand when people don't want to be hugged or kissed which is understandably. I'm worried for her as its affecting her making friendships by being to much and annoying her peers. We have had many a chats over the years about it but it's getting to the point where she is getting bit older now and start to understand. Just at a loose end on how to manage this behaviour as nothing seems to work. She really struggles with impulsiveness and says she can't help it and she loves them. Any ideas? X

 

[housewifey]

She sounds so sweet! It is lovely but I understand your concern, as someone who hates having people in my personal space (Even DH sometimes!) you're right to be teaching her to respect other peoples personal space.

I'd continue with the conversations about how some people don't like it and encourage her to maybe ask before acting, so if she's really excited and wants to hug/ kiss people remind her to say "Can I give you a hug?" "Is it okay if I kiss you?" and that if they say no she should make sure to listen to them.

She'll probably grow out if it I suspect but maybe try searching for a book about it, there must be one somewhere! Or you could also do some role play and turn it around on her, act out something that she may not like and talk about how it makes her feel when you do it anyway. She'll eventually transfer this into looking at situations from others perspectives and understanding their feelings.

Hope that helps x

 

[whatwillbex]

Thank you so much, I will try that and have another go with the role play. It's just in that moment there's no reasoning or listening from her. We have arranged for a health visitor to come out so fingers crossed we can get some extra help/ideas. Xx

 

[Dawnlouise30]

My son was the same..... It's finally starting to ease up though he does still do it sometimes (he is 5 in October), just with much less frequency than before.
I spoke about personal space with him. Did role play with him. Reminded him each time he did it that some people don't like it. Honestly I think it only changed as he matured a bit.
He remains impulsive over most things and that worries me but my health visitor isn't worried.
I think it's just a personality thing x

 

[luci and bump]

My DD was 5 in May, and she is just like this. She wants to hug and kiss everyone, and doesn't seem to take the cues that they don't want it. Even when I try and remind her that she mustn't force hugs and kisses on people, she finds it very hard to stop. Even when we're sitting on the sofa together, or laying in bed reading a story, she's constantly kissing my hand or my arm (it drives me crazy tbh!!) She's quite an over familiar child, she'll meet someone for 5 minutes and they're instantly her "best friend" and she literally will not leave them alone. I sometimes just have to physically remove her from the situation because she will not back off.

 

[whatwillbex]

Yes exactly pp haha. The arm and hand kissing all the time and has always done this. We have to remove her aswell because she gets that intense sometimes and just has stopped listening and just hanging off the other person. My dd reminds me of that little girl of despicable me who loves unicorns! x

 

[whatwillbex]

So my partner and I have always thought that dd is on the spectrum and displays many traits of asperges. We had the HV out to have a chat about the above and other sensory issues and dd was displaying all the traits in front of the HV but the lady said it's just part of her personality and she's fun and is a character. I suppose it's hard to explain and she only saw a snap shot of dd behaviour but we still have this gut instinct. The lady had 20 years experience in nursery work so she must know what the signs are. I don't won't to label dd or pigeon hole her but I feel if there is something and I turn a blind eye I don't won't her to struggle like I did. I am going to speak to my doctor about myself as I too appear to have a lot of the traits but didn't piece it all together till I started researching for dd. Shes starting school in September maybe it is just age related. Any one have any experience im this?

 

[AP]

My 8 year old is inappropriate with adults like this. She is on the spectrum and it’s very hard to teach not to

 

[Dawnlouise30]

My son is the same. Health visitor says it's just his personality I'm not sure. He is starting school next week and I figure if they have concerns we may finally get some more meaningful advice / ideas on how to help him. I hope that's the same for your daughter x

So my partner and I have always thought that dd is on the spectrum and displays many traits of asperges. We had the HV out to have a chat about the above and other sensory issues and dd was displaying all the traits in front of the HV but the lady said it's just part of her personality and she's fun and is a character. I suppose it's hard to explain and she only saw a snap shot of dd behaviour but we still have this gut instinct. The lady had 20 years experience in nursery work so she must know what the signs are. I don't won't to label dd or pigeon hole her but I feel if there is something and I turn a blind eye I don't won't her to struggle like I did. I am going to speak to my doctor about myself as I too appear to have a lot of the traits but didn't piece it all together till I started researching for dd. Shes starting school in September maybe it is just age related. Any one have any experience im this?

 

[whatwillbex]

The health visitor did say to mention it to her teacher about it as they will be able to help her develop these skills. On the flip side I don't want her being labelled before she has even started her school journey. DD also starts in two weeks time. Only Time will tell. Eeeek, can't believe they are starting school! X

 

[Bex84]

We talk about peoples personal bubble and how people dont always want to be hugged and to ask. My daughter is a hugger but we tell her she has to respect peoplws bubbles

 

[whatwillbex]

That's a nice thing to say. Did you find she got better when her brother came along?

 

[Bex84]

She had to be reminded to give him personal space at times but I think she is better now. She is now 6 (my tickers need to be updated) and she is much better at picking up social cues. She was only just 4 when started school so it was hard for her but she now has her friends she knows like hugs and knows who doesn't. She is very affectionate at home but not to same extent outside. Its only on occasion now we have to remind her not to squash her brother lol. Part of issue for daughter she had speech and language delay so hugs were part of her way of communicating. She is just a friendly soul who always has a smile on her face. Her brother is happy to let her get the love out and puts up with constant hugs though lol and she will stop when he tells her to.

 

[whatwillbex]

Naw she sounds like a sweetie xx