How to survive ttc after losses

[Trying4first1]

Hi ladies!

I know I do not belong here but I wonder if any of you could give me any advice?

I have had two MCs. The most recent was 5 months ago ending with a D&C. Me and DH have been trying ever since with no luck. I feel like AF is on the way yet again and I am feeling very down about it this cycle and have been tearful. I have been very strong and I am such a positive person, but this cycle has been the hardest so far. I'm guessing it's because my due date would have only been just over two months away and I was hoping to have fallen pregnant by then

How did you manage to keep sane during the time when waiting for another pregnancy. How long did it take? I know it's only been 5 months since the second MC but but we have been trying for 14 months now, which I know isn't that long I guess, it's just getting so tiring

Any advice will be much appreciated it's lovely to know that there are ladies such as yourselves that have pregnancies after a loss. It gives me so much hope

 

[firsttimer123]

Hey lady, I hVe a similiar situation as you and it was hard that we didn't conceive again quickly. I passed my would have been due date which was super hard but we got through it and are now pregnant (hopefully this is a sticky bean). After 6 months and not getting pregnant, I did go to a fertility Dr bc I wanted reassurance. Of course the month of my testing, we got pregnant with no assistance. Good luck, it will happen. I think some of us take a little longer to heal after the loss!

 

[Trying4first1]

Thank you so much for your reply firsttimer. It's good to know that it is normal for things to take some time after a loss. They say you are more fertile after a MC but I think it's a cruel myth. I guess I'm just used to falling quicker and I need to accept that it may take some time, my body prob took a couple of months just to settle down again. It's just so hard getting AF each month as its a reminder of it all.
Big congratulations on your pregnancy! It's lovely to hear that others have success after such a difficult time. Wishing you the best of luck and sticky bean vibes

 

[firsttimer123]

I know it's so hArd... I was in a group of ladies who kept coming to the forum after mc and would get pregnant right away. I think they tell us to wait 3 months bc some of our bodies truly need the time to heal. I really don't think I started ovulating until 5 months after my d&c. So makes sense things took a while, my cycles were a little wonky like 24-34 days, and usually I am super regular. So just keep trying every month, do opks and when your body is ready it will happen. Fingers crossed for you

 

[Trying4first1]

I bet that was really hard for you. I hear of it a lot and I'm like, but how? Like you say maybe that's why we are told to wait. I was told 1 cycle but I'm not sure I ovulated for the first two at least. The body goes through so much so I guess it's not surprising.
Yeah my cycles were a bit wonky but would say last cycle they seemed more back to normal. I ovulated earlier this cycle too on day 14-15 which has never happened. My LP is longer since my MC too which is positive.
Will def keep up with the OPKs. Not a fan of temping as it causes me to loose sleep. Me and DH tries to SMEP this cycle. So may continue with that for a bit.
Thank you

 

[Topanga053]

How did you manage to keep sane during the time when waiting for another pregnancy. How long did it take?

Hi Trying,

I'm so sorry you're going through this. I only had one early loss and that was difficult enough.

First, I'm honestly not sure that I DID stay sane while TTCAL. I took my miscarriage incredibly hard and every month of TTCAL without a BFP just made me more and more depressed. I met with a couple of therapists and started on anti-depressants just to try to cope. At rock bottom, I was suicidal, convinced that we'd never have a kid and depressed watching all of my friends get pregnant easily and have kids. I withdrew from a lot of my friends. It was a really dark time in my life, although the anti-depressants did eventually help take the edge off.

We got pregnant quickly with our miscarriage (2nd cycle), but it took a lot longer after my D&C to get pregnant again. We finally got pregnant 8 cycles after our loss, which was about 10 months because I have long cycles. I was scared, but the pregnancy went well, and that little girl is now 18 months old, healthy as can be, and the absolute love of my life. I would not wish a miscarriage or TTCAL on anyone, but one of the silver linings is that it made me so much more grateful for my healthy pregnancy and my daughter. Just the other day, I was playing with her and started thinking about my miscarriage. I picked her up and hugged her so tight, thinking about a miracle she was and how incredibly grateful I was that she was alive. (At which point she squirmed and started to whine because she wanted me to put her down so she could play lol)

I'm now almost 22 weeks pregnant with our second child and equally grateful. Even the day to day discomforts of pregnancy I think are easier to bear when you've had a loss, because you know that heartburn is nothing compared to what the alternative could be.

I know that 5 months since your most recent loss is a long time and probably feels like an eternity. Certainly it did to me. But I'm sure you WILL get pregnant again soon and have a healthy pregnancy and eventually, I promise, these 5 months will feel like nothing. The 8 cycles/10 months we were TTCAL felt like they would never end; now they feel like they happened in the blink of an eye.

I wish all the best for you, as you keep trying to get through this difficult time.

PS- Oh, and for what it's worth, it took us a long time to get pregnant with #2 as well. Again, it took us 8 cycles to get a BFP, which was about 11 months because I had some really long cycles for awhile after giving birth to my daughter. So it took 8 cycles again, but we got there!

 

[PugLuvAh]

I know its not the same, but it took me a really long time to conceive my first child (only to subsequently have a miscarriage). I had to "survive" not getting that positive test every month which was devastating.

After a good cry, and watching the funniest movie I could find, I would do something that I would not be able to if I was pregnant. I went to a trampoline gym with a friend (so, so fun!), went to a spa with hot tubs and saunas, went horsebackriding in the country, got my teeth whitened, had my hair dyed and styled, and ate a lot of sushi and drank a lot of wine

I know it was just a temporary distraction from my grief, but honestly it was nice to not have to think about it for a bit. Good luck with everything.

 

[Trying4first1]

How did you manage to keep sane during the time when waiting for another pregnancy. How long did it take?

Hi Trying,

I'm so sorry you're going through this. I only had one early loss and that was difficult enough.

First, I'm honestly not sure that I DID stay sane while TTCAL. I took my miscarriage incredibly hard and every month of TTCAL without a BFP just made me more and more depressed. I met with a couple of therapists and started on anti-depressants just to try to cope. At rock bottom, I was suicidal, convinced that we'd never have a kid and depressed watching all of my friends get pregnant easily and have kids. I withdrew from a lot of my friends. It was a really dark time in my life, although the anti-depressants did eventually help take the edge off.

We got pregnant quickly with our miscarriage (2nd cycle), but it took a lot longer after my D&C to get pregnant again. We finally got pregnant 8 cycles after our loss, which was about 10 months because I have long cycles. I was scared, but the pregnancy went well, and that little girl is now 18 months old, healthy as can be, and the absolute love of my life. I would not wish a miscarriage or TTCAL on anyone, but one of the silver linings is that it made me so much more grateful for my healthy pregnancy and my daughter. Just the other day, I was playing with her and started thinking about my miscarriage. I picked her up and hugged her so tight, thinking about a miracle she was and how incredibly grateful I was that she was alive. (At which point she squirmed and started to whine because she wanted me to put her down so she could play lol)

I'm now almost 22 weeks pregnant with our second child and equally grateful. Even the day to day discomforts of pregnancy I think are easier to bear when you've had a loss, because you know that heartburn is nothing compared to what the alternative could be.

I know that 5 months since your most recent loss is a long time and probably feels like an eternity. Certainly it did to me. But I'm sure you WILL get pregnant again soon and have a healthy pregnancy and eventually, I promise, these 5 months will feel like nothing. The 8 cycles/10 months we were TTCAL felt like they would never end; now they feel like they happened in the blink of an eye.

I wish all the best for you, as you keep trying to get through this difficult time.

PS- Oh, and for what it's worth, it took us a long time to get pregnant with #2 as well. Again, it took us 8 cycles to get a BFP, which was about 11 months because I had some really long cycles for awhile after giving birth to my daughter. So it took 8 cycles again, but we got there!

Hi Topanga
Thank you so much for your reply. I've just not long got back from holiday so am now catching up with any B&B messages

I too took my MC very hard, the second way more as I was a bit further along and was so sure it wouldn't happen again to us. I have had therapy which has helped, but I feel that I will not have true happiness until I have a baby of our own to love and hold. I feel as if my life is on hold until then, but I remain strong and try my best to be happy and find new distractions.

Like you I will be so greatful to have my little one. I think having losses will make me appreciate being a mum so much more. I can imagine the love you feel for them must be so so strong. I can't wait to experience that one day. It does feel like forever. 5 months isn't long in the grand scheme of things, but I guess our bodies need more time to recover than we think. I just hope that we are not waiting again just to loose another. That's a worry I have. Waiting all this time for a healthy baby would be so worth it but not to go through the nightmare of a MC again. Praying third time is a charm!

I will definatley not moan about MS or any other pregnancy symptoms that I get in the future. I will be so greatful that I have them! Definatley way better than the alternative.

8 cycles to conceive is about average I've read. I guess I'm just being impatient as a loss makes you want a baby even more. Me and DH have agreed that once we have had one child, we are trying for number 2 asap knowing how long it can take and what problems we may encounter on the way.

Thank you so much for your wishes. I really do appreciate them and for sharing your story with me. It gives me so much hope! I'm so glad everything works out for you and you have number 2 on the way

 

[Trying4first1]

I know its not the same, but it took me a really long time to conceive my first child (only to subsequently have a miscarriage). I had to "survive" not getting that positive test every month which was devastating.

After a good cry, and watching the funniest movie I could find, I would do something that I would not be able to if I was pregnant. I went to a trampoline gym with a friend (so, so fun!), went to a spa with hot tubs and saunas, went horsebackriding in the country, got my teeth whitened, had my hair dyed and styled, and ate a lot of sushi and drank a lot of wine

I know it was just a temporary distraction from my grief, but honestly it was nice to not have to think about it for a bit. Good luck with everything.

Many thanks for your reply I think 'survive ' is a good word to use. That is definatley what I am doing each time AF arrives. However I feel a sense of relief too as I know I can relax for a while before the BDing ritual and O again.

I have been watching comedies and often buy myself things. Most of my friends have babies of are ttc themselves so I dont get much time with them as everyone is wrapped up in their own lives. DH has been my rock, I often turn to him for support and he has been fab! We often go for walks together as I have found that exercise helps with the stress of ttc.

Thank you I know we will get there one day. It's just the getting there part which is difficult some days